This IS The Day

Pitching My Tent

2012-02-12T20:21:00.000-08:00

It seemed to me that my way was just blessed. Here I was, prospering, doing more that breaking even.

And so, when Abram told me we needed to part ways because our abundance could not be sustained in one area, I naturally chose what looked to me to be the most prosperous way.

I chose those beautiful, green plains. After all, he gave me the choice, right?

I mean, what would you have done in my place?

I headed east with all that I had, my family, my servants, all of my possessions.

I found a place for us to dwell, a place with a great view of city life. That is where I decided we would stay.

And that is where we set up house - we pitched our tent toward the alluring city of Sodom.

I tell you, we were blessed. If you could have seen the abundance we had. It was just overwhelming.

It wasn't long before we had found a place there among those that lived in that great city. I even found that I was someone there, not just the nephew of Abraham (as he is now called), but I was respected, I guess. I even got to sit at the gates to welcome in visitors.

One day we had some visitors show up. I could tell there was something different about them. I knew what kind of wickedness went on in that great city, and I knew these men would not be safe.

I convinced them to come to my house since we had long abandoned our tent outside the city for a nice place within the city walls. And as we arrived home the men of the city surrounded us, demanding I send the men out to them so that they could do wickedness to them. I could not allow that to happen! I even offered the men my daughters if they would just leave the men be!

They would have none of that and tried to take me until the visitors pulled me inside. And all the men became as blind men, yet they still sought those visitors. I could hardly believe it even for the wickedness I already knew them capable of.

The men told me to take my family and flee. They said that the city would be destroyed. I knew they were telling the truth. I tried to plead with my family, but when the next morning came and the men said we must leave, only my wife and my two daughters would go.

We hung around, but the men would have none of it. They grabbed us and drug us out of the city. They told us to run to the mountain, to not look back.

Oh, if my wife would only have listened. But, she did not.

It is hard for me to look back myself, now. I can see things from this distance I could not see before. I know now that I was blessed, not because of who I was, but because of Abraham.

You see, he chose the right path, and that path was where ever the Lord led him.

It is funny to me as I look back how easy it was to allow myself, to allow my family to partake of such wickedness.

In the distance I beheld a beautiful city. I beheld it from afar. Oh, I knew that the things that went on there were not like the things I had learned following in Abraham's shadow.

But after a while, after we had been exposed to them for a time, those things didn't look so bad anymore.

Next thing you know, I am living in the midst of that wickedness, I have my family in the middle of it. And, because it no longer seemed so bad to me I allowed things to happen that, looking back, I cannot even imagine how I did.

But living there among those people, it just didn't seem so wrong anymore.

It just seemed, well, normal.

Imagine that.

I have always been fascinated by the story of Lot. That one verse in Genesis 13 (verse 12) has haunted me for years.

"Abram dwelled in the land of Canaan, and Lot dwelled in the cities of the plain, and pitched his tent toward Sodom."

He pitched his tent toward Sodom.

I heard an awesome message today from Bro. Marc Wood. He kind of drew all my wayward thoughts toward Lot together.

I started thinking about what he would say if he could tell his story looking back. What would he have to tell to us?

He had dwelt with the "Father of the Faithful." He had been blessed riding on Abraham's coattails. Abraham walked with God. Lot walked with Abraham, but that didn't mean he walked with God.

This is the part that has always stayed with me. Lot left Abram and he pitched his tent, he step up house looking toward sin.

And, after a time he became desensitized to that sin. He no longer saw it for the sin that it was.

The next thing you know, he is there, raising his family in the middle of Sodom. He is part of that sin-filled community. He is "one of them."

At least he was in his eyes. He was *somebody.*

Those things that years before he would have never imagined, he was partaking of. Oh, maybe not all of it, but by living there, by rubbing elbows with those around him, he was saying, "This is OK by me."

Before you know it, his wife is gone, trapped forever by the allure of sin, he commits incest with his daughters, the very ones he tried to give to the wicked men of Sodom, and he has lost all those riches and possessions he once took for granted.

Sometimes we, as Christians, have to stop and examine our own lives. Have we been too long in the plains of Sodom? Do we find ourselves closer and closer to that city? Maybe, even living inside the gates?

Have we allowed things into our lives that at one time we would have never even allowed to darken our doors?

Lift up your tent flap today. What is your view? Is that Sodom in the distance?

It may be time to relocate. And never look back.

Thanks to Bro. Marc Wood for obeying God. And thanks to my Savior, my precious Friend, my Jesus, for reminding us again.

The Elephant in the Room

2012-02-02T19:48:00.000-08:00

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you know there is something going on but since you have no idea how to deal with the thing that is going on you just try to pretend there is nothing going on?

Yea, me neither.

I don't think there is anything more awkward that finding yourself in that situation.

I have walked in on people who were obviously arguing and you could actually sit on the tension in the room like a couch of bricks because it is so apparent. But, everyone is doing their best to pretend it is not there.

Then there have been the situations when you know that something bad is coming, yet everyone is bound and determined to act as if nothing is going on. So, you all laugh and pretend and do your very best not to stumble on the large problem sitting in the middle of the cramped room.

I am reminded of King David after the death of Uriah. Nathan comes to visit David afterward. I am sure that David greeted him warmly. I am sure that there was some small talk.

But, standing in the center of their meeting place was this huge elephant; this large sin that is hard to ignore.

Nathan said, "David, what would you think if there was a rich man who had many flocks, but there was also a poor man who had one little sheep that he had raised up with his family and that he loved. And then, one day, there was a man who came traveling through and the rich man ordered the poor man's little sheep to be killed for the traveler?"

As many of us would have also reacted, David was upset, indignant.

Isn't that the way we do?

We waltz around the sin in our own lives and yet, let us hear about someone ELSE doing something!

We become like a dog with a juicy bone. And we have all of the answers as to how someone else should handle their own sin without looking at our own sin that has us pressed to the wall.

"That man needs to die!"

David quickly offered his opinion to Nathan to which Nathan replied, "Oh, but David, that man is YOU."

I know there is all of this forward thinking today that says we don't need someone in our lives, in our business. I mean, after all, Jesus is our Friend, right? He overlooks our faults, doesn't He?

No matter what the sin it will fill the chambers of your heart causing there to be no room for anything else. Sure, you can ignore it, but elephants get hungry.

And as you continue to feed that elephant, that sin, it will continue to grow.

My prayer today is, Lord, send me a Nathan. Send me a man who won't look at me, look at my sin and pretend all is right in my world. I would much rather have a man that will say to me "Thou art the man."

And, like David, let me recognize myself and my sin. There is no way you can live with an elephant, live with an obvious sin, even one you pretend is not there, and not eventually smell the stench.

Lord, help me to always listen to Your Word and Your man that You send to warn me. I know you are a forgiving God, but first I have to know to ask forgiveness. I realize that we can live in our sins so long that we don't even notice them anymore, at times, even though they are growing larger and larger.

Please, send someone with a word for me. Don't leave me in that room with the elephant of sin. Sooner or later I will get trampled if You do. Help me to listen, and help me to repent, to turn away from that sin. I don't want an elephant standing in the way of seeing Your sweet face.

In The Name Of Love

2012-01-07T20:33:00.000-08:00

The best part of who I am is my children.

That is the honest truth. I can say that and mean it with all that I am.

My children are far from perfect. Frequently, I am amazed at the people that they are. They are smart, funny, thoughtful, they have goals and plans.

They pray, they read the word of God, they desire to do a work for Him.

Being a mother has been the easiest and the hardest thing I have ever done.

It has been easy because there is so much love in me for them.

I remember vividly how it felt to hold each tiny life in my arms. I remember the sweet smell of their baby breath on my face. I remember the tinkling laughter that filled my heart with such joy.

I can tell you, unequivocally that love has only grown. I look at them and think "Wow, really Jesus? You really love ME just this much?"

Even now, when they are big, *grown* adults, though, there are times when being a mother is the hardest thing I have ever done.

I made a promise to them a long, long time ago. I made a promise to do what was right even when it hurt.

I made a promise not to take the easy path, not to just let things go that I knew were not right.

I made a promise to tell them how I felt and WHY I felt that way concerning things that I felt were dangerous.

And I have tried so very hard to live up to those promises. Because, you see, when you love, really, really love, it is not always easy.

I can remember when they were little I would tell them, "If you do *this* I will have to do *this*." And then when they did I would tell them, "I don't want to do *this* but I have to, because I told you that I would."

I remember when I was a teenager laying in bed one night, crying because my parents were so unfair. I told my mother, "I just want to be like everyone else."

I am sure my children have felt the same way. But, like my own parents I did not change my mind.

I told my daughter today that carrying the load of responsibility you carry as a parent becomes so heavy at times.

But you cannot put it down.

One of my favorite sayings that my children have heard more times than they probably want to admit is "It is my job as a parent to make sure that when you grow up you don't have regrets because I was not doing my job as a parent."

Sure, I could have let them do whatever they wanted. I could have said of their mistakes "You did this to yourself," but that would not have been entirely true. Some of the blame for their youthful follies would rest on me.

So, in the name of my love for them I have said "No" when it hurt me to say no.

I have denied them things that other parents allowed their children.

I have made them do things they did not want to do and not allowed them to do things they so desperately wanted to do.

In the name of love I have given them the best I know how to give. I have been the best I know how to be. And, as always, I pray I have been enough, done enough, given enough to the precious lives I was entrusted with all those years ago.

Thank You, for loving me this much, Lord. I want nothing more than to be worthy of You.

Of All the Things I'm Thankful For...

2011-12-10T09:42:00.000-08:00

Of all the things I'm thankful for
You always top my list.
Because You know me more
Than anyone ever will.
And yet, through love as Yours
It seems love can exist
As I look out on the world
With eyes you have adjusted.

Of all the things I am thankful for
I am thankful for Your grace
That sweeps inside my human heart
And cleans away the humanity.
You take my frailties
You take my strengths
You take everything I give You
And give me You in return.

Of all the things I am thankful for
I am thankful for this day.
I am thankful for the sounds
And the comfort of this place.
Until the day I meet You there
You have given me a haven here.
It's Your love and comfort that come
To make this place my home.

Of all the things I am thankful for
It's is the memories, still sweet
That wrap themselves around
The brokenness in me.
I know it's You with each reminder
That comes to me just in time.
Bringing back the things I've lost
Yet reminding me of what's mine.

Of all the things I'm thankful for
It is present in their faces
And I watch them look to You
For the future I have prayed for
Knowing You love them, too
Of all the things I am thankful for
This thing leaves me breathless.
Knowing I can NEVER thank You enough
For all You are to me.

That 3am Phone Call

2011-12-07T17:35:00.000-08:00

Saturday night I went with my daughter to Tifton to have supper with her best friend since forever. I was pretty tired, but it was a nice time. I always love to see them and pretend I am *Marmie* to Emily, her beautiful little girl.

We got us a nice Venti coffee from Starbucks and headed back home. It was a peaceful drive and we chatted as we always do.

It was late when we made it back in and I finally managed to doze off sometime after 1:00am.

I am an extremely light sleeper. I can't help it. Believe me, I would LOVE to be one of those that falls into bed and can sleep through a hurricane. Not me.

We only have one phone in the house and it is downstairs in the kitchen. No one ever calls it except telemarketers, but we keep it on anyway.

Around 3:00am something woke me up.

I realized it was the phone ringing.

I shot up in stark terror and raced downstairs yelling, "Who is CALLING?"

By the time I made it around the corner the phone was quiet, but the caller ID was still up listing the name of our local hospital.

My husband had made it downstairs by now (he sleeps a little heavier than me) and found me in our laundry room yanking on clothes.

"What are you doing?"

"I am going to the hospital to find out why they were calling me!"

"It was probably a wrong number."

"It was NOT a wrong number. Ethan is not home!"

I cannot count the number of phone calls I have received that have thrown me into a panic. I guess that doesn't sound normal, but you have to understand that my parents had tremendous health issues. I have answered the phone so many times to the anxious voice of my mother.

And, then there was the time that we received the call about Ethan's accident.

No one ever calls you at 3:00am with good news.

I had a knee-jerk reaction based on all of the other phone calls I had received over the years.

While I was searching for clothes my husband grabbed his cell phone and called my son who promptly answered.

He was staying with a friend whose parents were out of town. He had sent me a text to let me know.

"Then, it's my Grandmother."

About that time my cellphone rang.

It was the hospital.

My Grandmother had a heart attack. She was being placed in ICU.

As I was yanking on clothes, not knowing who was hurt or sick, and I was doing the only thing I felt capable of doing at that moment.

"Jesus. Jesus. Jesus."

Over and over I called.

"Please, Lord. Jesus."

He was not startled awake by my dilemma.

He was just waiting on my call.

Many Times....

2011-12-01T20:39:00.000-08:00

Gray and hazy,
Clear and crisp,
Sometimes they surround me,
At other times they are out of my reach.
But, Oh the many times I want to.

It may be a word,
Or an expression,
Then a longing so deep,
My very core is pressed tightly.
And, still the many times I long to.

Yet the seasons still change,
The days still end,
And begin again.
Nothing has stopped moving,
Even when so many times I need to.

And I rise,
And I breath,
And I pass through each day.
Each one taking up
Where the last left off.

I think,
I dream,
I work and plan.

And then I find myself
Holding my mouth as you did.
I don't look in the mirror
And find your face.
But Oh, the many times I want to.

You find when you suffer great loss that the world is full of sympathy. After a while you find no one wants to hear anymore. No one wants to see your hurt. No one wants to know it is still there.

So, you learn to cope with it. And you put one foot in front of the other and continue on. I can't stop and give in to the grief, no matter how many times I have wanted to.

Missing you today. And understanding you in ways I never did before. You were amazing. And I am glad you were mine.

In With The Old, Out With The New

2011-11-21T19:47:00.000-08:00

I am an Apostolic Pentecostal. I make no apologies for that fact.

I believe the Bible is the whole Word of God and I believe it is something that I can build my life on, the Rock in my Foundation. I believe it is what keeps me from tumbling down because it is firm, solid.

And I believe if it is in the Word then it should be in my life. I am not a proponent of "Cafeteria Style" Christianity. I don't believe we can go through the Word and just "pick and choose" what we want to believe.

I can qualify that by saying I know it to be a fact that there is a blood line that runs throughout the Bible, from beginning to end. There are no contradictions in the Bible, none.

But, that is for another discussion.

As an Apostolic Pentecostal, I believe in the "Old Ways." I believe in holiness, I believe in living a separated life, I believe in listening to my Pastor who is my "Watchman on the Wall."

I don't expect anyone who has not tasted this life to see that it is good.

It has been so very good for me.

To my sadness, I have watched as those that I used to look up to in this walk of faith have taken those things that were once important and laid them aside for a "new" way of thinking. Things that the pioneers of our faith set up as boundaries of protection for us have been torn down and cast away.

There is a pattern I have seen in those that have taken these "bold new steps."

That pattern is destruction.

Destruction of children that had been raised to believe that something was important and are now given the message that never really mattered.

Destruction of families as these boundaries that protected our homes are torn down allowing those very things those boundaries protected us from to come in.

Destruction of our churches as I hear over and over that doors are shut, congregations are compromised and communities are left without someone to herald the Truth to the lost.

You know, satan hasn't changed his tactics. They are still the same. "Ye shall not surely die," (Genesis 3:4) he says to us as we begin to partake of the very things we have been warned against.

But, we are dying. We are dying......

I have not run across one instance, not ONE instance, where the new ways have been a benefit.

And, if you think our children are confused, our spouses are confused, our congregations are confused by this mix-message we have been delivering.....

What about that lost and dying world?

I have said it before, and I will, with all probability say it again....Sin is attractive.

I mean, would we give up the blessings of God if we could see it for what it really is?

Sin doesn't show up fat and nasty, driving an old clunker. No Sir!

Sin shows up dressed in its finest, cruising in the ride of your dreams.

But the promises of sin never deliver what you expected. Sin only takes, it doesn't give. Before you realize what has even happened that one little thing that you decided was no longer important has turned into one more little thing.

And that one more little thing has become another, and another, and another.....

Until you have developed amnesia, not even remembering who you were or what you stood for.

Today I saw a family that once was part of the ministry. They taught me much about this journey of faith that I am now on.

I hardly even recognized them. They were broken apart. And that broke my heart.

I still believe that sin will take you farther than you ever wanted to go. And, it will take you away from God.

I know that some of my family and friends do not understand why I CHOOSE to live the way that I do, why I am so passionately in love with living for God with my whole life.

This is why. I have seen the consequences of letting go of the old paths, of turning aside the old ways.

I don't need the new ways to bring me joy, I have joy. I don't need to let go to be free, I AM free. Because you see living for Him is freedom. Living outside the dictates of the world is where the joy is.

Jesus, I am so thankful today that You put a Pastor in my life that still preaches that there nothing wrong with living right. I am thankful for men and women who still live this way, who are still passionate. I am thankful for all the heartaches that my family has been spared because of a love for You and Your Word. Lord, I pray for those who have let go. Let them fall in love with the "Old Paths" again.

An Underachieving Overachiever

2011-11-16T19:28:00.000-08:00

I am the youngest child in my family. My brother, who is oldest, is a little over 6 years older than me and my sister is a little over 4 1/2 years older.

Until the day my parents died they still referred to me as "the baby."

Now, I am not complaining, by any means. I enjoyed being the baby of the family.

Up until my parents really started having health problems I was not allowed to drive their cars. It only happened then because I don't think they had any choice. Honestly, it was always like I just learned to drive.

And before it is mentioned; my early driving record wasn't the greatest, OK? I know this. Yes, I was in 3 accidents in less than a month. But I can assure you NONE of them were my fault.

Other than that, my record was good.

Didn't matter.

I think everyone was surprised when I went to college....and PASSED!

Not that they thought I was stupid, but it is almost like I was perpetually 14 years old.

I have found that I want to push myself. There are so many things I want to do, so many things I want to be involved in.

And I sometimes tend to load my plate till it overflows......

Then the goal becomes learning to carry the plate without it overflowing.

I was thinking about that today as I was riding along trying to shove as many errands as I could into my break. I was thinking that it is probably surprising to some that I can function at the speed I do. I know there are **some** who can't imagine I can run my own bathwater without scalding my skin off....(that is an inside joke)

Here I am, in school again. When I started I thought to myself, "I am going to make all A's!"

Eh, I have all B's.....that will do.

Once I got started I realized that my best bet would be to survive this without ending up on the brink of exhaustion....or on the brink, period.

In my head I can imagine myself doing all these great and amazing things. And then I end up doing ordinary and average things.

I have found this to be good.

This is the wonderful thing about being an overachiever....my *average* is set a little higher than the (cough) average average! (he he he)

So, even though I underachieve....I somehow break even.

Ah, well....this middle-aged baby is tired.....

Can someone please come pull down the covers and tuck me in??

Meant for Good

2011-11-11T21:36:00.000-08:00

Last Thursday I received a phone call from my Regional Director. It seems that someone reported to our Corporate Compliance Hotline that I carried a loaded pistol in my purse and that I not only carried in to our member's homes but I also gave it to the Case Managers to carry with them into homes.

First of all, let me say I do own a gun. I have been raised with a healthy appreciation and respect for guns. I have a permit to carry a gun.

Most of the time my gun resided in my glove box of my car. But, a week or so before everyone was out of town and when faced with a night alone I decided to carry my gun inside with me for the night....and I forgot to take it out of my purse and put it back in my car.

So, when I received the call I could not lie. Yes, I had a gun in my purse.

I have nick-named my gun "Little Bertha."

Many times when my Case Managers were heading out for a bad area we would joke about "Little Bertha."

That's all it ever was, a joke.

Our members have never been in danger and I would never be foolish enough to give something that potentially dangerous that is registered in my name, no less, to someone else to use.

I mean, really?

But, obviously we joked in front of the wrong person.

I truly had no idea it would be a problem to have my pistol in my car. But, it was a problem. At the direction of my supervisor I left work and immediately brought my gun to the house where it now resides permanently.

And, that is really fine with me. I am all about behaving ethically so if this is a rule, I will gladly follow.

When I received the call I was more upset that something like this may affect my record at work than the fact that "Little Bertha" could no longer ride along life's highways with me.

From the time I hung up the phone I could hear God whispering to me....."But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive." (Genesis 50:20)

"OK, Lord," I thought, "I don't know what it is, but I know You are in control."

I left that afternoon on a little adventure with my daughter and one of the girls from our church. We were going to spend a couple of nights at an old hotel in a nearby town. This hotel is reported to be "haunted" and we were actually staying on a "haunted hall."

Across from our room was an old service elevator where almost 100 years ago a maid and her child were tossed to the bottom of the shaft to their deaths. The little girl supposedly still "plays" in the hallway.

About 2am that Friday morning we were awakened to a light knocking on our door. We all three sat straight up.

"What was that?" Denise asked.

"Sounds like someone knocking on the door," I said.

She got up and looked out the peephole.

Nothing....No one.....

She used the restroom and as she was coming out she began to joke about how it must be the "ghost children" playing in the hallway.

We all laughed.

About that time there was a huge THUMP on the door. Denise jumped into my bed leaving poor Alena alone in the other bed. We were all startled.

Again there was a huge bang on the door and I noted the top of the door bent in with the force of the blow. I jumped out of bed yelling "HEY!" while the girls began screaming.

We all began to call on Jesus as I looked out the peephole to find an enraged man standing on the other side of the door.

As I watched he backed up, put his shoulder down and rammed the door again. The door threatened to buckle under the blow. I placed my hands on the door and leaned my weight into it as Alena joined me.

Denise frantically called the front desk and in a shaking voice asked for help.

The man continued to ram.

Suddenly we heard another voice in the hallway speaking sternly to the man. I watched out the peephole as the desk clerk approached our door and knocked.

I opened the door while leaving the chain on. She apologized stating the man had too much to drink and was confused about his room. He was gone to his room now, per the clerk.

OK, we said.

Of course, we were all wide awake at this point.

But, I still felt uneasy.

I got up and looked out the peephole again, and there he stood, leaning against the opposite wall, peering down the hallway.

Then he came and stood in front of our door again. And he backed up, put his shoulder down and rammed. I yelled out, "You need to get out of here!"

Didn't faze him.

He backed up and headed for the door again. This time when he made impact I yelled through the door again.

"Sir! This is not your room! And if you continue to scare my girls I'm going to bust your face in!"

That seemed to get his attention because he immediately wandered off.

Of course, the girls thought that was hilarious after the threat was gone.

Denise reflected later that she wondered if it had not been the Lord who sent an angel by to knock on the door that first time to wake us up because there was no one there when she looked out, and as enraged as that man was he would have never just knocked.

We also wondered how this man who had just come from the bar could think his room was suddenly filled with women screaming for Jesus over and over.

And even more so.....how did no one else hear us? Why did no one else step out to see what was going on?

But, most importantly I heard His voice....

"But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive."

What if I had not received that phone call? What if I had still been carrying my pistol in my purse when this enraged man with the strength of a bull came and began ramming my door at 2am? What if I had been able to count on the "protection" of my firearm as my girls safety was being threatened?

Would I have opened the door to show him I was armed? What if he had managed to break the door down and find me there with a pistol in my hand? Would he have been able to overpower me and take the gun from me and use it on us?

I will never know because although I believe someone may have meant to hurt me (when they could have simply approached me directly and pointed out my wrong-unless of course, they thought me **mad** enough to use Little Bertha on them?) what they meant for evil against me, God meant for my good.

He meant it to protect me from a potentially dangerous situation turning into a potentially deadly situation.

That's the way He loves me.

**As a side note: I am not sharing this to garner your response concerning the right to carry firearms. You are free to believe however you would like to believe. I am not trying to change your point of view, so show me the same respect. Neither am I excusing myself for having my gun on my person when it went against the policies of my organization. I am not. I was wrong and I have corrected it. Nor can it be said that I bear ill feelings against the person who reported it. How could I? This is not to illicit a political response, merely to illustrate His love for me. Period. So, I implore you to take it in the spirit it is written.**

My Attitude....your problem....

2011-11-08T20:02:00.000-08:00

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

This world is not my home....I'm just a passin' through....My treasures are laid up....somewhere beyond the blue....the angels beckon me....from Heaven's open door....and I can't feel at home in this world any more.

I have found many things to be true in life.

I have found it to be true that no matter how old you get, you still battle bullies. The only difference is they may be dressed nicer.

I have found that no matter how old you get, life still happens. But, it is the way that you handle those happenings that make the difference.

And I have found that I have an attitude.

Paul was writing to the church in Phillippi. During these cordial letters he managed to place some correction to deal with problems that were facing the church there such as discouragement, disunity, and disloyalty.

How relevant for today, huh?

If you will notice there is a word in there that is not heard much in our modern times.

VIRTUE

What is virtue, you may ask?

I have taken the liberty of looking it up for you.

1 a : conformity to a standard of right: morality b : a particular moral excellence

2 plural : an order of angels
3 a beneficial quality or power of a thing
4 manly strength or courage : valor

5 a commendable quality or trait : merit

6 a capacity to act : potency

7 chasity especially in a woman

What happens when you "think on these things?"

Let's read verse 9:

"Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me (Paul), do: and the God of peace shall be with you."

Have you been searching for peace in your life? Maybe it is the things that are clogging up your mind that are also robbing you of peace.

If you continue on you will find Paul states in verse 11: "for I have learned in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content."

And THEN, in verse 13 Paul states: "I can do ALL things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

Paul is a particular "hero" of mine. He came by the Truth the hard way. And yet when he got it, he lived it with everything he had. Nothing stood in the way of his relationship with the Almighty.

I have found many things to be true.

I have found that when I truly live this LIKE THE WORD TELLS ME TO....it makes people uncomfortable.

When I spend my time thinking on "those things" instead of dwelling on the things that the world at large have placed importance on I am ostracized and misunderstood.

Good.

Perfect.

That is JUST what I was shooting for.

My Bible tells me that I am to "be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect will of God." (Romans 12:2)

So, if the way that I am keeps you from wanting to be my bud....

If my attitude against the sins of this world rubs you the wrong way.....

If I talk about Jesus just a little more than you are comfortable with.....

That's your problem, not mine.

I have made my decision.....I have staked my claim.....I have drawn a line in the sand and I won't be ashamed....with the world BEHIND me and the Cross BEFORE....by the grace of God I WILL SERVE THE LORD.

I have no intention of backing up or backing down.

I have made up my mind.

"Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.......Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in the time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up , and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth he. Many daughter have done virtuously; but thou excellest them all. " Proverbs 31:10-12, 25-29.

Virtue is still in fashion. This is what I strive to be. It may not be Hollywood's idea of who I should be, but it is God's.

Verses 30-31 say this: "Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates."

Would you be able to eat your own "fruit?" Would the "work" that you do be a praise that would proceed you into the city where you live?

Wilt Thou Be Made Whole?

2011-11-01T19:53:00.000-07:00

Growing up I had this big, strong, smart Daddy. I never even bothered with the whole "my Daddy can whip your Daddy" thing because everyone else knew it was true, too!

He was a man, I know that. He knew that, too.

My parents made choices, as we all do. As I like to tell my kids, "For every action there is a reaction." Some of those reactions are far reaching.

My parents both died young. They did. Far too young. I wanted them around a whole lot longer.

My Daddy, my big, strong, strapping Daddy ended up losing a leg, fighting just to keep the other one, losing his eye sight, and depending on a machine to rid his body of toxins.

I knew how intolerable it must be to him, but in my selfishness I wanted him around. All the sickness slowed him down so that I was able to really know him. He had much to give me.

He had become weak in his body there toward the end. My sister had shared that with me. When we went that last weekend and I had to physically pick him up and put him in the Yukon out of the wheelchair, I don't know who that hurt worse, me or him.

I saw John 5:6 the other day while looking for another verse and I thought of my Daddy.

I wondered if at that last instance he was there in the state he was in, and the Lord passed by.

I wondered if He saw the state he was in and had been for some time and said to my Daddy, "Wilt thou be made whole?"

And my Daddy said "Yes, oh yes!""

What a glorious moment that must have been! I can only imagine.

And to think just three months later He visited that house again where my beautiful Mama was waiting for the waters to be troubled.

"Wilt thou be made whole?"

"I will!"

Her feet, her heart, all whole. Her pain erased.

I have been grieving for almost two years.

I guess that is a lie. I have grieved for much longer. I watched them suffer and I grieved for them, for their pain and suffering.

Jesus asks a question in John 5:6. He gives a choice.

WILT thou be made whole? Because, you can stay broken.

You can continue to lay there beside that pool and wait for someone to come along and take care of you, or you can choose......

I have been praying that God would work in me, help me, make me whole again and ease some of the pain that I have felt at the death of my parents.

I realized the other day that I had taken up my bed and was walking through life again. There will always be pain, sorrow, and those moments where it seems like it is so fresh.

But I can laugh, I can smile. I can remember and I can take comfort in the fact that they are WHOLE.

My sweet, sweet Friend. Through you alone am I whole. I love You too much to fail You now.

Oh Lord, It's Hard to be Humble.....

2011-10-25T10:54:00.000-07:00

Every Monday and Wednesday night I sit in a college classroom feeling like the oldest student that ever lived. It takes every ounce of my concentration to keep up with what the teachers are saying, especially in Accounting.

I have never been all that great with numbers. I honestly thought Accounting would be a breeze since I have actually had a tiny bit of experience in it.

But, see, my experience was real life. "Put this number here and that number there." I never learned the theory behind it. And, if I am being honest, I still don't really know the theory behind it. I only know that everything I THOUGHT I knew about Accounting is just the opposite of what Accounting really is.

I come in from work to my class and I sit there trying to will it all to make sense to me. What makes it even more challenging is that there are a lot of talkers in the room.

I have to try to sift through what he is saying over what everyone else wants to contribute. I'm telling you, my nerves are shot by the end of class. Before I realized it the other day I had said, "Please just shut up" out loud! Thankfully the other person was talking non stop and didn't even hear me.

I am a relatively intelligent person. I mean, I am not Genius level, but I am not stupid, either. I have an IQ of about 122 which is somewhat below my brother and sister, but still not too shabby. I guess they got all the brain power and I got, well, something in return. Not sure what.

And I can be ditzy at times. I recognize this trait in myself and I am OK with it. It makes life interesting.

I made a 77 on my first Accounting exam and I was quite disappointed. My son says that "all the old ladies make A's" so I was really pushing myself to do well.

There comes a time in your life when you realize the only *person* you need to impress is yourself, and that is what I have been trying to do.

I am doing very well in my other 2 classes so I have been trying to bring my grade up in Accounting.

We had a "take home" test that we turned in last week. I thought I did OK, but I was not positive. Needless to say I was very excited when I received my grade and it was a 91!!

WOOHOO!! Go ME!!

Then......we reviewed the test......

One of the journalizing problems that he had given me complete credit for, when we reviewed it, I had completely wrong....

Completely wrong.....

I looked in the book and I saw where I messed up, but that didn't matter. The point was it was wrong and he counted me right.

My stomach started turning.

I want to bring you to an understanding before I go any further. I am flesh.

Yes, I have been baptized in Jesus' Name.

Yes, I have received the Holy Ghost.

Yes, I do my very best to live this with everything that I am, to be REAL.

But, I am going to tell you that I found myself in a struggle.

I mean, come on, it wasn't MY fault he graded it wrong! I should get to keep that 5 points since it was his mistake, right?

I wanted to. I had an A. I wanted to keep my A.

Then that voice inside me, that very same Holy Ghost that I just mentioned said, "What if THIS is a test? What if he knows that he gave you credit you didn't deserve and he is waiting to see what you are going to do about it?"

And my stomach turned.

I REALLY wanted to keep my A.

Class was finally over, and all of the big talkers had left us in silence.

I approached my teacher.

"Hey, you graded number 61 as correct, but I had it all wrong."

He said he got kind of sloppy grading at the end and was not really listening to me.

My stomach turned.

"No, really. Look at number 61. I know what I did wrong. I looked in the book and I see the mistake I made, but I got this one wrong and you graded it right."

He turned to number 61.

And he took 5 points off my test.

My stomach turned.

Then he said, "It takes a lot to be honest."

In this case, it took my A.

But, my stomach quit turning. Most of the time doing the right thing means you are not doing the easy thing.

I thanked him and left.

"But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble . . . Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up."James 4:6, 10

It is hard to balance this blog for me because while I am trying to explain how hard it was for me to be humble it sounds like I am puffing myself up.

But, I'm not.

I REALLY wanted that A.

REALLY....

But instead of an A when I left the class that night I had earned something that means even more to me. I earned his respect.

And I also lifted some of the burden to excel off of my shoulders, because when I remember what is truly important, WHO is truly important I don't have to worry about elevating myself.

My God does the elevating.

So I got a B. That's still pretty good. And since I understand what we are covering now I have another chance to do well on the next exam.

I have something to prove, you see. I need to prove to myself that I can do it, and I need to prove to the Lord that I am worthy of the trust He has placed in me.

Since He "gives grace to the humble" I will always make it as long as I remember to keep an humble spirit, because my Bible says "His grace is sufficient!"

In other words, HE is all I need.

When Compassion Moves You

2011-10-13T19:18:00.001-07:00

I am a Nurse. I have been an RN for many years now. But, few who know me may understand WHY I wanted to become a Nurse.

So let me explain.

Back when I was a teenager we had a couple that rented the guest house from my parents. The wife in the couple was an RN. They would go on trips occasionally and ask me to collect their mail for them until they returned.

She subscribed to Nursing Magazine and I would look through it. The thing that made me decide to become a Nurse was found in those pages. It was an article on bed sores.

Yup, bed sores. Stinky, nasty, rotting bed sores.

I looked at those pictures and I just knew. I wanted to help them.

Over the years I have looked into countless faces. Some on happy occasions, some on sad, devastating occasions.

The key to the whole deal is, I looked at them.

Lying in every bed, in every hospital is a story. These are not just bodies sent to fill up our time until we can clock out and head to the house. These are people who have loved ones, who have histories, who may be lonely or scared.

Every day with every one of them, even the aggravating ones, I looked at them. I did my very best to look at them as if it were my loved one lying in the bed, hurting, lonely, scared....

Just as you will never be an effective Teacher if you are only doing it for summer's off, you will never be an effective Nurse if you are doing it for a paycheck alone.

You have to do it with heart.

That is also why Jesus healed so many, did so many miracles for the people, He looked at them.

Matthew 9:36 But when he saw the multitudes, he was moved with compassion on them, because they fainted, and were scattered abroad, as sheep having no shepherd.

Over and over we read that Jesus was "Moved With Compassion," and in each instance something happens to those He is in contact with.

Because, you see, when compassion truly moves you, you have to respond.

I have not been working in a clinical setting for almost 4 years. Working in Case Management is different in so many ways, but tonight I realized something....

I realized we needed a reminder.

A reminder about those charts that sit on our desks, about those that we visit in their homes, those that are difficult, those that are draining.

We need to remember that written in the pages of those charts is someones story.

And as Case Managers we have the chance to play a part in what could the the final chapter, in some cases.

Each person, each life, each family is an opportunity.

Do you want a ministry?

Look around you.

LOOK at those people that you deal with day in and day out. That is your field white for harvest.

The word compassion means, "to suffer together with."

When was the last time you looked at someone else long enough to see their pain? Or the last time you listened long enough to hear their loneliness?

When was the last time you TRULY cared for another soul without a thought as to how it might profit you?

Do you know what I would have given to have had someone taking care of my parents who could actually see them? Do you have any idea how much just a kind word or a gentle touch can mean to someone?

When was the last time you allowed compassion to move you?

Leaving Las Vegas

2011-09-26T20:41:00.000-07:00

As some of you may know my husband and I recently celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. I was allowed to choose where we went on our anniversary trip and I chose Las Vegas.

Now, I know some of you may be thinking that was an odd choice for me to make.

I have dreamed for years of seeing the Grand Canyon. So, I thought, for some reason, that Las Vegas was very close to the Grand Canyon.

It is a lot closer than I am sitting in my living room right now, but not as close as I thought.

But, off to Vegas we went. We stayed at the lovely Venetian Hotel (Casino) and took in a couple of shows during our stay.

But the highlight of the whole trip for me was the time we spent exploring the area in our rental car (my husband rented a convertible, which was a wonderful experience, but left me cooked).

We ventured out to Red Rock Canyon and found a neat little "Old West" re-enactment town. I had no idea they had wild burros! They were everywhere!

We also made it to Hoover Dam that same day which was a sight to see!

Then we got up early the next morning and headed to the Grand Canyon. It was a great drive over and I cannot even begin to explain how affected I was by the sight of the canyon itself.

I don't see how anyone can doubt the greatness of God when standing at the edge of something so magnificent.

You know, Las Vegas itself is an interesting city. It definitely lives up to its nickname of "Sin City." Since prostitution is legal in the city guys stand on the street passing out cards telling you how to get girls "2 for $99."

Maybe its mean of me, but I took great pleasure in making those guys make eye contact with me and seeing how long they could hold contact before they looked away. For SOME reason, they usually did not try to pass us a card. hahahaha

Las Vegas is lush, brimming with every indulgence that you could possibly desire. Everything there is larger than life and attractive, pleasing to the eye.

The lights flash, the fountains spray, the fire shoots out of the fake volcanoes. You can be lured in to anything that you would desire to do. Everywhere you look, there is beauty and opulence.

Until you drive outside of the city, just a very short distance.

Surrounding this luscious "paradise" is a land so barren that you would be want for just a small spot of shade as Jonah was.

There are bushes in some areas, but no real trees, no grass, only dirt.

Because, you see Las Vegas for all of its supposed riches is sitting in the middle of a desert.

A dry, barren desert.

When you fly in and out of Las Vegas it almost seems like you are looking at the surface of Mars.

And sitting out in the middle of all of this is "Sin City."

I love to watch people. It seems to me that it is not only pockets that are empty in Las Vegas. I saw a lot of empty souls. And as many times I we had to pass the casino floor to get from one place to the other in the hotel I never once heard someone cry out from joy as they won the big prize.

My husband made an astute comment while we were there. He said, "Look around you. This place wasn't built because people were winning."

Las Vegas is beautiful, but it is a beautiful facade. They have a fake Eiffel Tower, a fake Venetian Canal, a fake New York skyline......only imitations of the real things.

"What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" may sound like a good slogan to entice you to lose your inhibitions and let it all hang out since no one will "tell" on you later.

But even if no one ever tells, you know. And regret can be as dry and as barren as a desert when you are trying to escape it.

And although Vegas was fun, it wasn't a comfortable place for me. It was a place that sells sin. I have learned the hard way what a high price sin can have on my life. And I don't think the people of Las Vegas were very comfortable with me either. But, that's OK.

When I left Las Vegas behind I left with some fond memories, some great mementos, and a ton of pictures.....but no regrets.

I am thankful today for Your unchanging hand, Your protection and the sweetness of living this beautiful life. I wouldn't trade You for silver or gold.

I've Got Dreams To Remember....

2011-09-17T08:46:00.000-07:00

I think one of the most wonderful things about getting older is that you lose your concern with trying to prove things to others and decide to prove things to yourself. I guess that could be seen as a form of mid-life crisis, but I don't feel like I am in crisis.

I can give some very good advice to all of you young people out there on the brink of your lives and that advice is.....

THINK

For every action there is a reaction. And even when you cannot see the reaction immediately it will come.

You can see it years later in regrets that you never thought you would have.

I hope that doesn't make me sound like Debbie Downer, because that is honestly not what I am trying to do.

But I definitely have things in my life that I wish I would have put a little more thought into before I acted.

I can look back over the years and see where I made decisions to please others without thinking them through to see what was the right and smart thing to do for me, for my future and for the future of those I love.

I remember some of those dreams that fell to the wayside because of decisions made without taking the time to consider the long term reaction to those decisions. It is a lot harder to go back and live some dreams with your pockets filled with bad decisions.

Just one second, one minute into something you know you should avoid can have ramifications years down the road.

And you can wake up staring into the face of the consequences of yesterday for the rest of your life.

I have still got dreams that I want to see come to pass, dreams that the Lord has given me, dreams that I have let life get in the way of.

But, I am determined to see them happen, maybe not as they once could have, but they can still happen.

To my children: Don't be in such a hurry to live your life that you miss what He has in store for you. He has a plan for you, and if you enact your own plan without waiting then you will never know what could have been.

Wait, I say wait....upon the Lord (And be of GOOD courage)

I have dreams to remember.....dreams of your lives lived within His promises....just hold on and you will see....He is good...

He Sings Over Me

2011-09-06T19:25:00.000-07:00

My Pastor was relating recently that he had been awakened in the night with a verse from the Bible. The verse was Zephaniah 3:17.

The LORD in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.

This verse just stayed with me. To think that the LORD of heaven would sing over me with joy. I just cannot imagine.

So, Saturday I was working in my house and I was missing my Mama. I was thinking about her, and her death. And I was saying to myself that I just couldn't understand why she had to leave so soon and how much I miss her and wish I could talk to her again.

I went to sleep that night and in the early morning hours I had a dream.

In this dream I was in bed and my Dad came in. It was the Dad I remember from my teenaged years. He told me that he had a song to sing for me, a song about why my Mama had to die when she did.

And in the clearest voice he proceeded to sing verse after verse of the most beautiful melody.

A song that perfectly explained why she was gone.

I woke up feeling peace, but having no memory of what the song said.

But, I am certain it was from the Lord.

I know it was my earthly Dad singing to me in the dream, but I believe the song was from my Heavenly Father. He sang to me, sang a new song that replaced the sorrow I felt.

What GREAT love is that for His child?

She Knew...

2011-08-29T18:37:00.000-07:00

In just a few short days my youngest child will be 21 years old. It is hard for me to fathom. But, it is true none the less.

I have been observing people my whole life, observing actions and reactions. I cannot say that I have been thrilled at all times by the abilities of some of my fellow humans to reason and make sound decisions. And I dare say some may think the same of me.

I have made some very sound decision and some very poor ones. But, time and time again the one that has served me best was my decision to serve God, to raise my children in a godly home. That decision has colored every other area of our lives.

My son is an adult. That is a hard phrase for this mother to utter, yet I know that in terms of years this statement is true.

I also know that within him is the potential to do great and wonderful things with his life, not only for himself but for the Lord.

It's there. I can see it, feel it. I can sense it when he prays, when he worships, as I listen to him talk or share his thoughts on the things of God.

And more than anything, as his mother, I long to see that potential reach its fullness.

I often think of Eunice, the mother of Timothy and make it my prayer that "unfeigned faith" would be transferred to my children, and not only that, but more so that some man of God would be a "Paul" to my very own Timothy, leading him, instructing him, and encouraging him to "stir up the gift" within him.

Mary may have been the mother of "God in flesh" but she was also a mother, period.

I am confident that she knew who He was, but I am also reminded that she could see that POTENTIAL in Him, the depth of that potential when it did not publically appear, before He ever preformed any miracles.

She knew.....

And on that certain day when they arrived the wedding of Cana of Galilee (John 2:1-12) she approached that potential with a request: "They have no wine." (vs. 3)

That's all she said. She didn't ask Him to preform a miracle, she gave Him the opportunity to live up to His potential.

And, in the fashion of sons and mothers Jesus replied, "Woman, what have I to do with thee? My hour is not yet come."

Quit pushing, Mama! I'm not ready.

But she knew He was.

She knew.

And because of the prodding of a mother, Jesus preformed His first recorded miracle of the New Testament.

To my son:

I know I am just a mother, flesh and bones, nothing special.

Not in myself. You are what makes me special. Because I can see in you all the promises of tomorrow. I can see the things you have yet to accomplish, and it stirs up MY faith.

I know He has a plan for you. Do I know what that plan is? No, not exactly. But I do know the potential of His promises that dwell within you.

And I long to see you follow in godly footsteps, because someday your very own footsteps will be leading others.

And there are times when I have prodded, when I have pushed you to reach beyond where you are, beyond where you are comfortable and maybe, in your opinion, before you are ready.

So when you lack the strength to believe in yourself, be confident in the fact that I KNOW.

BTW.....

2011-08-17T20:27:00.000-07:00

I have begun a new endeavor....

College.

As if I wasn't busy enough I decided, with much prayer, to return to school.

Please pray for me and don't give up on me. I will soon have a whole new set of things to blog about!!!

Love Is......

2011-08-17T20:09:00.000-07:00

When I was a little girl I enjoyed those cute little "Love Is...." comics. They were adorable! I thought it was kind of strange that they were naked, but that is beside the point.

I have read 1 Corinthians 13 so many times over the years. I have used it as a guide, a reminder of all that I should be to those that I claim to love.

Now, in case you haven't noticed, I LOVE my family. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE.

I have been married to the SAME man for almost 25 years. I think that one the reasons we can boast that is that measuring stick in 1 Corinthians 13 I was talking about. I have to look at it and say, "What am I doing?" sometimes. Can't claim we have had perfect times all the time, but love never is perfect.

And I have 2 exceptional children.

I really do.

Not playing.

I have had the opportunity to pay attention to other people's offspring. And I can assure you there is a lot of "Thank YOU Jesus!" coming from me.

I think one of the things that makes me different from other people is I can see their faults (just as I am sure they see mine). I am in no way blinded by the fact they are my children.

And I say children, when really they are adults.

Adults I can be proud of. Adults who don't have any major regrets.

Some parents boast in the fact that their children have run wild and are doing things that, as parents, they should be embarrassed by.

My children are godly examples to me.

I know how blessed I am.

I don't live a charmed life. I just live life. I live it to the best of my ability by keeping Him as the center.

And I hope this doesn't sound boastful, because I know where the credit lies.

You see, I know what love is.....

I have a life full of it.

Thank You, my sweet, sweet Savior. I am, among women, most blessed.

Let Me Entertain You....

2011-07-29T17:43:00.000-07:00

Several months back I was relating a story I had heard to Bro. Wood at church. I told him how Bro. Darryl Bennett had picked up a man on the way to my brother's church and ended up giving the man a Bible study which resulted in the man being baptized.

I mean, how awesome is that?

That Sunday Bro. Wood showed up with a visitor.

I was fascinated by this gentleman. Bro. Wood had picked him up and I began to talk to him and was intrigued by his apparent English accent. So I asked him where he was from.

He said he was from Douglas.

He had an intensity, and everything he talked about was so interesting that I was left wanting to hear more.

"Do you know, people think I'm crazy?" he said. I was afraid he may be more sane than most of us would ever be.

A few days later I saw him again at the bakery across the street from where I work. He was sitting alone at a table and I went over to say hello. He remembered my name and the names of the others at church.

And he began to tell me stories. One in particular was about the devil coming to his door one night when he was living in Tennessee.

I was enthralled by his stories, mostly because most of the world would listen to him and think, "What a nut!"

But, I guess I'm a nut enough to wonder, "What if it's true?"

I saw him several more times over the course of the next couple of weeks.

One morning when I arrived to work he was sitting on the curb outside my office. He had plugged his laptop into one of the outside plugs and was typing away.

He immediately began to tell me a story about one day when he was walking through town. He said he was down that day, thinking about everything and the Lord came up and put his arm around his shoulder and began to walk with him.

He said he asked the Lord what he was doing, and the Lord told him He just felt like he needed a hug.

Then he said the Lord told him He needed to leave because He had things to do and He was gone.

He looked up as the Lord left and he said the sky was full of angels. Thousands of angels.

I began to talk to him and I told him, "You know, that's what I want. I want to see the spiritual things that are going on around me. And I pray all the time that God would open my eyes to see things around me."

Then I said to him. "I want you to pray for me when you pray, that God will use me."

His eyes got big and he just stared at me for a minute. Then he smiled at me and said, "From your lips to His ears."

And he thanked me for wanting him to pray for me. He told me that I was a good woman.

I told someone about the incident and they voiced my thought on the whole thing. "I think he was an angel."

Maybe so. I will never know, I guess. I have only seen him once from a distance since that day, but I still think about him and the stories he told me.

And I know, believe me. I have been a nurse too long not to think "Ok, he is schizophrenic."

But, then the other side of me says...."But what if he was an angel."

The Word talks about us entertaining angels unaware. I believe in His Word and its there. So, that means it is true, it can happen.

And even if that was not the case in this instance it allowed me to believe in the possibilities.

I still long for Him to use me, to show me the things they saw in Biblical times when they believed in possibilities and saw those possibilities come to pass. I want that. I want to experience everything He has for me.

Thank You, my precious Saviour for reminding me again how great You are. I know if You did it before You will do it again. And I want to be a part of whatever You have!! I love You today more than ever. Thank You for loving me.

For One More Day

2011-07-15T18:23:00.000-07:00

Several years ago I was called to jury duty and I brought a book in along with my car keys. These were the only things you were allowed to bring in.

I finished the whole book waiting to be called in. And it touched me in places that I have never been touched before.

But, there were places it didn't touch because those places weren't there yet.

We had an estate sale at my parents house last weekend. My daughter was in charge of gathering up stuff from our house to sell at the same time and one of the things she brought was the book.

I saw it laying amongst the stuff we were spreading out on tables and I grabbed it up.

"I don't want to sell this."

The book is called "For One More Day" by the author Mitch Albom.

It is a story about regret and the chance to right a wrong.

It is the story about a man who didn't fully appreciate what he had until he no longer had it.

It is the story about the love of a mother.

One line says, "...I realized when you look at your mother, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know."

The last time I saw my Mother she was sitting in a wheelchair at St. Pat's hospital in Lake Charles, Louisiana. She looked frail and tired and was on her way to dialysis.

I bent down and hugged her one last time and told her "I love you SO much."

And I walked away in the arms of my son, weeping because I knew it was goodbye. Not the last time I would speak to her, but the last time those arms that had held me countless times over the course of my life would ever hold me again.

A few days later I was in my office when my husband came in and closed the door.

"Your Mom is gone."

And suddenly I went from being the spoiled baby of loving parents to a grown woman with no parents at all.

Nothing has ever been the same.

Every day there is something I want to tell her. Every day there is something I want her to tell me.

Just for one more moment, one more hour, one more day.

There are so many things I want to make sure she knew.

She was a good mother. The best mother in the world. I can say that with all certainty because I know she loved us with all that she was. She would be the first one to tell you she wasn't perfect, but that is to be expected.

I can still hear her laughter echo in my heart, and her belief in who I am and what I was capable of was so strong it held me up at times. She was honest with me, more honest than anyone else has ever been. She had no problem telling me I was making a mistake and although some would resent that, I suppose, I needed that honesty knowing only someone who truly loved you would be that honest with you.

It has been 13 months since I last saw her face. 13 months since I heard her voice or felt her embrace.

What I would give for one more day.........

Life Lesson # 758

2011-07-11T19:17:00.000-07:00

I had a very strange experience today. Leaving the church after prayer service I pulled out of the church drive onto the highway at a normal speed.

Ok....maybe I was a Grandma....

And this Tahoe came barreling over the hill.

Now there was NOTHING coming when I pulled out, but by the time I got on the highway and looked in my rear view mirror they were gaining on me at a rapid rate of speed.

So I punched it.

About the time I punched it I passed the exact spot that I saw my son laying crumpled at after he was hit by the truck.

And I was struck anew by how fast life can change, how precious life is.

I know when it happened I called my brother, but I didn't call anyone else until the next day because I knew how upset they would all be.

And upset they were. As sick as my mother was she wanted to come back here and take care of her boy.

So, this weekend something happened to me that should have made me really sad.

Now, I'm not going to say it didn't bother me, but probably not as much as it should have.

I have learned some very important life lessons in the past few years.

One was learned standing on the side of the highway looking down, and two more were learned standing by open graves. There are some things in life worth fighting for. Love is one of those things. And, boy....has my life been filled with great love.

I spent a good part of Saturday afternoon laying on the couch, alone in my parents house. Just thinking, remembering, and weeping for the loss of my wonderful parents. Letting go of the house seems like shutting a heavy door.

And as I came home I was blindsided by something that I still don't understand.

And I probably never will.

Today I was reminded how different my life could be this very second. I was reminded again what really matters, and what really doesn't.

I don't have time in my life for foolishness. I don't have time. Each and every day is ticking away and I refuse to be sucked into stupidness. Let me share something with whoever may happen upon this little blog of mine.

I learned some things in my life the hard way. It is the result of those hard lessons that I am the person I am today. Not the person I was 31 years ago. I have grown up, put away childish things, and realized I have a choice to make each and every day. My choice is happiness. My choice is happiness.......

Life Lesson # 758. Expect the unexpected. And then suck it up and keep on keeping on. After all, the sun is still shining, even behind the clouds.

Landmarks That Last

2011-06-13T09:43:00.000-07:00

I don't know who taught Hansel and Gretel, maybe they used their own ingenuity, but throwing down breadcrumbs was probably not the brightest idea. I know they were small children, but maybe with some instruction there would have been a different ending to the story.

It will be Father's Day this weekend.

I realize that mothers play a pivotal role in the lives of their children that cannot be duplicated.

So do fathers.

There are things we should learn from our fathers that we can learn from no one else. Things such as work ethic, honesty, firmness and loyalty.

I know plenty of people that have not had that role in their lives and turned out fine, let me say that from the outset. I also know of people who have had wonderful fathers and turned out, well, less than fine.

That is beside the point I want to make today.

Proverbs 22:28 says, "Remove not the ancient landmark, which thy fathers have set."

We use landmarks for directions, especially in the South.

"Turn left by the tree shaped like a Y and look for the house with the big rock in the front yard."

I honestly cannot tell you turn on this street and then on this street. I give directions based on things that I see. That is how I know I am on the right path.

Our children need landmarks in their lives. They need to know they are headed in the right directions or they need a point of reference to get them back on the right track.

They need to see, as fathers that you have set "landmarks" in your lives that will stand the test of time. Not bread crumbs that may be gone as soon as they are spotted by a hungry bird.

They need something they can put their trust in, something they can rely on to always be there, be constant.

I was choosing a picture to represent my Daddy for my facebook profile to honor him for Father's Day. I have several on my profile, but the one I chose was of a day he set a very distinct landmark in his life.

It is the day he was Baptized in the wonderful Name of Jesus for the Remission of his sins and also the day he was filled with the Holy Ghost.

That landmark is solid, built on the Word of God. It will stand the test of time.

My Daddy was an honorable man, he was a strong man, and he was a leader to our family.

But he still had to follow the plan of God. By doing so he was saying, "I have redirected my path. This is the starting point for a new way of life."

And through the Word I know that if he ever lost his way on this new path he could easily find that landmark, a place of repentance.

Did you know, fathers, that everyday you make choices that affect you, AND your children. The way you chose to conduct yourself, to live your life bleeds over into those most precious to you.

Are you on a path that you would want them to follow? If you were gone tomorrow, would the landmarks you have set up in your life be able to stand the test of time?

Thank You today for my earthly father. He was a good man and I am blessed to have been his child. But I also thank You for allowing him to recognize that he WAS a man, and he needed YOU in his life. I am clinging to that promise that as long as I continue to run this race, following the right path, one glorious day I will see Your face. Even so, come Lord Jesus.

When Grief Becomes Your Enemy

2011-06-07T15:17:00.000-07:00

I may have to roll up my sleeves on this one....It's going to take some work.

I would say that I met grief a little over a year ago now with the death of my father.

But that's not exactly true.

I think I was first introduced to grief many years before that as I watched my vibrant, successful parents become enthralled in health battles that they simply lacked the strength to fight.

I cannot count the times over the years I have backed out of their driveway sobbing because the grief of losing them even before they were gone was so overwhelming.

I do not believe for a moment that I am the only person on the face of the earth who has lived with grief as a constant companion. I also will not be so arrogant as to say my grief far surpasses anyone else's.

But the whole deal is, it's my grief.

It's that grief that has allowed me to remember wonderful things, to laugh, to smile, and to feel that love that I know that my parents had for me.

And in that sense grief became my friend.

It helped me on the road to healing, helped me to look at the positives in such a painful situation.

At some point, though, everything changed.

It has been that grief that has me wide eyed into the night, that haunts my dreams and colors my happiness.

That grief that allowed me to begin each day with the knowledge that I had lost but I had also gained had turned on me becoming a vicious enemy instead of a tender friend.

And there reached a point when I realized what had happened to me because of this great, consuming grief.

I realized I was broken.

I was a broken person. I may have looked ok on the outside, and I went through the motions of living, but there was something so wrong.

I lost my ability to feel the things I was supposed to feel anymore without the color of grief staining everything like the sun trying to shine pure through a stain glassed window. I could see the brightness, but it was discolored through my pain.

And I thought about David facing the loss of his son, on the floor, crying with sackcloth and ashes.

Until they told him that his son was gone.

Then he cleaned himself up, he ate.....he went on with his life.

It became time for me to pick myself up and go on.

It became time for me to put the long night of weeping behind me and realize it was morning, and time for some joy.

That thing that I thought was my friend to help me through a difficult time became my enemy that wanted to remove any happiness from my life, remove any laughter.

Without me even realizing what had taken place I had allowed this grief to almost render my vessel useless in its brokenness.

Oh maybe I wasn't broken in two, but there was such a crack in my life that even when I would go to church and get filled back up it would all run straight back out.

Here is the wonderful part.

One day I got back on that potter's wheel and God took my brokenness and He REMADE me. All of those imperfections that made me unusable were folded back into the clay in His hands and they have made me an even better vessel, one that has many more uses.

That enemy that wanted to destroy me played a part in making me stronger than I have ever been, opened up a whole new ministry for me and gave me more determination than I ever thought I could have.

I have MORE to go to Heaven for now, because someday I can dance on streets of Gold with my Daddy and he will have BOTH legs, and I can worship beside my Mama and her body will be whole again.

And all the pain, all the grief, all the loss will be worth it because there will be someone else there that has been touched through my circumstances.

No, I'm not the only one who has lost. But, no one else has gained what I have gained.

I know my grief will reappear as long as I am in this earthly vessel. But that's OK.

I have another friend Who is bigger by far than anything that comes up against me. And He is willing to fight for me when I am too weak to fight for myself.

He is my family, my closest Friend. My Life, My Love, My All.

*Thanks to Bro. Marc Wood for obeying God tonight. I began the blog before church, and I knew when I left it up that it was meant for me to finish after. What a blessing tonight was for me.*

We Have A History.....

2011-06-01T21:27:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time the pieces of two lives converged to make one and through that life there began a family.

Centuries have passed but what began way back when continues on. And laying beneath markers across this soil and beyond are what remains of the life's that made me who I am.

And for the most part I don't even know their names. Not that the names have the most significant draw of my imagination, no, it is the countless stories those lives possessed that I may never hear.

Yet, they are my history.

Denise and I stopped at a Revolutionary War Cemetery recently. Many of the graves had stories written right on them, though some we're too worn to understand. But each life and death had meaning to someone all those years ago.

In the midst of the cemetery stood a brick fence with an iron gate. Inside that fence was Mary.

Beloved Mary.

Daughter, wife, mother.

Loved and lost too soon.

And that grief that drove her husband to erect a monument there for her extolling her virtues spoke to my heart.

The story it told was of love. Great love.

I am in the middle of writing my history. And through the choices I make stories will be told of my time here on earth.

Or not.

I have the opportunity to leave a legacy that generations will remember or just leave.

Forgotten till someone stumbles upon my grave and wonders who I was.

I want to make every day count. I want to be remembered for my faith, my prayers, my love.

I want my history to inspire someone else to go as far as God will take them, to follow His lead even when it is not the popular way, because I want my history to reflect it is the best way to live.

There may be things in my past I regret, but never do I regret my walk with Him.

I have a history. And tomorrow I have the chance to add to it again. I chose to give tomorrow to Him.

Southern....I'm Southern

2011-05-23T19:53:00.000-07:00

I have had the privilege to do some traveling. I have not been a GREAT many places, but I am not done yet, by any means.

One thing that always becomes glaringly apparent when I travel is that I love being from the South.

Literally. Love.

I was riding along today, thinking about being Southern and all it means to me, to my life.

I know that there are some areas of the country that you cannot readily recognize from the way a person carries themselves that they are from any particular region.

No one doubts that I am Southern.

Even when I try my best to smooth out the twang in my voice it is apparent.

We have mannerisms here that I am pretty sure are not in other areas. And those mannerisms are magnified here in this small southern town.

I have lived in the South all of my life. ALL. OF. MY. LIFE.

No, I do not fly a Rebel flag in my front yard or have fighting *chickens* in the back. I said I was Southern, not necessarily a redneck.

My mother taught me how to be a proper Southern Lady, not that I paid TOO much attention. But, she did try.

And like most other Southerners I like my tea sweet, the only liquor I like is *pot likker* and if you don't know what that is, I'm not telling.

I say *Thank you* when someone holds the door open for me and we taught our children to say "Yes, Ma'am" and "No, Sir" when speaking. We even used a belt on them when necessary and they are not in counseling yet!!

I understand that everyone who waves at you while you are riding down the road may not know you. It is kind of like the tip of the hat from days gone by, and I like that.

When I travel to all the places I have been someone invariably asks, "So, where are you from?" because it is very obvious I am not from where I am.

And my reply is always the same.

"I'm from Georgia. I'm Southern."

There is no where else **ON EARTH** I'd rather be.

I know that Heaven will be a lot different from here, but I won't be too hard to find.

I will be the one hollering just inside the gates "Hey, y'all!! I made it through!! Praise the LORD!"

Living With The Author

2011-05-19T18:53:00.000-07:00

We had an excellent Bible Study tonight on the plan of salvation from the Search for Truth 2 study.

And just as I knew, Denise did a MUCH better job teaching it than I did. Of course, I interjected from the *peanut gallery* but that is to be expected. I just can't seem to hush about this wonderful faith.

One of the simple things Denise said tonight struck such a cord in me.

She said how much easier it is to understand the Word of God when the Author is residing within you.

Being filled with the Holy Ghost I have the Author living in me, and He gives me understanding that was denied me before.

How awesome is THAT?!?!?!

And, someday He will return and FINISH what He started in me over 20 years ago.

OH! How I love Him!!

To See Through The Glass Darkly

2011-05-06T23:42:00.000-07:00

Here it is....2:43 am, and yet I cannot close my eyes. Not for lack of tiredness, for I proclaim that I am weary of body and mind. And yet, I cannot seem to close out this day.

Would anyone fault me for dreams? I would not consider it. Dreams, it seems to me, are the reason we do want to rise to face each day. Without something to dream of, some tomorrow to seek, I fear I would want to sleep on forever.

I have looked toward dreams for many years, for 24 to be precise. Every since I first felt that flutter of life beneath my heart, I have dreamt of days to come with much anticipation.

And now, it appears that I am standing with my face pressed into the dark glass of those dreams, straining to catch a glimpse of what awaits on the other side.

I can feel each dream in my heart, yet I can scarcely see them with my eyes. But I still believe they are there.

I have no way to describe the feelings rushing inside of me.

I do not know if I can waste one precious moment to close my eyes and let sleep overtake me. Yet, I know I must.

I have no recourse but to place my trust firmly in His hands, knowing He sees the ending from the beginning. He sees clearly through the smoky tint that deprives me from a true glimpse of tomorrow.

And so, I will rest in His care, certain that He cares for me.

Kissing the BooBoo

2011-04-23T14:45:00.000-07:00

There are some hurts that go deeper than the surface, that dwell within the heart, unseen by human eyes. It is one of the marvelous things about modern technology that we can now *Look* into the human body through Radiology and *see* things that don't appear on a surface examination.

But, there is sometimes no way to see a broken heart unless you yourself carry one inside and know how it feels.

I have spent the past week surrounded by the love of those who know my symptoms, because they have suffered from the same injury.

It was refreshing to look into their eyes and see understanding, to be able to talk about things everyone else is tired of hearing, and to take that step forward from some of that heartache together.

I was holding my Great-Niece, Brooklyn, in my arms when she bent to the side and bumped her head. She didn't cry, she just looked at me with those big, beautiful eyes and rubbed her booboo.

I asked, "Do you want me to kiss it?"

"Uh-Huh," she said and tilted her head toward me to allow me to reach the spot.

"Is it better?" I asked.

"Is all beddur," she replied and immediately began wiggling again, secure in the arms of someone who loves her, knowing that if another booboo happens there is someone waiting to "Kiss it and make it all better."

I know just how she feels.

To my precious family:

We didn't sit around and mope and whine, but it was nice to be with those who have that same heart defect that I do, just knowing that someone else knows how it feels.

This past week was like the Balm of Gilead for my soul, just knowing that love survives even death.

And I do love you, each of you, not only for our common ground, but because of who you are, who you have become, and that belonging that is there.

Thank you for every single moment and the reminder that the tribe has survived.

"Is SO MUCH beddur now!"

Apostolic Attitude

2011-04-09T21:44:00.000-07:00

I'm a part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I have
Holy Ghost power. The dye has been cast, I have
stepped over the line. The decision has been made
I'm a disciple of His. I won't look back, let up, slow
down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my
present makes sense, my future is secure.

I'm finished with low-living, sight-walking, small planning,
smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed vision,
chintzy giving, and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need prosperity, position, promotion or
popularity. I don't have to be right, first, tops, recog-
nized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by
present tense, by faith, walk by patience, lift by prayer,
and labor by power.

My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is heaven. My
road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions few,
my guide reliable, my mission clear.

I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured
away, turned back, deluded, deceived, or delayed. I will
not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence
of my enemy, negotiate at the table of the adversary,
ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the
maze of mediocrity.

I won't give up, let up or shut up until I have stayed up,
stored up, prayed up , paid up and preached up for the
cause of Christ.

I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I must go 'til He comes,
give 'til I drop, preach 'til all know and work 'til He stops
me. And, when He comes for His own, He will not have
any problem recognizing me because I will not be dis-
couraged and I refuse to quit.

It's Worth It, Brother

2011-04-09T21:24:00.000-07:00

There are doom and gloom ministers out there. I have heard a few.

I don't want to be classified as doom and gloom.

But, it behooves me to say......

It's time to get it together, people.

If you don't believe it is necessary, don't believe that a God of LOVE will send you to hell....OK

Let me just say....God sends no one to hell.

We take care of that on our own.

There is pleasure in sin for a season, as I know I have said before. We are on the brink of time. Time when there won't be a tomorrow for you to make up your mind. And whether you choose to believe that people will be going to hell or not, it's going to happen.

The Bible speaks very plainly about it. There is no ifs, ands or buts.

I don't go out clubbin', don't party, don't do a lot of things that the world sees as fun. But, let me tell you something, I have fun, and there is nothing to regret in the end. I don't wake up the next day wondering what I have done. My children could never be ashamed of my behavior.

I have not left behind a single thing that I have missed again because my life is so full of so many other wonderful things.

Living for God is worth it. Hands down.

I wouldn't trade my life for anyone else's.

And that's a fact.

Mean Moms

2011-03-30T15:48:00.001-07:00

I have been listening to my daughter come home after student teaching and thought, "What is wrong with people?!?!"

I am glad my chosen path was not teaching and I am so thankful for those who do!!

One thing I have noticed is that some people have stopped teaching their children accountability. In case you don't know what that is, it is accepting responsibility for your own actions.

An example: Your teacher tells you there is an assignment due the next Tuesday. You do not do the assignment. You get an "F" on the assignment that you DID NOT DO. That is the responsibility of your own action, or lack thereof.

But, what happens these days? Parents call the school saying how unfair it is for their precious little Susie to get a failing grade because she didn't do her assignment.

Now, let's recap. What have we learned from the above example?

Little Susie has learned that she can get away with whatever she wants because Mommie Dearest is going to stomp up to the school and "take care of things."

HHHHMMMM.....

The next generation is looking "promising." We had better get busy building more prisons because that judge isn't going to care how big of a fit Mommie Dearest pitches.

I wouldn't or couldn't ever claim to be a perfect mom.

But let me tell you, I whipped first and asked questions later! If my kids came home with a bad grade because they didn't turn in an assignment they were calling on Jesus to help them out! I didn't play that.

I have had to talk to teachers, but I was very certain before I did that, AND I listened to the teachers side before I drew any conclusions.

Anyway....I wanted to share this old poem. I changed one part. I challenge my children to find it and message it to me....don't leave it as a comment (we don't want everyone to know just how mean I am...hahaha)

Mean Moms

Someday when my children are old enough to

understand the logic that motivates a parent, I will

tell them, as my Mean Mom told me:

I loved you enough . . . to ask where you were going, with whom,and what time you would be home.

I loved you enough to be silent and let you discover that your new best friend was a creep.

I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours

while you cleaned your room, a job that should have taken 15 minutes.

I loved you enough to let you see anger,

disappointment, and tears in my eyes.

Children must

learn that their parents aren't perfect.

I loved you enough to let you assume the

responsibility for your actions even when the

penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart.

But most of all, I loved you enough . . . to say

NO when I knew you would hate me for it.

Those were the most difficult battles of all. I'm

glad I won them, because in the end you won, too.

And someday when your children are old enough to

understand the logic that motivates parents, you will tell them.

Was your Mom mean?

I know mine was.

We had the meanest mother in the whole world!

While other kids

ate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal, eggs, and toast.

When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, we had to eat sandwiches.

And you can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that was

different from what other kids had, too.

Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all

times. You'd think we were convicts in a prison. She

had to know who our friends were, and what we were

doing with them. She insisted that if we said we

would be gone for an hour, we would be gone for an hour or less.

We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve

to break the Child Labor Laws by making us work.

We had to wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry,

empty the trash and all sorts of cruel jobs.

I think she would lie awake at night thinking of more things for us to do.

She always insisted on us telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. By the time we were teenagers, she could read our minds and had eyes in the back of her head. Then, life was really tough!

Mother wouldn't let our friends just honk the horn

when they drove up. They had to come up to the door so she could meet them. While everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13, we had to wait until we were 16 and then only with suitable chaperones. We were not allowed to be alone with a date.

Because of our mother we missed out on lots of

things other kids experienced. None of us have ever

been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other's property or ever arrested for any crime.

It was all her fault. Now we are in college becoming educated,

honest adults. We even go to church every service and look forward to it.

We are going to do our best to be mean

parents just like Mom was.

I think that is what's wrong with the world today.

It just doesn't have enough mean moms!

I'll Love You Forever

2011-03-29T19:52:00.001-07:00

I received a nice surprise when I woke up this morning. I usually check my email when I am trying to wake up immediately when I get out of bed and right before I get my morning coffee, so my eyes are not completely open.

I noticed I had a message from someone I know of, but don't really know.

The message was about my Dad.

And I cannot express how wonderful it was to know someone else thinks about him, too.

Since I was already misty-eyed I just kept it going by thinking about the day that I married.

My Daddy refused to "Give" his daughters away.

He said, "I don't give MY children away."

So, the minister had to say, "Who PRESENTS this woman to be married?"

And, he would respond, "Her mother and I."

As we stood by the double doors awaiting our time to walk into the sactuary he squeezed my hand and said, "You don't have to do this. The car is running outside. I will just go in and tell the WE changed our minds."

That's how it was.

We were a unit.

And neither love nor money could separate us.

Even when I said "I do" I was still Jim Merritt's baby girl.

No words or piece of paper changed that in his mind (and in mine).

I have made mistakes, taken some tumbles, gotten into some scrapes and cried some tears.

No matter what, my Mama and Daddy were still there, even when the problems I faced were caused by my own hands.

I may have had to listen to "I told you so" but it was laced with love.

So, I thought about that "Prodical" son.

When he asked for his portion and took off to find his dreams I am pretty sure his dad did not celebrate.

Nope. But the Bible does say he celebrated.

He celebrated, not when his son came home in a jet, with gold dripping off every part of his body.

It says he celebrated when his son came back after living with the pigs of life, broke and broken.

Because no matter what, he was still his son, and he didn't pay him off to get him out of his hair.

That daddy didn't give HIS son away.

Neither did Jesus give me away.

Even when I took all the riches He had given me and walked away.

Even when I came back broke and broken.

He celebrated and restored me so I could celebrate, too!!

My Daddy may be gone, but I have no doubt that he loved me. I was still his baby until he drew his last breath. And even now, when he is gone from this world, I still belong to him.

And I am holding on to that love that I received from them, even in the bad times, because they gave me something that will last as long as I do, and beyond to my children, and their children.

And so on, and so on....as long as the Lord taries.

I know, beyond a doubt, that love will carry on as long as times lasts.

As long as I'm living....their baby I'll be.

Your Personal Exodus

2011-03-29T14:32:00.000-07:00

God is the great conductor. There is no area of life that He does not control.

When you read about Jacob in the book of Genesis you can see that very easily. As Jacob lost his beloved son, Joseph, he was actually receiving a blessing because through Joseph's trials and faithfulness he was able to save his entire family during the time of great famine.

His position in Egypt would make him able to provided for the children of "Israel" during this very dark time.

God had a plan.

And through that plan a nation was sustained.

They remained there many years and from that small group of about 70 men (plus women and children) would grow under these times of prosperity in Egypt into around 3 million when they finally headed for the wilderness.

This fulfilled God's promise to Abraham that He would make his seed as the stars and the sand.

For about 100 years God's chosen people lived as aristocrats in Egypt. But there came a time when a Pharaoh that did not know Joseph was in place and saw the abundant Israelites as a threat. He believed they could join with some enemy king and defeat Egypt.

So these people of the Covenant became slaves.

God had promised to care for them and make them prosperous, but they had neglected their covenant obligations to the Lord.

During this time of oppression while they felt the taskmaster whips upon their backs they began to cry out to the Lord. And He heard their cries.

Why did God's chosen people have to suffer? If they had never been through this time of oppression and slavery they may have never wanted to leave Egypt. And through all of this labor they were prepared for those years in the wilderness and released them from the hold their prosperity had on them.

Today, right now, there is someone reading this that is in bondage to their own "Egypt."

I don't have a fortune teller's ball to call out whatever it is that has you bound, but I can guess a few things.

And I know that there is "pleasure in sin for a season," but somewhere down the line, seasons change. And that thing that made you feel warm and fuzzy in the beginning becomes a hard taskmaster, wielding the whip of oppression over God's chosen people.

What needs to happen when you find yourself groaning and crying out to God?

Certainly He could cause whatever situation you are in to end. He could have killed Pharaoh when he would not let the Israelites go.

You have to be willing to enter back into that Covenant relationship with Him.

Repent (turn from your sin)

And if you have already been Baptized in Jesus' Name then you should seek to have that Promise (the Holy Ghost) refilled in your life.

God never meant for His people to be in bondage. He never meant for us to be slaves to sin.

We were meant to reap the blessings of having the King of Kings for our Father.

There may come a time in your life when you have to begin your own personal exodus out of the land of bondage and into the promises God has for you.

But in order to do that you have to be willing to move. Maybe the problems you are facing now are what will drive you to that place where you call out to God for deliverance.

Without problems, we would never need a Deliverer.

Think about it.

Our afflictions can produce wondrous results if we allow God to work in our lives.

Maybe it is time today for someone to begin their own personal exodus out of sinful situations and begin to walk toward the promises God has for you.

It all begins with you. Are you willing?

Can You Keep A Secret??

2011-03-07T19:49:00.000-08:00

I have noticed something over the years: People like to talk, especially about other people.

When my children were little it was always painful when they would come home from school hurt over something someone had said.

I had no explanation that could make them understand how someone could be hurtful except to explain that most of the time when someone says something to hurt you it is because they are hurting themselves and somehow when they hurt you it keeps them from feeling their own pain.

Now my children are grown and I still find myself searching for explanations as to why people can be so cruel.

I know, He never promised us a world free of pain and strife, but when those that you trust hurt you, the pain is harder to explain away.

I spent some time today with someone who was relating a conversation they had had with someone else.

They were speaking of a situation that had risen and suddenly they began to relate to me the reason they heard the situation had come about.

And as I listened to why this person I did not even know had lost everything I felt sick inside.

The details were so insidious that they rang in my ears. All I could think as the one who bore the news finished with a twist to their mouth like they had just imparted me with some tantalizing secret knowledge about someone I have never met was....how horrible...

The fact is, if this was true, this person's life is ruined forever, covered in a disgrace that soap won't wash off.

But....what if it's not true?

What if there is no basis of fact at all in what I was told....yet people are still telling it?

This person's life is still, more than likely, ruined forever.

I know how people think. Unfortunately, it is more entertaining to believe the worst.

There are people in this world that thrive on carrying tales. I would that I could write this today and say I have never listened, but I can't.

And I know that there have been times that I have heard words coming out of my mouth and thought....**wait a minute....what am I doing?**

What does God say about gossip in His Word?

"For I fear, lest, when I come, I shall not find you such as I wish, and that I shall be found by you such as you do not wish; lest there be contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, backbitings, whisperings, conceits, tumults"
(2 Corinthians 12:20).

"You shall not go about as a talebearer among your people; nor shall you take a stand against the life of your neighbour: I am the Lord" (Leviticus 19:16).

"And besides they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house, and not only idle but also gossips and busybodies, saying things which they ought not"
(1 Timothy 5:13).

"For I heard many mocking: 'Fear on every side!' 'Report,' they say, 'and we will report it.' All my acquaintances watched for my stumbling, saying, '...we will take our revenge on him'" (Jeremiah 20:10).

"Likewise the soldiers asked him, saying, 'And what shall we do?' So he said to them, 'Do not intimidate anyone or accuse falsely, and be content with your wages'"
(Luke 3:14).

"Do not speak evil of one another, brethren. He who speaks evil of a brother and judges his brother, speaks evil of the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is one Lawgiver, who is able to save and destroy. Who are you to judge another?" (James 4:11,12).

"Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone..." (Matthew 18:15).

This **tale** that I heard today could cost this person their job, their children, and possibly their freedom. Yet, it was delivered with a smirk.

I recently spoke with someone who has been the victim of gossip at the hands of their **brethren.**

I had no words to make it better, just as before.

But I wept when they told me, "I don't have friends in the church. They have hurt me, turned their back on me, said things about me that aren't true."

I thought of Jesus, kneeling in the sand, while those that had accused the adulterous woman were called to come forward, cast the first stone.

In the end, there was none left, except the woman and the Lord.

John 8:10-11

¹⁰When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?

¹¹She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.

There have been many times in my life that, for whatever reason, I have learned something as I did today. I can be real and admit that I have probably thought to share it with someone else, and even, at times, I have.

And it was wrong.

There is something painfully broken in a soul that would derive joy from purposely hurting another, after all, words are a powerful thing.

What did I say to this person that was hurt recently?

I said, "I love you."

I said, "When all the gossips are gone, He is still there."

I said, "It really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about you, all that matters is what you KNOW."

Now, can you keep a secret??

Good. Keep it.

Yesterday, Today....Forever

2011-03-02T17:30:00.000-08:00

I remember still the warmth of your hand as it held mine, the strength you had as you would lift me like an easy burden to gently carry me to my bed and tuck me safely inside.

You, with those eyes so blue, your heavy step as you entered a room, announcing to everyone YOU had arrived.

All those memories of you float in my mind.

There are so many things we never say until it's too late, and although I know you cannot hear the words today my heart feels lighter to say them.

You were a man that I was proud to call my Daddy.

Did you always do everything right? No. But then, neither do I. I am your child, after all, born of the flesh.

Did you ever give me a reason to not be proud of who you were?

Absolutely not.

I spent my younger years in awe of you, because you were larger than life to me.

But then time happened, and you became not only my powerful Daddy who could fix any problem and answer any question, you became my friend.

I could confide in you, call you with any problem, and you would listen and advise.

And it is so impossible for me to comprehend you are gone, even a year later.

How can someone like you suddenly be gone? Even with the sickness, with the loss of physical power, you were still my first crush, the measuring stick that no one could ever fully measure up to. And I guess, that's the way it is supposed to be for little girls.

Yesterday I said goodbye.

Today my heart still aches.

And I still hear you, whispering in my heart, you still walk the halls of my dreams.

I think of how it must have been for you, at the end. Even though I know you were ready to go, I also know that you hated to leave us, hated to leave your sweetheart who hastened to join you.

I sit here today missing you, just the same as yesterday.

But I have memories that sing in my soul....

The memory of you, being baptised in the Name of Jesus, just like in the Book of Acts....

The memory of you, receiving the Holy Ghost....

The memory of you raising your voice in praise to the One who gave you all.

And I have that HOPE that someday I WILL see you again.

I will see you again forever.

I love you, my sweet, precious Daddy. I will miss you till that day.

Road Kill

2011-02-21T18:00:00.000-08:00

I spend a good deal of time behind the wheel of my car traveling the country highways of my state.

I have seen a lot of stuff.

Because we live in a rural area there are a great many dead animals along the roadways.

Thankfully, I have not been the cause of any of them, to my knowledge. I mean, we did hit a deer once, but my husband was driving, so I don't count that.

I was traveling the other day and a cute little bunny darted out. It was a close call. And I know they don't have the reasoning abilities we do, but I wonder if when they are out there darting cars if they ever question their plan to get whatever they are seeking on the other side.

I have seen ducks, deer, raccoons, possums, beavers, St. Bernard's (I really thought it was a lion at first) and some things I could not identify and seriously thought about turning around for another look.

Because, really, at that point, what else is there to do but look?

The decision was made by some critter that whatever was on the other side was far better than what was on the side they were presently on, so they took off toward it.

Sometimes they didn't look to see if anything was coming, or maybe they thought they could make it in time, I don't know.

Perhaps they just see something and go for it with no other thoughts at all.

After my close call with the cute bunny I started thinking about all those I had seen lost by the wayside and I thought there would be no Mama Bunny to mourn the death of her baby.

When a deer is hit, the other deer that were with the one hit don't turn around to see if that one is hurt, they keep on going. They don't warn their buddy should they see headlights coming in the distance, they keep on running.

It has been over 2 years ago now since Ethan was hit that faithful night. Logan tried to warn him, calling to him to look out for the coming truck, but he could not be heard.

And if Logan had not been there and the truck had continued on who is to say that Ethan would not have lain there with no one to help.

It would have been a tragedy.

Have there been times in my life when I had my eyes on something that I thought was better than what I had only to end up run over in the process?

Could someone have called out a warning?

Would I have heard?

And if not, would they come to my rescue?

There are people all around darting in and out of possible catastrophes, accidents waiting to happen.

What if I could raise my voice and prevent it?

What if I could convince them not to cross?

What if I could be there when they have been run over by life to help?

Life is a constant....

Constant in movement.

Constant in change.

Constantly things are happening.

And it is easy for someone to end up on the side of the road of life, plowed down by circumstances.

I don't want to end up road kill.

So, if you see me about to cross and danger in my path, warn me.

If you find me by the wayside, broken and bruised, care for me.

You Will Know

2011-02-07T19:23:00.000-08:00

I have seen so many
Thinking they have made it
Holding on the the tail end
Of dreams of grandeur
Believing they can fly away
And touch the stars

But the problems come
When you think you have the answer
To the questions that you ask in your heart

You will know
When you finally find the right thing
You will know
That it was worth the cost
You will become
More than you ever dreamed of
When you come full circle
When you fall back on your knees
When you reach for forever
Instead of empty dreams
When tomorrow is everything
You never thought it'd be
You will know
You will know.

You have reached out for a promise
But the emptiness is still there
You have run from the security
To find yourself nowhere
You have given all your pearls
To the swines of this world
They never understand the cost

But there are people
Right now on bending knees
They are crying out
To Him your name they speak
And even though you think you know
How green the grass will be
They are praying
That very soon you will be free

And then you'll know
You have finally found the right thing
You will know
That it was worth the cost
You will become
More than you ever dreamed of
When you come full circle
When you fall back on your knees
When you reach for forever
Instead of empty dreams
Tomorrow will be everything
You never thought it'd be
You will know
You will know
You will know

Tomorrow will be everything
Better than your dreams
And you will know
You will know
He is all you need.

Keeping the Chamber Ready

2011-01-27T14:44:00.000-08:00

2 Kings 4:8-37 tells the story of the Shunammite woman, a woman the Bible refers to as a "great woman" in verse 8 and Elisha. This woman (we never learn her name) saw Elisha pass and constrained him to come and eat bread with them. She didn't just ask, she insisted. After that, Elisha would stop whenever he passed that way and eat with them.

This woman saw that Elisha was "a holy man of God" and she decided to make a chamber there for them in the wall and to furnish it for his comfort so that he could rest there when he passed by.

She never knew when he might be passing that way, but she obviously kept that chamber prepared for him in case he were to visit.

One day when he was visiting he had Gehazi his servant call her to the room and as she stood before him he asked her what she wanted, but she would not tell him. Elisha asked Gehazi what to do for her and he told him that the woman had no child and her husband was old.

So Elisha had her called back and she stood in the doorway of the chamber she had prepared.

He told her she would have a son about a year from then.

She responded, "Nay, my lord, thou man of God, do not lie unto thine handmaid.

A year later she had a son.

And that son grew and grew until he was old enough to go into the fields with his father.

While in the fields with him one day the boy became sick complaining of his head hurting and was carried back to his mother who held him in her lap until around noontime when he died.

What did she do when that promise died?

Did she scream, cry, fall in the floor in hysterics?

No, not quite.

She took that promise and laid it on the bed of the man of God and shut the door.

She called her husband to have him get a chariot ready and have one of the young men take her to the man of God.

Her husband wanted to know why she was going to see him now and her only reply was, "It SHALL be well."

Elisha saw her coming in the distance and he told Gehazi to go meet her and see if everything was well with her, her husband and the child.

Her reply was, "It is well."

When she finally got the Elisha she "caught" his feet and as Gehazi came to pull her off Elisha told him to let her alone because he knew something was wrong.

She finally said, "Did I desire a son of my lord? did I not say, Do not deceive me?"

Elisha told Gehazi to go and take his staff, and not to stop for any reason, and then lay the staff on the boy's face.

But the woman was not going to let it go at that. She didn't get the promise from Gehazi, she had gotten it from Elisha.

Verses 31-37 tell the rest of the story:

And when Elisha was come into the house, behold, the child was dead, and laid upon his bed. He went in therefore, and shut the door upon them twain, and prayed unto the lord, and he went up , and lay upon the child, and put his mouth upon his mouth, and his eyes upon his eyes, and his hands upon his hands: and he stretched himself upon the child; and the flesh of the child waxed warm. Then he returned, and walked in the house to and fro; and went up, and stretched himself upon him: and the child sneezed seven times, and the child opened his eyes. And he called Gehazi, and said, Call this Shunammite. So he called her. And when she was come in unto him, he said, Take up thy son. Then she went in, and fell at his feet, and bowed herself to the ground, and took up her son, and went out.

I have heard this message preached by some great men. Most recently, I heard Bro. Cody Marks preach this titled: "What Do You Do With A Dead Promise."

I think the point he brought out that has so changed me was the fact that this woman that the Bible refers to as a "great woman" took it upon herself to build a room for the man of God and obviously she kept that chamber ready for him at all times because she knew he was a man of God and when he passed by she wanted him to STAY.

After she received that son that he had promised her she didn't forsake that chamber just because she had gotten what she wanted. We know this because when her promised son died she placed him in that room WHERE THE PROMISE WAS MADE!

When he died she went back to where the promise came from.

Now, I am going to be real here for a minute. I have to be honest and say that within the last year with all that has gone on in my life I might have allowed some stuff into my chamber that cluttered it up. I haven't been as diligent about keeping it ready as I should be.

Oh, he could have gotten in there, but there may have been a little dust on the table, and maybe the linens on the bed were not as fresh as they could have been.

God has made me some specific promises in my life, and the other night after a TREMENDOUS service He dealt with me about them.

"I will keep my promises, but there are things in your life that you know you should be doing better. You take care of those things, I will take care of my promises."

And then I heard this message and I knew it was for me.

I have got to get the broom out, break out the duster and freshen the linens, because when He passes by, I don't want Him to look into the chamber in my life I have prepared for His presence to dwell in and it not be prepared for Him to stay.

When He comes by me, I want Him to stay awhile.

And when I find myself holding on to a dead promise I want to have that place ready so that I can take that promise back to where it came from.

God, sweep the corners of my heart, continue to work in my life. I want to be ready when You come by here, I want to ALWAYS be prepared for You.

Along the Journey

2011-01-19T07:22:00.000-08:00

My husband and I went on a cruise a couple of weeks ago. It was a new experience for both of us and one I will gladly repeat. For us, cruising is a pretty good deal...we don't drink, I don't even drink sodas and we don't gamble, so, all in all, it was a bargain.

We went into Cozumel, which I found out rather quickly that unless you are into Jewelry there is really not a lot of shopping to do. We walked along the strip dutifully anyway. A couple of people who were very insistent just knew they could succeed in selling me some bauble.

One guy in particular practically drug me into a store wanting to give me a "charm." He grabbed my hand and poured a silver oak leaf into it. I said, "Well, this is nice, but I don't want it."

"Yes! You take it!"

"Nope. I told you when you drug me in here I do not wear jewelry."

"But, you take it, you will wear!"

"Nope. You take it back. I am Pentecostal. I do not wear jewelry."

And with that I poured it into his hand and he apologized.

When we made the return trip by he said, "Come....oh, I remember you."

We rented some scooters and ventured around the island. I was terrified. Traffic is very different. I did really well in the remote areas, but when we were in town about to head back to the boat, Bobby turned one way and after he turned a very kind lady let me know he had turned down a one-way (the WRONG way).

I watched him round the next corner and I reluctantly turned in the opposite direction.

After a few intersections I finally found a street I could turn down. It was one of those instances that I knew I was just going to have to do whatever needed to be done.

I did some very in-depth praying during that time.

We finally met back up. Needless to say my nerves were frazzled when we finally parked the scooters. (and don't tell Bobby, but I would do it again in a heartbeat)

I went to visit my grandmother before the cruise and during trying to change the current subject I told her that we were going on the cruise thinking it would be a nice safe topic.

She promptly set me straight.

All these trips weren't going to mean a thing, the only thing that mattered was going to Heaven...

I get that.

And that is definitely the goal of my life, what I want more than anything.

But do I think that He expects us to sit around and wait until that great and marvelous day?

No, not really.

I am on a journey today. And the destination that I am bound for is Heaven.

Now, as Bro. Martyn Ballestero said, "This bus is going to Chicago."

As long as you stay on the bus, you will make it to your destination. But if you get off in Albuquerque then you will not get to Chicago. Period.

As long as I continue to follow the path that is outlined in the Word of God then I will make it to my destination.

I can have some fun along the way as long as I stay on the path!

So far, so good....with the GPS that I have been using (God's Path Specified).

I have a Pastor that preaches the Truth without fail. He is passionate about it, and he has not watered down the message. He is my Watchman On The Wall!!

I read the Word and study (because I want to be "approved").

I spend time in prayer, talking to Him, because I want Him to know me, and I want to know Him!!

I am continuing forward along this journey called life. Some days are filled with laughter and fun, some days are stressful, some days are sorrowful, but every day is worth the cost to make it to the end!!

When They Ask Why

2011-01-08T20:52:00.000-08:00

I have been blessed to have 2 great nieces that are being raised to love the Lord. In this day and age that is a wonderful thing, indeed.

I have Brooklyn and Kinsley.

I am constantly enthralled by stories about them. And I am awed as I watch their baby features turning into little girl features, even though only get to watch this from a distance.

My sister and I talked today and I could picture Brooklyn in my mind, waking up and, with that sweet little voice, asking for something to eat.

I wish I were there to see her slide on her slide in the living room.

Kinsley, according to her mother is already quoting Bible verses at 21 months.

" Cheeldren, obey yo pa-ents in the Lawd"

"Ou-a God eez One Lawd"

"Peter said unto dem, Hepent, Baphize, Ho-ey Toast"

These babies are amazing!!!

And so are their parents.

I was reading tonight in Deuteronomy Chapter 6 and I thought about these beautiful little girls and the responsibilities we have to our children.

My daughter was telling me the other day about a friend that paid her an extreme compliment. He said he respected her because she actually knew what she believed and why she believed it.

I know it is so tempting when they are so very small and have asked "Why" what seems like a hundred times in a row to simply say "because" and go no further with it.

But in doing that we are essentially robbing our children of the knowledge they need to build their own faith.

In Deuteronomy the 6th Chapter, the Lord admonishes the Israelites to remember.

6:4-12 (NIV) Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your homes. When the LORD your God brings you into the land he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to give you-a land with large flourishing cities you did not build, houses filled with all kinds of good things you did not provide, wells you did not dig, and vineyards and olive groves you did not plant-then when you eat and are satisfied, be careful that you do not forget the LORD, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.

We have become a spoiled, complacent generation that expects life to hand us whatever it is we need. We have become thankless.

Gone are the reminders of where it is He brought us from. We, for the most part, are not toiling the land for our food, sweating and struggling to build a roof over our heads, we live like we are deserving of the bounties we have without remembering the One who makes it all possible.

I can sit with my children and say my life was not always like this. I was bound by sin, a slave to the things of this world, and I always want to be mindful of the One that set me free.

When my grandchildren come along one day and ask "why" Grandma cries and worships, why she sings to the Lord, why she has set aside the things of the world, I want to have all the answers...

"Because once like a bird in prison I dwelt, no freedom from my sorrow I felt, but Jesus came and listened to me. Glory to God, He set me free!"

You have taken the time to explain to your children why the sky is blue, where the water goes when you flush, why puppies shouldn't lick you on the mouth, but have you told them.....

"Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one"

The Ghost of Christmas Past

2010-12-24T14:50:00.000-08:00

I don't know if it is fair to say that I am haunted. But memories have become tangled in my mind like kite strings in trees on a windy day.

I am deluged with memories from 44 Christmases that have come and gone.

I feel melancholy but not particularly sad.

Just wondering about Christmases I have yet to experience.

I want to honor Him today. I want Him to know that I have not forgotten Him. I have not forgotten what He did by coming to earth, making Himself man so He could feel as man feels.

I know He did, feel, weep.

And He rejoiced.

Tonight I sit with memories swirling in my mind. Long ago days that I can recall only glimpses of along with more recent days that burn bright and vivid in my mind.

And my heart cries out with thankfulness.

You knew when I was formed that this time would come. And in every way You prepared me to feel loss yet to continue to feel love.

And I do. I still feel the love that little girl felt laying in bed anticipating what the morning would bring. I still feel the love that shimmered when my own babies woke me at 3 am to let me know it was Christmas.

I still feel the love You had for me as You made Yourself a living sacrifice for MY sins.

I can feel each year tonight, each moment in time. And more than that I can see Your love for me in every memory.

You are the love of my life. Looking back it is so plain to see, no one loves me more than You.

The Way We Were

2010-12-18T20:46:00.000-08:00

I heard a song the other day

Another memory

Another time

And I could see days long gone

The softness that time has provided

To yesterday

I could hear the voices of the past

Ringing in my heart

Drawing out a longing

To relive that precious time

Knowing now how precious it was

Missing the way we were.....

When I Grow Up....

2010-12-13T18:32:00.000-08:00

There are many things that I think about when remembering my mother. Mama was unique in so many ways.

My Mama tended to exaggerate, especially when it was something to do with the health of someone else.

Case in point: I was still living at home. My sister, Cyndi, had injured her shoulder.

I get a call from my Mom. "You need to go over to your sister's house and help her. She can't use her arms! She really needs some help!"

The phone beeps.

"Hold, on a second, Mama."

Click.

It's my sister on the line. I can just see her standing there with my brother-in-law, Randy holding the phone to her ear.

I explained I was talking to Mom and I would be over in just a bit to help her.

When I get there, her shoulder hurts, just one shoulder, but she has the ability to use both arms.

She called me one day to tell me a tornado was headed my way and that I needed to get into the hall closet!

I slam the phone down, grab my cat, Tiger, and jump into the closet.

The phone starts ringing.

It doesn't stop.....

I run out of the closet, certain I am going to die before I can get back in there and it's Mom on the phone.

"Are you OK?"

"Mama! I was in the closet!!"

She had a quirky sense of humor that not many saw but us.

She was strong as she needed to be yet she also had the tendency to panic.

After we moved to Douglas Mom developed the habit of panicking with every siren she heard go by. I cannot tell you the number of calls I got from her. It was always the same thing.

"Are you OK? I just heard the sirens go by."

I was working nights and she called after lunch one day in the "middle of my night."

I saw it was her on caller ID so I thought I would just call her back in a little while when I got up.

Next thing I know I hear "It's a Small World" playing over and over. Since that happened to be our door bell at the time I finally got up and made it to the door to find Mom standing there.

"You had better get up before your house burns down around you!!"

The woods at the end of the road were on fire and it had, indeed, burned into our next door neighbor's yard.

After her abrupt delivery of her message she got into her car and drove away and I stayed outside spraying the water hose on my yard to prevent burning.

She called one day as she normally did. "Are you OK?"

To which I hastily replied, "Why, did an ambulance go by?"

It hadn't. And my teasing hurt her feelings. She pretty much quit her siren calls after that, much to my deep regret.

I missed them.

I often thought of how she dealt with it in terms of her other children. She was too far away from them to sense trouble that might have involved them. She couldn't hear the sirens to alert her that all might not be right. She just had to trust that it was. She could hear it in your voice if it wasn't, no matter how well you tried to conceal it. And she WOULD get it out of you, no matter how long it took!

She never quit worrying about me, even to the end. She downplayed all that was going on with her for my benefit and questioned me about, well, me.

And I feel the depth of loss of her, and the way she loved me, unconditionally.

I hear her voice often times....

I hear it coming out of my own mouth.

"Where are you at? There was a bad wreck in town."

"Call me when you get where you are going so I will know you are safe."

"If you go there sick like you are you are going to end up with pneumonia!!"

Every time I hear a siren and I don't know where my children are I feel a clinching in my heart and I know this is how she always felt.

It doesn't turn off, no matter how old they get to be....no matter how old I get to be.

I have become so much like her in many ways, and that suits me just fine.

I have grown into some of her attributes, some of her mannerisms, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I sure do miss my Mama.....and when I grow up.....I want to be JUST like her!!

She Works Hard For The Money

2010-12-04T09:05:00.001-08:00

I know, you have missed me, dear blog. I have missed you too!!

I have been busy, busy, busy. Work has kept me running here and there and everywhere. I will be so thankful to have things even out...if they ever will.

For Thanksgiving we escaped and went to Disney World for 4 fabulous days! We had so much fun! I really think this was the best trip yet.

We laughed and loved and laughed some more. And you know, I become I little kid again as soon as I see that big Welcome sign that crosses the road when you are entering in. We actually stayed inside Disney this time. I don't think I will ever stay anywhere else.

I know it has been said by some that I spoil my children. It has even said that I have "Bought" their love....which is the most ludicrous thing I have ever heard.

I have loved. Plain and simple. And in that love or out of that love, I have tried to store up memories for my family, for that "someday" when I am no longer here. I want them to look back and say, "Remember when..."

We have just as many memories right here in the confines of these walls as we do at Disney or any of the other places we have visited.

And here is another secret....I work hard, I pay my bills, I'm not up to my eyeballs in debt, and if I want to enjoy my family, that is my business.

Wouldn't you agree?

I will let you in on another secret.... **whispers** I was spoiled, too.

Yup, there it is.....

Did I turn out bad? I don't think so.

And I have noticed something....my kids are pretty great. I'm proud of them, of who they are and who they strive to become.

And I think they love me, too. Not because of what I may have given them, materially, but because of what I have given them maternally.

So, we went to Disney for Thanksgiving. And we had a wonderful time laughing and loving.

And we made plans for the future. Plans for when they move on and have families of their own. Plans to return to laugh and love all over again, year after year.

Now, that made my Thanksgiving something to be thankful about. How blessed I am to have my family. How blessed I am that God has allowed us to be in the position to enjoy something like Disney, because I know how situations can change in an instant.

And I am thankful that even if I didn't have 2 dimes to rub together, I have love beyond measure.

That is something you could never put a price on.

So, I work hard for every paycheck, but, thankfully, love has come easily to my life. I have given love, and it has been returned tenfold!!

Thank You, my faithful Savior, for YOUR love for me. You HAVE given me the desires of my heart. And when that great day comes I know that it will be the love that I have for my children that they will remember most of all! I love You so much!!

Lessons Learned

2010-11-18T18:36:00.000-08:00

You know how when you are in the midst of trial and trauma you think, "What is going on here?"

I know that I have on occasion asked God, "What's up?"

Today when talking to someone dear to me who is going through a trial I told her about one instance when I was walking into work, laughing....inappropriately....

I was talking to the Lord with each step.

Finally, I said, "Lord, I just want ONE normal day. Just one."

We sing a song at Truth Harbor called, "For A Time Such As This."

When I have been knee deep in my own circumstances and the problems are continuing to rise I have, at times, felt like there could surely be no way out.

And then, time passes, and I realize so have the situations that I thought would consume me.

So, here are just a few things I have learned during some of the sinking moments of my life. Who knows, maybe someone else is in the midst of their own quagmire of life and is looking for a thread of hope to grasp.

Maybe I faced some trial in the past for just such a time.

First and foremost: Not crying over spilled milk doesn't mean it hasn't spilled.

I have had my heart broken over the past several months, over the past several years. My tendency is to shove the hurt in some little dark corner and pretend all is well.

But pretending all is well doesn't make it so.

Life is full of hurts and though I am NO advocate of wallowing in self pity I have learned that I have the right to grieve, I have the right to be sad. I don't owe anyone an apology or an explanation.

On the tail of that, let me say that when you hurt I can never really KNOW how that hurt makes you feel, therefore I can't say how you should react to it.

It's your pain, just as I have mine. None of us can measure another's pain by our past experiences.

I have also learned that in life we win, we lose, and we keep on living.

Even after loss it is OK to live again. It is OK to laugh, to enjoy life.

That in no way takes away from loss, it doesn't lessen it.

It just says that your heart is still beating in your chest, your blood is still moving through your body, and thoughts are still being conceived in your brain.

Laughter really is powerful medicine.

I have learned over the years that nothing is much more important than those who love you.

Those who REALLY love you....

LOVE YOU.....

For who you are, not who they want you to be.

There are those in my life who make over me....to my face....

I know who they are because love can be felt.

See, the trick is in the knowing. That gives you the power not to let it matter to you. These statements may sound bitter or cynical unless YOU really know ME. Because if you do, then you know I feel neither. There is a peace in knowing who loves you, a freedom.

And I love that!

I have learned that at then end of each and every day I lay down to rest in my own skin. The decisions I have made, good or bad, are mine. And I have a responsibility to make sure they reflect the One that loves me most of all so that I can rest easily when my eyes close at night.

Lastly, give yourself permission to be who you are. Allow Him to work through who you are to reach His purpose for your life.

Love without ceasing, until the very last breath you draw in. And if you get wrinkled up, let it be from smiling, from laughing in spite of everything life throws your way.

"Happiness is a journey, not a destination."

Good Night, my friends......

Dearest Blog....

2010-11-08T04:42:00.000-08:00

I have missed you.

We will visit soon! I have many things to tell you!!

Love,

Sheri

Get Your Own.....

2010-10-27T18:31:00.000-07:00

I have been feasting lately on some of the best messages! I LOVE good preaching!! There is nothing that compares. This is not entertainment; when I listen to a message by a man of God, I am prepared to be challenged and changed! That's what it's all about!!

I have 2 children (of my flesh and blood) and I have prayed for them over the courses of their entire lives. I have prayed many, many prayers. And I don't foresee that ever ending as long as I am drawing breath into this body.

I have prayed about their hearts, about their minds. I have prayed for protection for them against the rulers of this world.

I have prayed about their futures, their callings....

I have prayed about my dreams for them, the dreams I see when I look at them.

I have asked God for many, many, many things during my many, many prayers.

And I know within my heart that He has His own dreams for them. So, I pray that I can see those dreams fulfilled.

Matthew 20:20 Then came to him the mother of Zebedee's children with her sons, worshiping him, and desiring a certain thing of him. And he said unto her, What wilt thou? She saith unto him, Grant that these my two sons may sit, the one on thy right hand, and the other on the left, in thy kingdom.

The mother of James and John sought the Lord for His favor on her sons. And He listened to her plea. After all, she had led them before the Lord in worship.

But, in this instance, it was not enough.

They weren't granted these places of honor because Mama asked. Jesus said, "You don't know what you are asking."

These "boys" were not allowed to ride in on the tail of Mama's coat. But, they did do many things for the Lord. They were loved of the Lord.

Because, at some point, they got from behind Mama and sought after His favor for themselves.

Let me tell you young people something: You can't sit back and expect doors to be open for you because your Mama prays.

You can't hang out on the pew, texting your buddies and expect to be used of God.

Daddy ain't gonna get you into the presence of God, he ain't going to get you an audience with the Almighty.

And just because you have a phenomenal Pastor, don't think you automatically slip to the front of the line.

If you want the favor of God in your life, you better get serious and get to it.

I was not raised under a pew. I didn't cut my teeth on the Gospel, didn't grow up with the songs of Zion ringing in my ears.

I was basically ignorant of the things of God when He found me. When I got on my face and wept bitter tears of repentance I wasn't doing it because it was all I knew.

I was doing it because I was desperate, and grabbing hold of Him with both my hands was all I KNEW to do!

I had not heard about gaining His favor for my life. I only knew I was broken and it was only at His feet that I was going to be repaired. I didn't accept Him as my "Personal Savior," I prayed He would clean me up and accept ME! (once again, I think that is the most arrogant of doctrines...to think that *I* could wake up one day and decide to *accept the Lord* and because of that Acceptance on MY part I am forever saved....SO--->What would be the point of the rest of the gospel? Why would Paul die DAILY if it was a one time thing....but, I digress)

There was a certain man in the Old Testament, one that I have gleaned much from over the years, a man named Jacob.

I am pretty sure you know the story from Genesis 32:24-29 how Jacob wrestled with a man all night. When Jacob would not relent his thigh was touched causing his walk to change. Yet, he would not let go.

Verse 26 says: And he said, Let me go, for the day breaketh, And he said, I will not let thee go, except thou bless me.

I won't give up until I have Your blessing. And even if it causes the way I walk in this world to be forever changed, I will not stop until I have prevailed.

It wasn't Mama on the ground, wrestling for favor for her son. It wasn't Daddy rolling around in the dirt.

There comes a day and time in your lives when it's time to stop riding on the coattails of others and get down in the dirt and wrestle until God gives you a blessing.

There comes a time when YOU have to make this real for yourself, when you realize that you can't rely on the walk of others to get you where you need to go.

One day you have to get down and dirty with God, when YOU get down on the mat, and you have to hold on until you get that favor, that UNMERITED favor, because even a wrestling match doesn't win that favor, *accepting* Him doesn't win that favor. THAT unmerited favor is **GRACE** and it is undeserved.

But when He sees YOU are serious. When He sees you leave your phone in the car at church and put everything you have into worship, when He sees you in pre-service prayer, when He sees you are SERIOUS....

He will change your Walk, your Talk, your Dreams and your Desires.

If you want the favor of God in your life there is only one way to get it.....

On Your OWN!!!!

Daddy

2010-10-23T12:12:00.000-07:00

You always gave the best advice. And you saw things that I could never see. I really want to talk to you today, say "Daddy, this has happened. What do you think? What should I do?" and then I would listen as you examined both sides. I always had plenty to think about after we talked. Then there were the problems you just handled. Because you were my Daddy and that was your job. I always knew what that meant, but today I realized it meant more than I knew.... I am allowed to grieve you, I am allowed to miss you. And I alone know what I'm missing because you alone were my Daddy. I love you and miss you all the time. I wish you were here so you could talk to me about when your own Daddy died so I would know if it gets easier. Because I know you had this same great love for him.

I'm Tired of Begging

2010-10-20T19:16:00.000-07:00

What is the need in your life? Is there something you have been praying for over and over, year after year?

Let me give you some hope today.

There was a man, lame from birth, who was carried daily and laid at the gate of the temple Beautiful.

Day after day.....

Year after year.....

This man had a need....he needed food to eat, clothes to wear, a place to stay.

Yet, he was lame with no way to earn the money for those things by his own labor.

Day after day he was brought to the temple....carried to the temple....to appeal to the kindness of those who had come to worship.

He didn't get holidays off....no vacation days....didn't matter what the weather was.

The Bible say in Acts 3:2 that they laid him DAILY at the gate.

Not almost every day....

Not once a week....

Not occasionally....

DAILY

He laid there each and every day....with a need....waiting....

And eventually someone would come by and give him a little money...and then maybe someone else would come by....then another....

And this was great.

But it did not solve the real need here....it was almost like a band aid that was simply covering the real problem.

Yet he still showed up every day and begged anyone who came close enough to hear his voice.

One day, he hit the jackpot....

Who knows how many times Peter and John may have passed this man before. Maybe he never called out to them before. Maybe they had slipped money in his cup on times past....

But this day when he looked at them expecting to receive money as he usually did from those who stopped he received so much more....

Verse 6 says: "Then Peter said, Silver and gold have I none; but such as I have give I thee: In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth rise up and walk."

Now, I am going to be honest, working in my chosen field I have encountered similar situations. I have had people come to me and say "If I only had _________ I could do ________."

And then, just like a miracle, I say "Hey, I can get that for you!"

But, what I have found is that there are people in this world that like living in that beggar mentality. They don't want a better situation in their lives....they like living with their hand out for someone else to fill.

This man in the Book of Acts did not suffer from this: "And he leaping up stood, and walked, and entered with them into the temple, walking, and leaping, and praising God." (verse 8)

He quickly got up out of that place of begging and went into the house of God with a testimony!!

I have spent so much time on my knees over certain things....too much time.

Now I have to ask myself....has my answer come....and I have rejected it....

Have I become so accustomed to living with my hand out, waiting for God to fill it that I have missed the REAL answer??

"Then Peter said, Silver and gold have I none, but SUCH AS I HAVE give I thee: In the Name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth rise up and walk." (verse 6)

Because the Lord didn't answer one of my prayers the way I wanted Him to, did I miss what He had for me??

And if I missed it....who else have I cheated?

"And all the people saw him walking and praising God: And they knew that it was he which sat for alms at the Beautiful gate of the temple: and they were filled with wonder and amazement at that which had happened unto him." (verses 9 & 10)

I declare to you today, I am TIRED of begging.

God has done many wonderful, marvelous things in my life...too many to ever count!

And even though there are things that I have been praying for over and over and over wanting the answer I want, I am now praying for something different.

"God, open my eyes! Let me see what You have already done in/with ____________. Let me know what YOU would give me, because even though it may not be what I asked for, if it is from You, then it is what I need. Let me get up out of this beggar mentality and walk and leap and praise YOU because You didn't leave me where You found me, crippled by the sin of the world!! Let me show others, every day, just how much serving You is really worth. Not silver and gold which will pass away....More, so much more! Oh, how I love You so!!"

Remember My Bonds

2010-10-12T19:29:00.000-07:00

There is an old song called "God on the Mountain." The very first line is "Life is easy when you're up on the mountain..."

That is so true, isn't it?

It is easy to give God the praise He deserves when everything is going your way.

But then you find yourself in the valley and the song changes, things aren't as simple anymore and it is MUCH harder to keep that positive attitude in times of trouble and heartache.

I bet all of us know someone that is always living in the valley, someone who you are afraid to ask, "So, how are you?" because you REALLY don't want to know.

Doom and gloom, trouble on every side, always in a crisis....

It is hard trying to see the positive side ALL of the time, I will admit it. There are times when I get my eyes off of Him and get them on my circumstances and when I do, I feel overwhelmed, even hopeless at times.

I have had to tell myself "NO, you are not doing this!"

I have had to rebuke negative thoughts and the one that brings the doubt and the fear into my life.

And I try to monitor what I say to people. I live for the Almighty, Omnipotent, All Powerful King of Glory, and that should be apparent by my actions, my speech, my life.

What am I telling the person that is looking for answers to the emptiness of their lives if all they hear from me are my problems? Do you think that will encourage them to seek Him for their own answers?

Please understand, I believe in prayer, I believe prayer changes things. NO, I don't just believe it, I know it without a shadow of doubt in my mind. He still moves stones, He still delivers, He still heals and He still hears. There is nothing too small and nothing too large for Him.

I do believe that when I am faced with problems I need to call on His Name and I need to seek other Saints to pray with me.

But I don't need to let my situations consume me. That "whoa is me" attitude has no place in my life. And I also don't believe that I need to use my problems to draw others attention to me, the kind of "Look at me, look what I am going through" mentality has no place in my life.

I have suffered, I have hurt, and I have longed for change in my life, but if at any time I have allowed my own problems to cause someone else to say "Man, I wish she would hush already," then I am truly sorry for that. I pray that is never the case, and if it is or has been, I pray that Jesus will change me, remove that attitude from my life.

Because, believe it or not, there are many things that go on in my life that only He knows about. And although you may never specifically know what they are, you know that I am a living, breathing person, therefore I have problems.

So, here is what you do: Know that life is not always easy for me, just as I know that about you, and PRAY for me. Remember me when you seek His face, call out my name before the throne. Remember my bonds.

I was struck by the words of Paul today in Colossians 4:18 The salutation by the hand of me Paul. Remember my bonds. Grace be with you. Amen.

This is the very LAST verse in the Book of Colossians.

There are 94 other verses in that book alone. And in those verses Paul talks about thanksgiving, grace, joy and love.

But in only one verse, that very last verse does he mention it, the fact that he has a need.

A desperate need.

On four or more years during his ministry Paul was in prison, literally.

And while he was he wrote Colossians, Philemon, Ephesians, and Philippians.

While he was in bonds, he continued to work, he continued to exalt the church, continued to correct, to lead, to teach and to love.

It was during an imprisonment he wrote: "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Philippians 4:13

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

While in bondage he continued steadfast in the work of the Lord. And instead of Epistles that paint a picture of how unfair and unjust life had been to Paul, we are painted a beautiful masterpiece of faith in the face of impossible circumstances.

That is the testimony I want to leave behind.

Not how bad my problems were, but how good my God was to me.

Are my problems gone? No.

Remember my bonds when you pray, as I will yours.

BUT....my bonds are NOT what I want you to remember about me....not what I want to fill up the pages of my life story.

Yes, they are there, but I want my life to tell the story of what I did in spite of the circumstances I may have found myself in. I don't want the problems of my life to be the plot...I want them to be a side note.

Let that be the closing line, not the opening one....

Oh, by the way....remember my bonds.

Amen.

Hello

2010-10-05T21:26:00.001-07:00

I think it's so exciting to see all the different places that hit my blog.

I am honored to think you take the time to check up on me. Of course, you may be stopping by because you think I'm a nut case or something of that manner....

EEHHH, I probably am....

But I would love to hear from you. You don't have to leave your name, but if you feel lead, leave a comment...let me know why you stopped, why you come back, and what you would like to see here.

If a particular blog touched you, I would love to know about it.

This has been such a nice expression of all I am inside. I would continue to do it if no one ever read them but me.

You have no idea the number of times I have gone back, re-read, laughed, cried, rejoiced, and sorrowed all over again.

So much time has passed since I started, so many changes, so many left to take place...

One thing remains constant.....

This IS the day!!!

Not One More Day in the House of Saul

2010-10-04T17:45:00.000-07:00

I am blessed with a phenomenal Pastor, Rev. Ben Weeks. It is always amazing to me to have a man who is so in tune with God.

Sunday afternoon service here in Douglas he preached from 2 Samuel 3:1, 6 & 12:

1-Now there was long war between the house of Saul and the house of David: but David waxed stronger and stronger, and the house of Saul waxed weaker and weaker.

6-And it came to pass, while there was war between the house of Saul and the house of David, that Abner made himself strong for the house of Saul.

12-And Abner sent messengers to David on his behalf saying, Whose is the land? saying also, Make thy league with me, and, behold, my hand shall be with thee, to bring about all Israel unto thee.

One thing we need to understand as Christians is that there will always be a struggle between the House of Saul (Flesh) and the House of David (Spirit).

Galatians 5:17 For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.

The Spirit will never be on the same side as the flesh. The spiritual conflict within the Christian involves his total being as he struggles to determine whether he will wholly surrender to the inclinations of the flesh or the sinful nature and return to the dominion of sin, or whether he will yield to the demands of the Spirit and continue under the dominion of the Lord.

The House of Saul was getting weaker and weaker, but the House of David was getting stronger and stronger.

When Abner was aligned with the House of Saul he gave it everything he had within him. He fought as hard as he knew to fight.

In Chapter 2, we read of the servants of David and the servants of Saul meeting by the pool of Gibeon. Abner suggested to Joab that the young men arise and play before them. Twelve young men from each side met and all were slain.

Never be mistaken, if you live too long in the House of Saul, the games you play will lead to your defeat.

Abner left the scene running with Asahel, the brother of Joab running behind him. Asahel was "as light of foot as a wild roe" and quickly overtook Abner. Abner warned him to turn aside saying "wherefore should I smite thee to the ground? how then should I hold up my face to Joab thy brother?

But Asahel would not stop. It was then that Abner took the "hinder end of the spear" and with more force than he probably intended, he smote Asahel under the fifth rib and he fell dead, his death on Abner's hands.

The two sides then met in battle. In the end the House of David lost 19 men, the House of Saul; 360.

When you stay too long in the House of Saul, you will get involved deeper than you ever intended.

Abner was accused of taking Saul's concubine named Rizpah during the midst of the war between the House of Saul and the House of David. This was the turning point for Abner.

2 Samuel 3:8 ...Am I a dog's head, which against Judah do show kindness this day unto the house of Saul thy father, to his brethern, and to his friends, and have not delivered thee into the hand of David, that thou chargest me today with a fault concerning this woman?

Do not be fooled. You may align yourself to the House of Saul, you may give it your all and all, but the flesh will always turn against you.

When you stay to long in the House of Saul, the accusations will be more than you can live with.

Abner approached David through messengers saying; "Whose is the land? saying also, Make thy league with me, and, behold my hand shall be with thee, to bring about all Israel unto thee."

Let me join with you, Abner said.

David replied.

2 Samuel 3:13 And he said, Well; I will make a league with thee: but one thing I require of thee, that is, Thou shalt not see my face, except thou first bring Michal Saul's daughter, when thou comest to see my face.

To align yourself with the King, you have to bring him what he wants.

I have known men, good men, and women, good women who spent too much time in the house of Saul, too much time seeking after fleshly pursuits.

Oh, it may start out innocent, small, but it never stays that way. And one day becomes two and two become three. Suddenly you realize this innocent game that you started out with has become deadly.

And you are NEVER the only one affected. That "little thing" becomes something more, and that something more becomes something more, and before you know exactly when it happened you have become involved in something more than you ever imagined.

And you are doing things that you would have NEVER done ordinarily and caused untold damage to those around you: your parents, your friends, your spouse, your children.

Then the time comes when you come face to face with how far you are from where you started. It would be easy for someone to believe the worst in you as you stand face to face with the voice of your accusers, and harder to deflect the accusations in light of all you have become.

But you can gain an audience with the King. And the voices of the past can be silenced simply by bringing the King what He wants.

You have lived your life of sin with everything you have. Doesn't He deserve the same?

He is waiting for you to bring Him His bride...

That bride that has been washed by the blood, now without one spot or wrinkle.

It's not too late for you to switch sides in the battle. It's not too late to come to the winning side.

I have made up my mind that I won't spend one more day in the House of Saul, because as I tarry there my strength leaves me, I get weaker and weaker and weaker.

I want to dwell in the House of David for the rest of my days. It's a simple choice that is worth whatever cost.

**Thank You, Jesus for my Watchman on the Wall. Thank You for instruction and the Word of Truth. You ARE my King."

Once Upon A Time

2010-09-14T19:58:00.000-07:00

I held the future in my hands. I kissed the sweet lips of a promise and marveled at the power of love.

From that first moment I knew my heart would never be the same.

I am so thankful for miracles. Thankful for a God who answers prayer.

Thankful that He hasn't stopped.

And amazed, even now after 20 years at the love He has for me.

You heard the prayers of a young mother who wanted just one more baby when the doctor said it wouldn't happen.

You used that little life to renew my passion for you through a healing.

You have kept him all these years, even from what should have taken his life.

And now I have the pleasure of watching him seek after You.

Once upon a time You fulfilled one promise by giving me a lifetime of love.

Thank You for giving me 20 years with my baby boy. I will never be a ble to praise You enough.

I remain Your servant, always!

Line Upon Line

2010-09-11T10:30:00.000-07:00

I recently had a very intense conversation with someone.

Intense and eye-opening.

I would like to be able to state to you today that I have legendary Bible knowledge, that I was one of those that could quote and quote and quote with perfection.

I have tried to memorize scripture. And I have succeeded in small ways. But, I just haven't ever been grand at it.

Don't get me wrong, I have studied the Word. I will never cease to strive to expand my knowledge of it. It is a live, vibrant thing that never fails to touch some part of me that I never even knew was longing to be touched.

The Word of God is my comfort, my friend.

Yet, during this intense discussion I recently unwillingly became a part of I longed more than ever before to have that infinite knowledge of every passage.

I have noticed a growing trend among the Christians of today. More and more I find that people are turning to a "Cafeteria Style" Christianity.

You go through through the Bible "picking and choosing" what you want to believe and passing by what you don't want to believe.

I have always **thought** this, but during my intense conversation, this way of thinking was confirmed as the person I was talking to said, "That's why it says in the Bible that there are good and bad things in it and you just pick what you think is good and leave the bad."

So, at this point in the conversation is where I wanted to be able to say: "I have memorized every single scripture of the Bible and can quote them each verbatim-HENCE I am able to tell you that is simply NOT located anywhere in the Word of God."

My real response was much more lame. After I managed to close my mouth that had dropped to my stomach when those words were tossed at me I ever so eloquently stated, "The Bible does not say that!"

"Yes it does!"

"It most certainly does not! Where is that at in the Bible?"

"Well, I don't know right off hand, but I could try to find it."

Good luck with that one.

I have found nothing in the Word of God that states anything remotely resembling that statement. And if you are standing in the Cafeteria Religion line thinking you are getting fed, let me give you some real food for thought:

Matthew 5:18-19 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot of one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled. Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.

Isaiah 28:9-13 Whom shall he teach knowledge?and whom shall he make to understand doctrine? them that are weaned from the milk and drawn from the breasts. For precept must be upon precept; line upon line, line upon line, here a little, and there a little: For with stammering lips and another tongue will he speak to this people. To whom he said, This is the refreshing: yet they would not hear. But the word of the Lord was unto them precept upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little; that they might go, and fall backward, and be broken, and snared, and taken.

Malachi 3:6 For I am the Lord, I change not...

John 1:1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and Word was God.

John 1:14 And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us...

Luke 4:4 And Jesus answered him, saying, It is written, That man shall not live by bread alone, but by EVERY word of God.

Romans 10:17 So then faith cometh by hearing and hearing by the word of God.

2 Timothy 2:15 Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.

1 John 5:7-8 for there are three that bear record in heaven, the Father, the Word, and the Holy Ghost: and these tree are one. And there are three that bear witness in earth, the spirit,and the water and the blood: and these three agree in one.

Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is quick and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

2 Timothy 4:2-5 Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and doctrine. For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teacher, having itching ears; And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables. But watch thou in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, make full proof of thy ministry.

Revelation 19:13-16 And he was clothed with a vesture dipped in blood: and his name is called The Word of God. And the armies which were in heaven followed him upon white horses, clothed in fine linen, white and clean. And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almightly God. And he that on his vesture and on his thigh a name written, KING OF KINGS, AND LORD OF LORDS.

If His Word is true, which I am certain it is, then HE is the WORD.

That being said, if what was told to me was true then His Word was saying there was BAD in Him.

I may not have the whole thing memorized but I know there is nothing but Goodness in my God. And that would also mean that we were able to pick and choose what about Him we wanted to accept.

See, here is one way I do not agree with some. I have heard so many say that "So-In-So Accepted Christ as their personal Savior."

How arrogant is that statement?

To think that He is waiting with baited breath to see if I will ACCEPT HIM---The King of Glory?!?!

I think not!

The question is: Does He accept ME?

When I am standing before God, I will know who HE is, without a doubt, for the Word says "Every knee shall bow," and that includes mine.

But will He know me?

Have I lived up to His Word? Have I lived it Line upon Line, Precept upon Precept?

Because on that day, that line will become all too important.

So, are you living your life by the Cafeteria Plan?

Or are you living your life by His Plan?

The Music of a Life

2010-09-06T13:37:00.000-07:00

Memories tread lightly, shifting through darkness, peaking around corners....

So many years....so many times....

And the memories come out of nowhere, tied to a moment...

Like sitting beside them both in the front seat of the car.....

Sitting up front, just my Mama and me....

Listening to their old records and pretending I was there, too....

And riding on the coat-tails of my older siblings teen-aged years....

As they found their paths and left me to find mine.....

Nights out with Mom and Dad....impressing my friends at 40 year olds that still listened.....

Times I struggled to find out who I was....

Times when I thought I had it all figured out....

And then when love came....

And I thought I was "All Grown Up" but life showed me different....

So I turned to Him....

While rocking my babies....

And although I stumbled and fell....He was waiting to pick me up...

How could I not give Him all of my praise....with all He has given me....

He has been my strength in times of trouble, my comfort in times of need....

He has given me the courage to say "Farewell for now" to my wonderful parents....

And a life filled with love and memories...the best life...one lived for Him....

No Turning back.....

Because I know the best is yet to come....

And someday....when my time comes....I want to be ready.....

But every now and then a memory will come gliding in on the wings of a song....

And I am transported to another place and time.....

And I remember....

Suddenly it becomes more than a song....it becomes a piece of my life....

Replayed once again.

Separated at Birth

2010-09-03T21:16:00.000-07:00

Although it is rare, there are many recorded instances of Identical Twins that were separated at birth, some even for the sake of research.

What has been found in each study is that both have many of the same mannerism and characteristics.

Such is the case of the 2 Jim's:

Jim Lewis and Jim Springer first met February 9, 1979, after 39 years of being separated. Both were very nervous at first, but now consider the reunion "the most important day of my life." Amid the euphoria over their rediscovery of each other, they came across astonishing similarities in their lives and behavior. Both had been adopted by separate families in Ohio, and had grown up within 45 miles of each other. Both had been named James by their adoptive parents, both had married twice; first to women named Linda and second to women named Betty. Both had children, including sons named James Allan. Both had at one time owned dogs named Toy.

Researchers of these separated twins seek to discover if it is "Nature" or "Nurture" that causes a person to become who they are. But ultimately, research has discovered that it is "Nature via Nurture" that shapes the person. It is our own inherent characteristics that develop out of our environment.

But it is the nature of who we are that dictates how we will react to our environment.

These twins may have had similar traits but their lives were different based on the environments they were raised in, their belief systems were different related to the fact that they were raised in different homes with different values.

When we experience the New Birth we bury the old man of sin and are "Born Again" as the Word of God teaches. That experience should mirror the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus as we "REPENT" which is the turning away from the old ways (the death of the old man), and then are Baptized in the Name of Jesus, which represents the burial and filled with the gift of the Holy Ghost (representing the resurrection). (See Acts 2:38)

It is through that New Birth that we become separated from the world, that we "Come out from among" those that live in the world and begin a new life. And although we are still made from the same flesh and blood as everyone else, we are not the same.

As a child of the King of Kings I don't walk the same, I don't talk the same, I don't desire the same things.

And it is the nature of that separation from the things of the world and the nurture His Spirit that changes the fiber of who we are, causing us to act different, to make different choices.

It is the change in the very environment of our lives that begins to shape us and there is a marked difference in even the things that make us happy.

And while the world at large searches for the similarities between us and them, it should be our differences that are most noticeable.

People should be able to tell a Christian from the world.

The genetics that we received from our "Father" should allow those around us to know Him through us, see His eyes when looking in ours, hear His voice when we speak, and feel His touch from our hand.

Jesus signed our **New** Birth Certificate in His own blood. And it is that very blood that flows from Calvary in a crimson stream through the veins of all that are His.

What about you? Do you feel like there is something missing from your life? Maybe a part of yourself you have yet to discover?

Let me introduce you to your Father.........He has been waiting to get to know you.

Who Can Find Her?

2010-08-18T18:36:00.000-07:00

Driving along today, my daughter and I began a conversation.

The conversation basically went something like this:

Denise: "I don't understand that. Who would not want more (than they have) for their children? Who not want them to reach their potential?"

Mom: "Some people don't have real lives, Hun. They simply exist."

Denise: "But, I don't understand that. I want my life to mean something. I want to take care of my family, to raise my children to love the Lord, to see them live for Him. I want to make a difference in someones life, help lead someone to the Lord! And, when I die, I want people to remember my life as one that mattered."

Mom: "You want to be a virtuous woman."

Denise: "......Yea, I guess I do."

Proverbs 31:10-31 can give even the most devout woman the shivers. What a tall order to live up to!

It starts off the very detailed description in verse 10 with "Who can find a virtuous woman."

That is a good question.

I can honestly say that I fall short when the measuring stick is this account. She had it going on! Running her own business, caring for her family, making their clothing, cooking, cleaning, etc. And she did it all well!

I mean I manage to do some of it, but some of it may be far from perfect or prosperous!

Sometimes I feel like I am just getting by!

She did more than that, she excelled, surpassed them all.

And if using this as a pattern, how many today would measure up? I fear, not many.

I have lived my entire life in the South. I am a Southern girl and I wouldn't trade it for anything. But, being such, I can only give an account for the South.

And, frankly, my account would not be too good.

I had another conversation with someone recently who was concerned about a young lady she knew. It seems she was being allowed to date at a very young age with a guy who was much older. They were being allowed to spend time alone together and being given opportunities that this person felt could only lead to disaster.

As we were talking about the situation the person said that one would think that the mother of this young girl would want to protect her daughter from something that happened to her at a young age, becoming a mother. And they said that they would think that would have been enough for the mother to want something better for her child, know what she went through and how she struggled.

And I told the that I honestly believe it is that kind of attitude that the Word is speaking about when it says that in the last days mothers will be without natural affection for their children. Because a mother's natural instinct would be to see her children prosper.

But, so many times today we see just the opposite. We see mothers that allow the TV to babysit their children, anything to get them out of their hair. We see women that take on a role in their marriage that God never intended, and that role reversal leads to other difficulties.

And although I know too well that there are too many men in the world today who also fail to live up to God's standard for a husband and father, that will have to be another blog for another time.

It is no secret that I feel a woman has a certain place in the family structure and that a woman should know that place. I do not subscribe to the idea of Women's Liberation. Never have.

And that's all I'm going to say about that.

What I am asking today is when you examine all that you are, are you all you can be?

If tomorrow someone had to write your eulogy, what would it say?

I am looking in my own mirror today.

To borrow from a line of a song that my Daughter mentioned today: "The greatest tragedy is not your death but a life without purpose, that your life had no reason."

What if I had no time left? What have I accomplished? Does my Husband feel blessed that I have been his wife? Have I watched over my family, supplied their needs? Have I instructed them and made sure they would go out in the world as productive citizens and not to be a drain on society? Have I taught my Daughter how to be a wife, a mother? Have I taught my Son how to stand up and be the man God expects him to be?

What legacy will I leave behind? Will my family rise up and call me Blessed?

If someone came to my door right now looking for a virtuous woman, would they find one here?

Against All Odds

2010-08-14T09:33:00.000-07:00

We live in a vastly changing world. Every day there are new developments and new reasons to "improve" your life.

When my generation was coming up things were nothing like they are now. You only have to look at the structure of today's family to see the changes.

It seems like everything is against the families of today.

Everything that the world has to offer, at least.

There are so many things out there today that spell **doom** for couples. More reasons to leave than reasons to stay as our society of **do whatever makes you feel good** has taken hold of every aspect of our culture.

Nothing is wrong anymore. Nothing seems taboo.

There is no order.

And where you take away order, chaos reigns.

I have seen it happening everywhere and it is not bound by race, creed, or education.

It is as if the tablecloth has been ripped off the table of our lives, removing that barrier that separates us from the spills of the veritable feast for our senses that is spread out before us.

It is as if that moral barrier is removed.

And when that barrier is gone, it's "Katie, bar the door!" We are FREE to do whatever we choose, with no thought to the consequences of our actions.

Because I assure you, there are consequences.

We have men that are unwilling to be the men that they need to be for there families. And this is not a popular belief in our **Every one's Gone Wild** society, but I believe God's Word, and I believe there is a place a man should be in.

Just as I believe there is a place for women in the marriage relationship. And if either the man or the woman removes themselves from that place, I believe you end up with....

Chaos.

I am quite certain there are people who long ago gave up on reading my humble musing, and have moved on to something that is easier to swallow.

After all, this is America, and we are entitled to voice our opinions, and we are also entitled to reject the opinion of someone else.

It is not important to me.

I have never lived my life longing for public accolades and adoration.

I have striven to live my life to please Him, period.

So, here we are, in the 21st century. Living our lives traveling the information highway. As adults we have everything we think we could ever want available with just a few keystrokes on our computer keyboard.

We can experience anything our heart desires.

And through this vast technology we have the ability to remove every moral barrier that stands between us and the world.

You know my very favorite saying: "Sin will take you farther than you ever wanted to go."

And it is never truer than when you are standing face to face with the stranger you married, suffering the pain of betrayal that comes at the groping hands of today's media, the seduction of this immoral society.

My husband said to me today "I still want to grow old with you. I want to be able to celebrate our 50th anniversary."

I long for that, too.

But, the the odds are against most marriages today surviving to make it 50 years.

And so many people suffer after the very fiber that binds two hearts together is weakened by the decay of our morals.

Through the changes the years have brought to the structure of families it is harder and harder to survive to **Happily Ever After.**

What can I do to protect what God joined together?

Get into the Word. Study, make it part of me.

Pray, get on my knees, cry out to Him and allow Him to work in me, through me and with me.

Protect myself. Do not allow myself to be in a situation where anyone can question me. I need to carry myself at all times in such a way that it is apparent to all that I am a married woman. I would not want someone to have cause to even think anything about me or to dishonor my marriage.

People are always happy to think the worst. And it is the worst that will spread like wildfire. I need to always be mindful of how I carry myself and how my actions can be perceived.

Be real. Be who I say that I am. And examine myself. Allow God to show me areas I need to change. And change.

Because, when it comes right down to it, I want to beat the odds. I want to hold on.

And I know that sometimes that fiber that binds becomes so torn that there is no way to mend it again. For those that have suffered through that, I pray that God will heal their hearts and draw them closer to Him.

Above all else He should be the Love of your life. And when you fall totally in love with Him, when He becomes the center of your joy, He will remove the chaos from your life.

There is power in the blood still to this day. And through that blood all things are possible. And the possibilities are endless.

Even when you think there is no hope, that your heart will never mend, that you will never survive....

Even when all the odds are against you....be of good cheer.

He overcame the odds....

And He is still in the overcoming business.

Forever Changed

2010-08-06T14:39:00.000-07:00

I have been having a hard time of late. And, maybe, somewhere, there is some hardened soul that would say, "Enough already! Get over it."

It's a good thing I don't dwell on what others may think about me.

I have lived my life as the goofy, clumsy, ditsy, yet very loved youngest child of the Jim Merritt Family.

There may have been days in my life that I doubted I could succeed, that I doubted my worth, that I doubted my intelligence.

But I have NEVER doubted I was loved.

My sister and I were talking recently and she said, "What do you do when the two people who will always love you unconditionally are GONE?"

I don't have the answer. Yet I am struggling to find it.

Every day, I struggle.

And if my struggle is too much for you to bear, kindly move on to the next blog.

I was on my way home from work today, missing them. Not unusual, but today I feel overwhelmed.

I had my iPod out and I put on the song that Sister Weeks sang at my Mother's funeral, "If You Could See Me Now."

I can't tell you the number of times I have heard that I should not be sad for them because they are so much better off.

And I do know this with every fiber of my being. I would never want them to come back to the suffering that they endured.

I am not sad for what they have gained; I am sad for what I have lost.

Inside of me still is that little girl who waited every afternoon for my Daddy to come home from work, and who fell asleep each night beside my Mama until Daddy came and took me to my bed. Still there is the little girl that sat between them in the front of the car when my giggling couldn't be stopped any other way and the one who never liked to stay the night away from them.

I would hardly every make plans for Friday night as a teenager because I knew they were going out to eat and if I was home, I would get to go too. Those meals were some of the best times of my life, and not many teenagers can say that.

Over the years they became more than my parents, they became my friends. They were the first ones I wanted to call when something happened, good or bad, and they were my confidants, my advisers, my cheerleaders and my reality checks.

And as I listened to the words of that song today, I tried to picture them as they must be now, happy, whole and free, worshiping at the feet of Jesus.

I thought, what if I could see them now?

I remembered Moses when he came down from Mount Sinai after being the the presence of the Almighty God.

Exodus 34:29-30 And it came to pass, when Moses came down from mount Sinai with the tow tables, of testimony in Moses' hand, when he came down from the mount, that Moses wist not that the skin of his face shone while he talked with him. And when Aaron and all the children of Israel saw Moses, behold the skin of his face shone; and they were afraid to come nigh him.

Moses asked the Lord in Exodus 33:18 I beseech thee, show me thy glory.

And the Lord replied "there shall no man see me, and live."

In my mind's eye I can see them now as they must be, with their faces alight with the glow of His presence.

I can feel the joy they must feel knowing they are changed forever. One moment they were here, broken and in pain, and the next moment they opened their eyes to His Glory. I can't even begin to know how that must feel for them, after suffering for so long.

And unlike me, there is no tears for them for He has dried them all.

Unlike those frequent trips to the hospital to be "fixed up" for a short time, they are forever changed, forever whole.

And I will continue to encourage myself with these thoughts for as long as I need to, even until I can see them again.

On that day when I, too, am forever changed.

Even so, come Lord Jesus......

Right Under Your Nose

2010-07-28T16:59:00.000-07:00

Last July I set off with my parents to take some of their stuff to Louisiana. We had the biggest U-Haul trailer we could get and loaded it down.

My Dad was losing his eye sight before his death. But, he never quit wanting to take care of his family.

So, when it was decided I would go with them he told me that he would "help me drive." He was worried about me because he knew that I had never pulled a trailer before.

We loaded up early one Saturday morning and my Dad was going to drive "until he got too tired."

Before we were halfway to the next town, which is about 20 miles away, I was in a panic.

Dad was driving about 35 mph. He was weaving in the other lane.

And I was desperately texting everyone I knew would pray.

It wasn't long before Dad said, "You know, I think I'm going to let you drive when we get to Willacoochee."

I carelessly said, "Ok." I didn't want him to know how alarmed I was, and how relieved I was.

But I was certainly shouting in my head.

I had brought along some snacks for me in case I got sleepy, some Combos and some kind of chewy candy. I had a book on my iPod and I stuck one headphone in my ear.

After a quick stop for a biscuit we headed west.

Mom and Dad both dozed off and on. Dad would wake up occasionally and we would chit-chat and eat Combos. Mom was pretty quiet in the back seat with the dogs.

We cruised on.

I faced my first obstacle when getting gas. And I passed with no problem.

We cruised on.

About 4pm I looked at my parents. They were both quiet.

And then I looked at the clock again.

4 O'CLOCK!!!!!!!

I glanced at Dad again and then looked in the mirror at Mom.

"Um, you guys want to stop and get something to eat?"

I got a resounding, in unison, YES!

And I was completely horrified!!!

How, on earth, had I managed to forget to feed my parents?? I mean, I know they had been sleeping most of the time, and I know we had a few little snacks (Mom always brought something to snack on and Dad and I had pretty much killed the Combos), but, my parents needed FOOD! They were starving, right under my nose!!

I navigated the next exit, pulled into McDonald's and ran inside to fill their order.

I felt so bad. It was just such a peaceful ride. I was having a nice time, enjoying them, feeling helpful and needed, yet I had neglected such a basic need.

My parents needed to be fed.

And I had looked at them, talked with them, laughed with them, and never noticed their hunger.

I was thinking about them, thinking about this trip and how much I would give to have one more opportunity. I would pay more attention, make sure I was more watchful. If I had the chance to take that trip again, they would have never felt the slightest hunger pang.

And in thinking about them, I thought about those around me every day of my life.

What am I missing?

Is there a hunger in someone that I have failed to see?

Am I cruising along life's highway with someone who is starving for something that I could provide for them?

Lord, open my eyes to see those around me who are in need, who are hungry for something, for You, and are waiting, hoping silently that I will recognize that hunger and provide what they need so they will never hunger again. Let me see what is right under my nose.

And thank You, THANK You, for the precious, sweet memories You have given me, for the love that I feel, even now when they are gone from me. You really are my closest Friend.

8 Seconds

2010-07-15T18:37:00.000-07:00

I am not a sports fan.

At all.

But I would watch Rodeo if I had to.

I don't know why it has always fascinated me except that I have always secretly wanted a horse since I was a little girl.

When we were bored as children and said to our Mom, "I'm BORED!" she would always respond, "Read the encyclopedias."

So we did.

I learned exactly how to ride a horse by reading the encyclopedia on the subject over and over.

When the time came for me to actually ride a horse, I was able to mount right up. The guy who owned the horse couldn't believe it.

But, man, I had been studying the subject for years.

I was especially enthralled with Bull Riding.

How nuts do you have to be to willingly climb on the back of an enormous, angry animal with huge horns whose name is something like "Switchblade" just to see if you can hang on by one hand for 8 seconds.

Just sitting here typing this 8 seconds doesn't seem like very long at all. But if I were on the back of "Switchblade" while he bucked and thrashed and jumped and twisted I'm pretty sure 2 seconds would seem like FOREVER!

Yea, and I am pretty sure you can tell where I am going with this one...

Isn't it obvious?

I know I am not the only one who has had times in my life where I felt like I was holding on by one hand to my hope, my dreams, my sanity, while what seemed like an enormous problem was doing its best to "throw me off."

And it seems like when you are in the middle of a trial there may be times when it seems it will never end, even though in reality, when in comparison with the rest of your life, that trial that is consuming you at the moment doesn't really have that much meaning, doesn't take up that much of your time.

Yet, there you are, holding on for dear life.

And sometimes, you get thrown off into the dirt of life, and that problem threatens to stomp you into powder.

That happens to the best of us.

When it happens to you, the key is to GET UP! Don't just lay there! You are guaranteeing that whatever is trying to beat you will succeed.

What happens when you are too wounded to get up on your own?

You surround yourself always with people who will cover you in times like that, cover you in prayer, fight the bull of a problem for you, until you are in safety once again.

I want to encourage you today to HOLD ON! It may seem like this ride is going to last forever, but if you can ENDURE to the end, you will get something much better than a championship buckle.

You will get a crown of gold....

To lay at His feet.

HOLD ON!! What seems like forever may only last 8 seconds....

Running Away

2010-07-07T19:49:00.000-07:00

My hunny & I will be taking a much needed break from reality at the end of this week. I am ever so excited about having some time away from life and all of its ups and downs.

Here of late I have thought more than once about just driving off and disappearing for a few days. I think I am in need of some "alone" time.

There are so many things in my mind that I need to just be able to think my way through. And I am desiring some time with my Friend, to get re-acquainted with Him after my recent heartaches have left my vessel a little cracked.

Bro. Jonathan Alvear preached an awesome message when we were there just before Mom died. When I think of that broken vessel that the Bible talks about, I have always picture it as busted into pieces.

But he said sometimes our vessels are just cracked. We go to church, we get refilled, and because that crack is there in our vessels all that we are filled with leaks out of that crack until we are empty again.

So, if that's me, Lord, I'm in need of some time on the Potter's Wheel.

And I am hoping that I get that staring out at the beautiful scenery this weekend.

I may be running away from my reality, but I am running into His arms....and that's the only place I long to be!!

To Every Thing There Is.....

2010-07-03T08:51:00.000-07:00

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 To Every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down , and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

To EVERY thing there is a season.

To EVERY thing there is a purpose.

Time......

Such a precious commodity.....

So taken for granted.

In all of our life there is a pattern....

He gives....

He takes away.....

We have.....

We lose.....

And during that time when we lose....we weep....we mourn....

And we wake up to a new day and begin the cycle all over again.

To EVERY thing there IS a season, and a time to EVERY purpose under the heaven.

EVERY PURPOSE.....

Because everything HAS a purpose. The good things, the bad things. The time of being born, the time of dying, the time of planting, and the time of harvest.

There is a time to kill things in our lives....and there is a time when we need to heal and be allowed to heal.

There is a time when we have to break down walls and strongholds and there is a time when we need to build things up inside up, build up ourselves.

There is a time when we weep pain filled cleansing tears....and there is a time when the memories that once caused us pain can be remembered fondly, can be laughed over.

There is a time when we will mourn...and there is also a time when we shed our proverbial mourning clothes and dance in His presence again.

There is a time to hold on....

There is a time to let go.

To EVERY thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.

What we need to decide in ourselves is that every season has a purpose...for us.

Ecclesiastes 3:14-15 I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever; nothing can be put to it, nor anything taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him. That which hath been is now; and that which is to be hath already been; and God requireth that which is past.

In other words, He has it all under control.

Every season, Every purpose, He knows.

Every tear, Every laugh, He knows.

Ecclesiastes 3:10-12 I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it. He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end. I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life.

There are seasons when we feel lost, when we are just plodding through. My Pastor told me during an especially difficult time once that "There are seasons when you just survive."

But even through those times when we don't know how we can continue on, He knows.

In the deepest of despair He has a plan; a plan to make everything beautiful....in HIS time.

And He knows how it is all going to turn out for us....He knows the end of our story, even if we don't.

Knowing that He had everything under control should be cause enough for us to rejoice....

In EVERY thing.....

In EVERY purpose......

IN EVERY SEASON......

Within us should always be that joy....in good times and in bad times....

Because He knows.

Phillipians 4:4 Rejoice in the Lord always: and gain I say, Rejoice.

Paul spoke of trials, of thorns, and of joy...

Phillipians 4:11-13 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

How did he learn that contentment???

Phillipians 4:8 Finally, brethern, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, THINK ON THESE THINGS.

There it is....

Think on those good things....

The proverbial **Positive Attitude**?

Maybe....

Is that such a bad thing?

When we have our minds on the unholy things of this world, we lose that joy, that nearness, that peace of God, and our hearts are unguarded.

What we need to remember is that even in our present circumstances God has given us everything we need to be victorious, to live above our circumstances, to be triumphant.

Through Him we have to power to do all that He has for us to do.

When was the last time YOU tapped into that power??

When was the last time YOU looked beyond your present circumstances and looked at EVERY thing??

Because when you take the time to look at every thing, you see His hand.

In EVERY season....

In EVERY purpose.....

He knows....

Praying for Boaz

2010-06-27T19:04:00.000-07:00

I have spent years praying for my children's future spouses. And I continue to pray for them.

I have prayed that they would find a godly spouses, who would be a compliment to their walk with God, who would encourage them to grow, pray with them, a spouse that they would love with a godly love as the Word of God outlines.

There have been close calls, but God is always faithful. I want for my children that love that lights their faces when they see their spouse walk into a room. I want a love that desire to serve each other, that is not SELF serving.

I want them to have it all, and I know that even though it seems like a distant future to them at times, I know that it will be worth the wait for the right one. I know that with all of my heart. There is not compromise, no settling, on something this important. A wrong decision in this area could have life-long repercussions.

You only have to look at the astronomical divorce rate to know this is true.

What do they need to find the one that He has for them? A willingness to listen and a desire to serve.

This was the spirit of Ruth.

Left a widow, she declined to return to her own people as did her sister-in-law, Orpah. Ruth "clave unto her" mother-in-law.

Ruth 1:16-17 And Ruth said, Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whiter thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the Lord do so to me, and more also, if aught but death part thee and me.

This is the spirit I want residing in my children. This is the spirit needed to have a successful marriage, even though she was talking to her mother-in-law, God honored that spirit, that commitment.

Last night I had a dream, a dream about Boaz. I dreamed he called to me to have my daughter lay at his feet. I know that is not exactly how the story of Ruth unfolds, but as I was dreaming I was thinking "This is important. This means something."

And it does, without a doubt. Boaz is out there right now. He is praying for his Ruth. And I am praying for both of them. I am praying that God will bless a union that has not even taken place, because I know MY God is faithful to His promises.

He is faithful to His daughter....and I AM His child.

Lord, You see my children. You see what lies ahead for them. Prepare them for whatever You have for them. Prepare them to take on the "roll of a lifetime," that of a wife and a husband, that of a mother and a father. Make them ready to be servants, to love as they would be loved, and to always be listening for Your voice. And help me, Lord, to teach them Your ways, to be the example they need. This is my desire, Lord.

Looking Back....Moving Forward

2010-06-24T18:47:00.000-07:00

I know you are not supposed to look back.

But, I want to look back.

There are things that are now behind me that I want to remember, always.

So I am going to continue to remember those things that are worth remembering.

I'm going to move forward from those things that are worth leaving behind.

I have a wonderful legacy of love that I will hold to forever.

But, each day is a reminder that I am still here. And with each reminder I know I have a purpose yet to fulfill.

And I am ready to be all that I was created to be.

I am looking back.....and moving ahead.

And I am ever thankful.

This is My Song

2010-06-17T14:36:00.000-07:00

Every moment

Every memory

Every season

Every year

All the good times

All the bad times

Times of strength

And times of fear

Through the tears

Through the sunshine

Through the pain

And the joy too

The notes are arranged

By the Great Composer

He is writing

My life's tune

This is MY song

Each day is a verse

To my own melody

My Savior is writing

My song just for me

And it is filled with high notes

There are low notes too

Some days the tempo changes

As He sets the mood

This is my life's story

That someday will be finished

The composition complete

Will it be worthy

Will someone sing about me

Have I made an impression

That will last for all time

Will it be remembered

When my song is done?

This is MY song

Each day is a verse

To my own melody

My Savior is writing

My song just for me

When Death Comes

2010-06-14T20:18:00.000-07:00

When death comes

It comes quickly

Even when it is expected

It steals in

And provides an ending

To some one's story

When death comes

Hearts cry

Tears run hot

Not for the life that is gone

But for the life that is left behind

When death comes

It catches you

Unaware

Even if you have waited

Holding your breath

For their last to be drawn

When death comes

Time begins again

Now divided in before

And after

Memories flash

And you reach out

To grab them

And draw them close

For the comfort they provide

When death comes

It leaves in the place

Of the life that has ended

An emptiness

That can only be filled

In eternity

When death comes

Sorrow catches you off guard

Washing over you in waves

As the voice whispers

"She's gone, she's gone"

And you wait

For that time

When death comes

For you.

Earning Your Wings.....

2010-06-10T15:14:00.000-07:00

Indulge me a bit here.

I have been, understandably, thinking about my Mother, pretty much non-stop.

My Dad was very charismatic. He was out-going, self assured and he went after life with a sure step and a go-get-em attitude.

My Mom was his back bone.

I can never remember her seeking out the lime light, although it could have surely been hers. She seemed perfectly content to prod us along and then bask in the glow of our successes.

Now, to some, this would seem unfair. After all, women have the right to go as far as they want, be whatever they want in today's society.

For the record, let me say....she was living within that right....she was doing what she chose to do, what she loved to do.

The past few years took a toll on her, drained her strength. In December of 2004 she became ill. She had a heart valve replacement in 2001, which was a very scary experience. But this time was different. No less scary....just different.

She told me that night in the ER, "It's ok. This time I am ready."

My Pastor preached such an awesome message Tuesday night; "Vision Before Victory."

He said at the outset of the message, "I don't know who I am talking to tonight, but God wants someone to know that you have to have the vision before you can get the victory. You have to be able to see beyond your present troubles."

His text was Joshua 6:1-2 Now Jericho was straitly shut up because of the children of Israel: none went out, and none came in. And the Lord said unto Joshua, See, I have given into thine hand Jericho, and the king thereof, and the mighty men of valour.

In verse one, when describing Jericho, it is said, NONE went out, and NONE came in.

Yet, in verse 2, the Lord says: "SEE, I have given it to you!"

Some of us are stuck in a "Barnyard Mentality," just scratching in the dirt when we have to promise of being born on the wings of the Spirit.

My Mama had developed a vision. She knew her time was short. And she was ready. She could see beyond her present troubles to what was waiting ahead.

So, instead of being stuck on the other side of the walls of circumstance, she was ready to soar.

Why should she remain here when she could rise above these earthly problems, when she could "mount up with wings as an eagle?"

When I was in Louisiana weekend before last we ended up admitting her into the hospital. She told my sister that morning that she knew.

She was already looking ahead, seeing beyond the barnyard of life "unto the hills" where her help was...to where her loved ones waited...where her sweetheart waited...where her Savior waited.

Where she will wait no more.

Thank You Lord, for a Pastor who is sensitive to You. You always know just what is needed. And I need Your strength today. Help me to see beyond this present time, let me have a vision of what is to come so that I can have the victory over this present grief. All I ever need is You....

My Mama

2010-06-09T15:19:00.000-07:00

I always thought it unfair, as a child, that I didn't look like my Mama. She was an incredible beauty. Olive skin, beautiful hair, perfect smile.

She had many that tried to win her heart, but only one succeeded...my Daddy.

Growing up, my Mama kept everything as it should be. She worked, she cleaned, she did laundry, and she cooked a meal every night. I was not neglected because she was working, I was blessed because of the balance she always provided.

When I finally married, I remember calling her, crying one night. I just couldn't understand why my house did not stay clean like hers always did. She simply said, "That's because when you go to sleep every night, I stay up and make sure everything is picked up."

When I brought both of my babies home I went straight to her.

And throughout the years there have been few events that I did not want to rush to share with her.

She has been my confidant, my cheerleader, my critic and my friend. And I have done my very best to emulate all she has been to me with my own children.

I just don't know what it will mean....being a motherless child. Even at 43, it was my Mama I wanted when I was sick recently. It was her advise I longed to hear, because I knew she would be straight with me.

And now, just like that, she is gone.

3 months after she lost the love of her life....

My heart is broken. How can I face this lost without my Mama to comfort me?

I don't know what I did to deserve my parents, to deserve the love that they had for me.

Jesus, I need Your comfort right now. I need You....oh, I need You....

Spitting Lemonade

2010-06-07T15:57:00.000-07:00

Today is one of "THOSE" days....ever have one?

It seems like you wake up on the wrong side of the wrong side of the bed.

There was no catastrophe, nothing major happened, except life.

And sometimes life is enough.

I learned something yesterday, something I already knew, but only had an idea of. And this new knowledge has cast a cloud over my usual **sunny** disposition...(cough cough)

No, really...I always try my very best to see the good in every situation, because I really DO believe that "...all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are THE called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)

So, I have managed to turn things around and see that there could be a GOOD outcome, as long as I keep God first. Think about it, in order to get to "good" in the dictionary you have to pass "GOD." He always comes before good!

Now, I know that old saying...ehem (using my perky, upbeat voice)

"When life hands you lemons....Make LEMONADE!"

Don't we all feel encouraged?!?!

NOT....

I am so sick of the devil. He tried to hand me stuff and tell me..."Oh, well....nothing you can do about this....just make the BEST of it...."

And I do truly believe God's Word, I know that ALL THINGS work together for good..."

But I don't believe I always have to suck on the lemons life hands me and be happy about it.

I'm MAD at the devil....

I'm MAD about what he is trying to get away with....

And as he slips that glass of lemonade in my hands and says, "Drink up!" I have every intention of spitting back in his face!

He is a liar and the father of ALL lies.

There is nothing that says THE called have to drink of the sourness of his lies!

I have an Advocate....There is someone on my side....Someone who fights for me....Someone who provides me the strength to fight for MYSELF....

I'm MAD at the devil....SPITTING mad....he best just stay out of my way.....

Truth or Consequences

2010-06-02T19:02:00.000-07:00

I am a victim of circumstances.

Come to think of it, we all are.

Once upon a time God had an idea.

That idea was man.

God created man and his companion, woman, and placed them in a beautiful garden filled with everything they needed to survive.

He gave them a "no no."

Genesis 2:16-17 And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat: But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shall not eat of it; for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.

The serpent approaches the woman, compelling her to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. It was his desire to have their eyes opened allowing them to know good and evil.

So she did eat, and so did her husband.

At that moment....at that particular time....the only ones they could see that were affected were themselves.

As the older people would say, "they could not see past there own noses."

What would have happened if she would have stopped and thought about the action before she took that bite?

Well, I might be skipping around the garden, walking with the Lord in the cool of the evening.

But, that was not the case.

Because of this action God banned them from the garden to keep them from eating of the tree of life. In other words, He did not want them to live forever in their sins.

As a consequence of this one action, man's life was forever changed; we are still feeling the effects of that one action.

Young children (and teenagers) tend to only see themselves in any situation. They want "instant gratification" and do not even think of the consequences of the actions.

But, it's not only young people.....

I am a victim of circumstances. My life has been colored by the choices of others-good and bad choices.

I have wept bitter tears as the results of choices made by another, choices made when they also had the knowledge of the consequence of the action~and still they chose that thing that would not only hurt them, but just like that domino at the end of the line, their fall touches those around them.

I know the truth of how my poor habits can affect those that I love. I have seen firsthand the cost of choosing yourself over your health. I have seen life end for this reason, and will probably do so again. And I have wept with the emptiness of lose.

So, I have a choice. Today I made it. I choose to do my best, to think about how my actions don't just affect me, but also those I love.

Today I made a choice that I hope affects the generations that follow me in a wonderful way!

I pray the consequence of this choice will change the course of my family forever.

Waiting

2010-05-26T22:50:00.000-07:00

I can still see you
Sitting there
The cold stone beneath you
Colder stone in front of you
Holding your cane
Staring ahead
What memories did you see?
What words did you speak
To your love
Now lost to you
If only for a time
As you remain
Waiting

It's Not All It's Cracked Up To Be

2010-05-20T19:04:00.000-07:00

I have been through many stages in my life. I have held many positions and enjoyed success and even tasted failure.

I have spent my time in ways that were not very beneficial or productive and I have had times where I felt like everything was going my way.

One lesson I have learned in life that always proves to be true: The grass really is never greener on the other side.

I have longed for things that, once I had them within my grasp, I quickly realized they were nothing to be desired.

cracked cracked up to be asserted to be (used to indicate that someone or something has been described too favorably). informal
•This expression stems from the use of crack as an adjective to mean ‘pre-eminent’, a sense which dates from the late 18th century.

Have you ever longed for something; material things, position, a relationship with someone, etc. only to find when you got them, when you got that glory you had longed for, it just wasn't everything it was cracked up to be?

Boy, I have.

I have realized, at times, that I am in a place that I don't particularly want to be in. And, I will be honest and admit, I sometimes whine about my circumstances, although I make a conscious effort to refrain from doing so.

But it happens at times.

There is a better attitude to have when I find everything is not as I thought it would be, a winning attitude.

Phillippians 4:11....for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.

So, lately I have found myself in this situation that I really would love to just throw myself on the floor and kick my feet and pound the ground with my fists....

Instead I have decided to see only the good of the situation, to focus on what it is teaching me. Granted, I had to make a trip to the chiropractor to get the knots out of my neck, but even in that, I refuse to be defeated.

Phillippians 4:12-13 I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. (WHY???) I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHICH STRENGTHENETH ME!!

At times I look around and realize that the place I am in may not be all it is cracked up to be, but through Him I have learned how to take the good with the bad. I can make through ALL situations by His strength.

And no matter where I am....I have learned to find contentment.

In your face, devil. You lose again....

It's MY Day!!!

2010-05-08T16:44:00.000-07:00

On November 16, 1987 I embarked on a journey that will last for the rest of my life.

I became a mother.

I was one month shy of turning 21, still a baby in so many ways. Suddenly I had this little life I was in charge of.

I still remember the feeling of holding both of my babies for the very first time. There has not been another feeling like it yet for me.

I have done many things since that day almost 23 years ago, but I must say, nothing else has compared!

And everything else that I have done has only been enhanced by the fact that I am a mother.

I am still in awe of them after all these years. They are amazing and I cannot wait until the day they become parents (in God's time of course!) so that I can step into what I will consider the role of a lifetime....I will become a Mammy!!

Thank you Lord for your many incredible blessings! I am, among women, most blessed!!!!!

Raging

2010-04-29T18:14:00.000-07:00

My name is Sheri, and I am a rager......

I have this problem. I think it has evolved because of the hustle and bustle of life for me.

You see...normally I am pretty even tempered. It takes a lot to get me worked up.

A doctor I used to work with was telling the other nurses one day that he didn't think I would ever get excited about anything. He said he expected me to come to him and blandly say,
"Doctor, the patient is about to deliver."

When the fetal heart rate would be concerning and my waiting parents would pick up on it and begin to panic I would always tell them, "When you see me panic....then you panic."

I might be jumping up and down in my head, but I always did my best not to let them see my concern.

So many times I have been told, "You keep your head in a crisis," or "Nothing ever seems to upset you."

I remember when I was a kid there was this song called "Junk Food Junkie." I have never forgotten that song.

It was this guy talking about how healthy he always ate, you know, bean sprouts and all that stuff. But, there was a side to the guy that no one ever saw...

I just have to share the words with you.

You know I love that organic cooking
I always ask for more
And they call me Mr Natural
On down to the health food store
I only eat good sea salt
White sugar don't touch my lips
And my friends is always begging me
To take them on macrobiotic trips
Yes, they are

Oh, but at night I stake out my strong box
That I keep under lock and key
And I take it off to my closet
Where nobody else can see
I open that door so slowly
Take a peek up north and south
Then I pull out a Hostess Twinkie
And I pop it in my mouth

Yeah, in the daytime I'm Mr Natural
Just as healthy as I can be
But at night I'm a junk food junkie
Good Lord have pity on me

Well, at lunchtime you can always find me
At the Whole Earth Vitamin Bar
Just sucking on my plain white yogurt
From my hand thrown pottery jar
And sippin' a little hand pressed cider
With a carrot stick for dessert
And wiping my face in a natural way
On the sleeve of my peasant shirt
Oh, yeah

Ah, but when that clock strikes midnight
And I'm all by myself
I work that combination on my secret hideaway shelf
And I pull out some Fritos corn chips
Dr Pepper and an ole Moon Pie
Then I sit back in glorious expectation
Of a genuine junk food high

Oh yeah, in the daytime I'm Mr Natural
Just as healthy as I can be
Oh, but at night I'm a junk food junkie
Good Lord have pity on me

My friends down at the commune
They think I'm pretty neat
Oh, I don't know nothing about arts and crafts
But I give 'em all something to eat
I'm a friend to old Euell Gibbons
And I only eat home grown spice
I got a John Keats autographed Grecian urn
Filled up with my brown rice
Yes, I do

Oh, folks but lately I have been spotted
With a Big Mac on my breath
Stumbling into a Colonel Sanders
With a face as white as death
I'm afraid someday they'll find me
Just stretched out on my bed
With a handful of Pringles potato chips
And a Ding Dong by my head

In the daytime I'm Mr Natural
Just as healthy as I can be
But at night I'm a junk food junkie
Good Lord have pity on me

I have always had this mental picture of this guy that never fails to amuse me.

Well, I too, have a problem.....

Road Rage.

Oh, please....not the "I'm gonna pull up next to you with a gun" kind....

More the "WHAT are you DOING? Who gave you a license????? Aren't you like 90, for crying out LOUD!!!"

"You could have passed them 10 times by now!! What are you waiting for? An invitation?"

"OK, Buddy....The rear end of this car is about to be on the market and YOU are the highest bidder if you don't BACK OFF!!"

I don't know what happens to me. Like the guy with the junk food problem, I am normally FINE!

But today, as I was traveling my lovely South Georgia country roads and I got behind PawPaw, and a tractor, and a guy with a bunch of stuff in the back of his truck with no tailgate, and the guy that pulled out in front of me when NO ONE was behind me and then went 10 mph and promptly TURNED causing me to have to slam on my brakes, I could feel sparks shooting out of my eyes.

My Name is Sheri....and I have road rage....

Good Lord, have pity on me.....

Where You Send Me

2010-04-28T15:30:00.000-07:00

Jeremiah 7:23 But this thing commanded I them, saying, Obey my voice, and I will be your God, and ye shall be my people: and walk ye in all the ways that I have commanded you, that it may be will unto you.

Luke 24:49 And behold, I send the promise of my Father upon you: but tarry ye in the city of Jerusalem, until ye be endued with power from on high.

Acts 2:1-4 And when the day of Pentecost was fully come, they were all with one accord in one place. And Suddenly there came a sound from heaven as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled all the house where they were sitting. And there appeared unto them cloven tongues like as of fire, and it sat upon each of them. And they were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance.

Acts 2:37-39 Now when they (They being the Jews that were in Jerusalem who heard every man speak in tongues and were amazed because they could understand them since they were Galileans. But, when they began to mock and say that everyone was "drunk," Peter stood among them and preached the gospel. Peter is the one that Jesus gave the KEYS to the Kingdom.) heard this (what Peter said), they were pricked in their heart, and said unto Peter and to the rest of the apostles, Men and brethren, what shall we do? Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost. For the promise is unto you, and to your children, and to all that are afar off, even as many as the Lord our God shall call.

I was headed to tour a potential new Personal Care Home today. The road I travel to get to the town is long with nothing but pine trees for miles and miles.

I was riding along, listening to my iPod, thinking about various things; my family, my church, my job, how blessed I am.

Suddenly, I started crying. I felt overwhelmed and began to pray. I didn't know what the need was, but I began to pray and before long I was interceding for some unknown (to me but not to God) need.

My husband called shortly thereafter, and as we have been concerned about his job situation I figured the call was not good news and perhaps God had been preparing me by whispering to my heart as I was praying "I will make a way."

I asked, "Are you OK?" And he was. So, I told him what had been happening and we talked for a few minutes about our future and how it is resting solidly in His hands.

I made a stop in town and could not find the road I was looking for. I called one of my Case Managers and she told me that I needed to turn around because it was on the other side of town, the way I came in.

I did find the road. And I did find the Personal Care Home.

But, I had no idea He was waiting for me there.

I knocked on the door and no one answered, so I went back to the car and called the number for the home. An older gentleman answered and told me how to come in the back door.

When I got inside, we introduced ourselves and he told me to look around. Turn on the light and explore and then come back and he would tell me about the home.

So I did.

I returned to the den where he sat in his lift chair, hooked to the big oxygen tank I had seen in the other room. And I sat, and I listened.

He talked about the home and what their plans were with it. He talked about the process of getting it ready to be a Personal Care Home.

And he talked about his children, and his life. He talked about growing up poor and making something for himself.

And I listened.

In the midst of our conversation he said, "I know this is personal, but looking at you I can tell you must be a really religious lady."

"Well, I am glad you can tell. I try to live in such a way that His light shines out of me."

He assured me it did.

So, we talked about God for a while, about His goodness. He said he knew he had not done some things right, but he tried. And we talked about that some.

Finally, I knew I needed to go, but I didn't want to leave him. I had told him about my father passing and about some of his life in the newspaper business.

I stood at the door and told him I would be back, just to see him. He said he hoped I would.

Then, he began to weep, (he had done so many times during our conversation) and he told me how God had been so good to him. I then told him about those last few moments with my Dad, about hearing him crying, just as he was now, and hearing him praising God just as he was doing. I told him how much that memory meant to me, and how I replay it over and over.

He said he wished he could do more, but he was in constant pain. He could not take any medicine to relieve the arthritis that plagued him because of his heart problems and his diabetes.

And as I stood there, I knew He was there too. I found myself saying, "Let me pray for you before I leave."

I went over and asked him where he hurt the worst, and I laid my hand on his left knee and prayed.

I left him sobbing in his chair with the promise of my return.

I don't tell you this to puff myself up (after all, it's not about me), I tell you this because God manifested Himself to me today.

Jeremiah 7:23 But this thing commanded I them, saying, Obey my voice, and I will be your God, and ye shall be my people: and walk ye in all the ways that I have commanded you, that it may be will unto you.

I have been hungry for God to use me. Not how most would think. I don't need public adoration, I need Him. And, I know there is a lost and dying world out there who has never known Him.

One of the terms that is most hated in today's world is *OBEY.* We don't want a God who tells us what to do, we want a God who lets us do what we want and turns the other cheek.

See, this is where I am crazy, because I LONG to obey. I want to walk in His ways, not my ways. I want Him to be with me!!

Jesus gave a message to the disciples before He ascended: "but tarry ye in the city of Jerusalem, until ye be endued with power from on high."

*Just go where I tell you and wait on Me, and I will fulfill My promises. *

And they did.

Acts 1:4-5 And being assembled together with them, commanded them that they should not depart for Jerusalem, but wait for the promise of the Father, which, saith he, ye have heard of me. For John truly baptized with water, but ye shall be baptized with the Holy Ghost not many days hence.

Now they weren't just sitting around waiting...

Acts 1:13-14 And when they were come in, they went up into an upper room, where abode both Peter, and James, and John, and Andrew, Philip, and Thomas, Bartholomew, and Matthew, James the son of Alphaeus, and Simon Zelotes, and Judas the brother of James. These all continued with one accord in prayer and supplication, with the women, and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with his brethren.

Because they obeyed, there were about 120 filled with the Holy Ghost there in the upper room, including Mary, the mother of Jesus.

And, because of that experience, there were about 3000 souls baptized as those in Jerusalem "gladly received his word."

I have been asking God to use me, for His glory, to reach the lost.

And He sent me. He made a way for me, just as I knew He would, to be a witness to this man, to bring the gospel to him.

I will obey.

Lord, help me to walk in the ways You have commanded me. I know it is not the popular way, but it is Your way. I want everything You have for me. Everything. I want to live by Your Word. Help me to always be sensitive to those that are hurting. Help me to be ready at all times. I will go where You send me, Lord, for I know Your promises are true.

Treasures

2010-04-23T19:16:00.000-07:00

I have to admit it...
It's been hard for me to go there
Because you are everywhere
But I did
And you were everywhere
Pictures I had never seen
Receipts with your boldly scrawled name
(I tucked one into my pocket)
The notepads from your desk
And then I ventured into the bedroom
The room I have most avoided
Your cologne on the counter
Next to your shaving cream
And your shoes
Florsheim's, of course
The boots you always wore
Back in the day
There were suits hanging there
So I dug in all the pockets
It became a treasure hunt
Little post-it notes with numbers
Receipts from buying the suits
Folded up paper towels
And then I found the most wonderful secrets
I kept one for myself
And I held it to my face and cried
The thing is
You left all of these things there
Because you were coming back for them
You left them in drawers
On the counter
In pockets
Because you knew they would be there
When you went to look for them
And more than anything
At this moment
I want you to come claim them
But I know that's not God's plan
For either of us
So I claimed a couple of your treasures
Just for me
Maybe you left them there
So I would not forget
Like I ever could
I miss you......

The View From The Top

2010-04-14T11:06:00.000-07:00

During my father's illness, he and I would always talk about writing a book someday to chronicle all of our adventures and misadventures as we journeyed through very uncharted territory.

We decided we would tell about the highs and the lows, but we knew in the end it would be a story of triumph.

And the name of the book was going to be "Standing on the Mountain of God," because through the valleys of illness we were determined to *press our way higher* to the prize He had in store for us, to the finish line.

I was thinking about Moses when Amalek came to fight Israel in Rephidim.

Exodus 17:9-13 And Moses said unto Joshua, Choose us out men, and go out, fight with Amalek: tomorrow I will stand on the top of the hill with the rod of God in mine hand. So Joshua did as Moses had said to him, and fought with Amalek: and Moses, Aaron, and Hur went up to the top of the hill. And it came to pass, when Moses held up his hand, that Israel prevailed: and when he let down his hand, Amalek prevailed. But Moses' hands were heavy; and they took a stone, and put it under him, and he sat thereon; and Aaron and Hur stayed up his hand, the one on the one side, and the other on the other side; and his hands were steady until the going down of the sun. And Joshua discomfited Amalek and his people with the edge of the sword.

Moses made it to the top of the mountain. And he did what he was supposed to do. By lifting his hands he declared his dependence and faith in God and through drawing near to Him through prayer, faith and obedience he had all of the tools in his hand to help Israel achieve victory.

But, during the course of the fight, he became weary.

And in his weariness he began to droop. His prayers faltered, his hands dropped, his back ached.

When that happened someone was there to help him continue on. Someone was there to say, "OK, I know you are tired, let me help to hold you up so you can *press on.*"

And then there was Joshua, down in the midst of the battle, leading the charge against the enemy.

I know that my father became tired. Oh, he fought, he fought hard. But, there were times when the fight would drain out of him.

That's where we came in, to hold him up. And that's when we would go ahead of him in the battles of the spirit and fight when he was not able.

Did my Dad make it to the top? You bet. And the most beautiful part of it all is that we were right there with him, we were there to help hold him up and we were there to see him become victorious over the battle he had fought so long and hard.

Today, I am still writing his story, the story of victory. And I stand high on the mountain of God, looking back at all the miles we journeyed as a family up until this point.

And, I look through the tears of one who has won and lost at the same time, knowing that the view from the top is bittersweet.

I'm thankful today. Thankful for the blessings in the thorns of my life. Knowing that had God chosen a different path for us I would not have the same *view* I do today. Thankful for ALL of it. I can't complain.

The Stranger

2010-04-07T17:34:00.000-07:00

This is old, but it has been on my mind. I don't know if you have ever read this before but it is so true. "Oh, be careful little eyes!"

"A few months before I was born, my dad met a stranger who was new to our small Tennessee town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer, and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around to welcome me into the world a few months later.

As I grew up I never questioned his place in our family. In my young mind, each member had a special niche. My brother, Bill, five years my senior, was my example. Fran, my younger sister, gave me an opportunity to play 'big brother' and develop the art of teasing. My parents were complementary instructors-- Mom taught me to love the word of God, and Dad taught me to obey it.

But the stranger was our storyteller. He could weave the most fascinating tales. Adventures, mysteries and comedies were daily conversations. He could hold our whole family spell-bound for hours each evening.

If I wanted to know about politics, history, or science, he knew it all. He knew about the past, understood the present, and seemingly could predict the future. The pictures he could draw were so life like that I would often laugh or cry as I watched.

He was Iike a friend to the whole family. He took Dad, Bill and me to our first major league baseball game. He was always encouraging us to see the movies and he even made arrangements to introduce us to several movie stars. My brother and I were deeply impressed by John Wayne in particular.

The stranger was an incessant talker. Dad didn't seem to mind-but sometimes Mom would quietly get up-- while the rest of us were enthralled with one of his stories of faraway places-- go to her room, read her Bible and pray. I wonder now if she ever prayed that the stranger would leave.

You see, my dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions. But this stranger never felt obligation to honor them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our house-- not from us, from our friends, or adults. Our longtime visitor, however, used occasional four letter words that burned my ears and made Dad squirm. To my knowledge the stranger was never confronted. My dad was a teetotaler who didn't permit alcohol in his home - not even for cooking. But the stranger felt like we needed exposure and enlightened us to other ways of life. He offered us beer and other alcoholic beverages often.

He made cigarettes look tasty, cigars manly, and pipes distinguished. He talked freely (probably too much too freely) about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing. I know now that my early concepts of the man-woman relationship were influenced by the stranger,

As I look back, I believe it was the grace of God that the stranger did not influence us more. Time after time he opposed the values of my parents. Yet he was seldom rebuked and never asked to leave.

More than thirty years have passed since the stranger moved in with the young family on Morningside Drive. He is not nearly so intriguing to my Dad as he was in those early years. But if I were to walk into my parents' den today, you would still see him sitting over in a corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures.

His name? We always just called him TV."

-Told by Keith Currie

I'm Too Old For This

2010-03-25T06:43:00.000-07:00

I don't know if any of you remember when we got the truck but, yea, I can't drive it.

If I am going to be on the interstate or I find about 4 empty parking places together than I am ok, really!

But, other than that, not so much.

So, I cut my loses a while back and went back to driving my little Suzuki. That is, until my daughter needed a ride.

Bobby came home with a little red number, a *Dave Ramsey Car* that gets very good gas mileage, so Denise got the Suzuki and I got a glorified go-cart.

It will eventually get up there to a good cruising speed, but I don't really push it too much. And I can park it ANYWHERE!! Amazing! I actually feel like a good driver again.

It is the, well, getting up and down off the ground as I get in and out of it that has proved to be the biggest challenge. I don't see how anybody going through mid-life crisis can make themselves feel younger by hoisting themselves in and out of an itty bitty sports car.

If anything, it has been a blatant, slap in the face kind of reminder that "the old gray mare just ain't what she used to be." And I am just pleased that I have managed to develop a technique that diminishes my awkwardness as much a possible.

But, you have to take the good with the bad. And I know that the truck would thank me if it could with it's many battle scars from mailboxes, curbs, posts and various other things I smacked along the way (some without even knowing it).

I don't exactly go vvrrrooommm vvrrroommm anymore, more like bbbbzzzz bbbbbzzzzz, but, hey, I still get to ride in the truck and I do drive it in low danger zones. So if my back survives I will have some extra pocket change to pay any medical expenses should my back not survive...

If you happen to see a middle aged lady running around in a little red car, I'm not having a mid-life crisis....I'm having a large-truck crisis.

Saying Goodbye

2010-03-23T04:16:00.000-07:00

I went to the funeral of someone very dear to me last Friday. Carrie was the nurse that trained me all those years ago and I keep thinking about the times that we shared, her heart and the goodness that went straight to her bones.

Carrie was the kind of person that we would all hope to be. I can't think of one single person that could say anything bad about her. She was everything that I strive to be but never quite hit the mark.

And I loved her. I still do. Her send-off didn't seem grand enough for such a grand lady.

I was blessed to know her, blessed by all of our talks, the times she shared her heart with me, and sometimes even her pain as she would ask me to pray with her about different circumstances.

I went to Labor and Delivery one day after Dad had his heart surgery. At that time we didn't think he was going to have to stay on dialysis and we were rejoicing because his labs were good. I stopped to share the news with Carrie.

As usual, it didn't take long before we were both crying. She told me finally that she was so glad I had come to tell her because she thought it was from the Lord to encourage her. You see, there was something going on with her kidneys and she was scared.

Thank you, Carrie, for all the things you added to my life. For trusting me, for the little presents I would find on my doorstep from you, for the trips to Helen, for the love that was genuine and felt. Saying goodbye is not easy, so I will just say I hope to see you soon.

Rising to the Occasion

2010-03-17T08:28:00.000-07:00

Today has been a hard day for me. I am feeling lost and sad due to present circumstances and the fact that in my imperfections that I walk in daily, I am always reminded that others are imperfect, too.

On March 2, I lost my Daddy. That "box" that had carried him for 69 years suddenly could not contain him any longer. And I miss him beyond words.

No one will ever know how much I appreciate the years I had here with my parents, in health and in sickness. In many, many ways, it was the trials of his health that gave me the opportunity to know him as I never had before, because, you see, I realized he was human.

I have so many wonderful memories of the times with him, even the hard times. So many stories that I would have never heard if his health had not slowed him down, because, I assure you, that was the only thing that could have slowed him down.

I learned about his character and his heart. I watched his faith grow even it the face of overwhelming circumstances. And I was given time to build a relationship with my father that will surpass even death.

Do I have regrets? Oh, more than you could know. I regret that life interfered with my ability to do more for him. I regret that, at times, I had to rely on others to help me, because, you see, as much as I would have liked for it to be otherwise I had responsibilities that could not wait.

I have also been thankful over and over that someone was able to help after I changed jobs. I have thanked God so many times.

I regret that life got in the way, but I am ever so thankful for all the time I was allowed. I have no energy to be bitter.

When I break the box of my praise over my Master's feet, I praise Him for ALL things. And the cost of my praise is unknown to anyone but me.

My Daddy taught me many, many things during our 43 years together. I saw in him character that is missing from most in the world today. Over and over when problems arose, when situations presented themselves, when sadness came, during times of great joy and during some of the darkest days, even when that "box" had almost failed him completely, my Daddy rose to whatever occasion came his way. He was dependable and true to who he was until the very end.

So shall I rise to the occasion of losing such a great man. I will carry myself with dignity and behave as he would have expected. And I will continue to praise the God of my salvation who knew the end from the beginning. I will continue to live my life in such a way that I can have that hope of seeing my Daddy once again. And on that great day may my soul be prepared to rise to the occasion of that marvelous resurrection.

But, until that day will always miss my wonderful Dad.

Beginning The Process

2010-03-08T04:26:00.000-08:00

I have to say that for the first time in my life I am at a loss. I can't quite figure out the next step here as I navigate this new territory. And compounding this is the fact that everything has taken on a surreal quality eclipsing the very evident reality of my life at this point.

I am at a standstill.

I know that there are billions of people in the world that have suffered the same loss that I have. And as a nurse I have studied the Stages of Grief as outlined by Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. I have seen grief first hand on more than one occasion and I have grieved myself over past loses.

I knew in my mind that day was fast approaching. I actually prayed for God to have his way. And I have listened to the well meaning words that he is no longer suffering, no longer in pain. I do know this even though this is not the main reason I prayed for God to intervene.

I knew that big strong man was still there in that wrecked body. I could look at him and still see him in his starched white shirts, his Florsheim shoes, his steps sure, his posture erect, the dignity he carried himself with and I knew, I knew.

So, today I begin, and I will begin again tomorrow. I don't know what else to do.

Lord, shelter me today. I need you now more than ever.

The Long and Winding Road

2010-03-03T11:24:00.000-08:00

I laid down last night and the first thing that came to my mind when it settled down enough to allow me to listen to my own thoughts was the first line of "The Long and Winding Road" by Paul McCartney.

I know this is not a Christian song but I have often thought of this song when I have thought of death. I don't know what was intended when this song was composed, but I have always pictured a tired soldier ready to go through that door at the end of his long journey of life.

Last night the biggest, strongest man I have ever known came to the end of the long and winding road of his life.

We started a different journey as a family several years ago when my father's eyesight began to fail. Then in 2006 he had heart surgery.

If any of you have followed my blog through the years you have been part of our journey. We have been on the mountain top and we have struggled through the valley.

I was able to spend last weekend in Louisiana just being with my parents. No one was in the hospital, we just spent time together.

I am so thankful for that time. You know, I could see the direction the road was taking, and I knew that God was in control. That doesn't mean that my heart is not broken because it is. But that means that I trust Him and know He works ALL things for my good.

I can still see him, in my mind, big and strong as I looked up at him from my little girl eyes. I was certain that he was undefeatable.

And as the years have passed I grew more and more certain that he was the wisest, strongest man I would ever know. He has been through so much and I marvel that we have had the time with him that we have.

So, tomorrow the body of a great man will arrive in Douglas to be interred in that body's final resting place, but my big, strong Daddy is long gone. Today he can walk the streets of gold on both legs. What is such a day of sadness for me is a day of celebration for him.

No more sorrow, no sickness, no pain. No more goodbyes.

So this is not goodbye, Daddy. When I reach the end of my long and winding road we will have the chance to meet again. What a day, glorious day, that will be.

You are the best Daddy there ever was. And you are loved beyond measure.

Sometimes I Cry

2010-02-19T04:40:00.000-08:00

There is joy in my life,
I'm blessed with happiness,
I have so much to be thankful for.
But there are times of pain
That overshadow my world,
It's those times I long to reach You,
My Comforter and Strength,
My Tower and Provider through it all.
It's not doubt that brings my tears,
Not confusion or fears,
Just a need for a shelter in the storm.

Sadness comes to every heart
Somewhere down life's road
And we come face to face with loss and pain.
But my Promise speaks into my heart
Though there are tears on my face,
No matter what the morning always comes.
So allow me my weeping,
Knowing it endures but a time.

Sometimes I cry,
Sometimes I weep,
Sometimes I fall down at Your feet.
My heart still breaks,
My souls still aches,
The load gets hard for me to take.
It's not a lack of faith,
It's a need for Your embrace.
Through the storms of my life
Sometimes I cry.

I don't ask for understanding
For why I pour out my heart to Him
His peace is everlasting,
His light is never dim.
I know He holds my problem
Within His nail scarred hand,
And when my heart is crushed and broken,
That's when I seek His face,
To fill my life with mercy again.

I Have To Say It....

2010-02-08T15:59:00.000-08:00

I try to be uplifting and positive...

But, you are about to be subjected to a rant.

If you do not want to read my rant, kindly move on, otherwise.....

I was in high school when I decided I wanted to go into Nursing. Granted, it took me a little while to get here, but here I am.

Now, let me explain why I came to this all important decision.

There were two experiences that I had, one with a wonderfully compassionate nurse, and one with a horrible, neglectful nurse.

I wanted to emulate the wonderfully compassionate nurse.

I can never claim to be the World's Record Best Nurse in the Universe, but I think I am a good Nurse.

I think you go beyond just drawing a paycheck when you remember that you are caring for PEOPLE....

People who love and are loved in return, people who have parents, children, nieces, nephews, friends that CARE about them.

People who may not be on their best behavior for WHATEVER reason, people who may be lonely or afraid.

Laying there is someones Mama or Daddy, someones child, someones husband or wife, although to you they may just be a room number.

I am disappointed in the nursing profession....

Oh, not ALL of the nursing profession. I know there are still those out there who are nurses for the same reason I am.

But, of late, I have seen too many nurses that don't appear to me to be in it for the same reasons that I am...

And that makes me....ANGRY

Who do you think you are that you cannot get YOUR patient up on the bedside commode because the Aide is busy? What makes it OK for them to sit there in pain until you finish your on-line shopping or get off the phone?

Why are YOU too good to change their sheets when they get dirty or give them a bath?

If you are going to be a sorry nurse then I am GOING to point out your faults...if you don't like it, find yourself another profession where someones life is NOT in your hands.

I NEVER like to tell anyone I am a nurse when my family is in the hospital because, to me it is only done to intimidate. But, if YOU are going to give shoddy care then I AM going to say something, and take it as high as it needs to go.

Do you want to know why nursing is not respected as it once was? Because we have bred some lazy, self-centered nurses that think because they passed a test they deserve a paycheck.

I got news for you.....you deserve nothing.

When you clock in for your shift you are saying that you will CARE for your patients. What a concept!!

That doesn't mean that you sit at the nurses station and chart what the Aide says they are doing when they take the vital signs. That means you get off your lazy behind and go down the hall and INTERACT with YOUR patients that YOU were assigned to care for.

If you are charting that the patient was asleep and you didn't even look at them YOU ARE COMMITTING FRAUD!!

IF you became a nurse because you thought you were going to make big bucks then I pray to GOD that you never care for a member of my family.

And, just for the record, when I cared for YOUR family, I did it as if they were my own.

Have a nice day.

Surviving Till Happily Ever After

2010-01-31T08:01:00.000-08:00

I am not sure if I mentioned that my parents recently celebrated their 5oth wedding anniversary or not.

In these modern times, that is no small feat!

I want to share with you some things that I have learned from them over the years.

The first and foremost thing is that "Marriage is not perfect."

I have seen my parents survive some extreme ups and downs over the years. And, there were times when I know they felt like throwing in the towel and saying "enough is enough." But, they didn't.

"Family needs to be FIRST after God in your home."

If you reach a point where something else becomes more important than those that you share each day with then you are in for some major problems! You have to remember at all times that each decision you make not only effects you, it effects your family too.

"If Mom and Dad don't have a relationship then the whole family suffers."

You have to take time out for each other, make it a priority! Talk to one another, have a date night, and support each other!

"Make memories!"

Have little adventures and share simple times TOGETHER! Know one another!

"For Better or Worse is easier said than done."

I would be remiss not to say that there have been times in my own marriage where I have wanted to run away from home. Marriage is hard work. And I know that there are problems and situations that cannot be overcome especially in these complicated times we live in. But if the end comes then I want it to be said that "I" did all I knew to do!

We recently snuck away for a weekend together. We went to Plains, GA and stayed at the Plains Historic Inn! It is one of my most favorite places.

While we were there we went to hear Former President Carter teach Sunday School and had our picture taken with Mr. and Mrs. Carter after service. One of the things that has stuck with me was the fact that during our INSTRUCTION period before he arrived we were told that they stood together, holding hands and we were NOT to try to separate them!

That is the MAIN key to making it right there! Don't let anything separate you! Stick together!!

When my father was so very sick recently and we were called in thinking it was the end my father said of our family "We've got to stick together."

I have seen some difficult times in my parents marriage, some difficult times in my own, and I am quite sure I will see more. But, if we can just stick together, hold on to each other, maybe we will survive to our 50th anniversary.

Maybe we can live happily EVEN after!!

Coffee, Tea, or Me.....Having a Heart of Servanthood

2010-01-20T18:32:00.000-08:00

I have felt a higher calling of late.

My prayer has always been to have the heart of a servant. But during my study the other morning I thought, "exactly what does that mean?"

Yes, I want to be of service, but do I really understand what it means to serve?

So, I looked it up.

A Servant is one who serves, no big surprise here.

To SERVE is to be subordinate to, to act a secondary part under, to appear as the inferior of; to minister to.

To SERVE is to be of use; to answer a purpose; to suffice, to suit; to be convenient or favorable.

To SERVE is to be used by; as of a utility.

To SERVE is to promote, benefit, or be useful or beneficial to.

When I think of serving I think "what can I DO!"

Maybe I need to be thinking "what can I GIVE!"

I prayed that the Lord would give me a good biblical illustration of serving, of real servanthood. I had many pop into my mind...

But suddenly He brought to my mind Matthew 25:36-40

For I was an hungered, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked and ye clothed me, I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me. Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungered, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

The part I love the most about this section of scripture is the setting He described before He began this in Matthew 25:34

Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.

This is the reward for the servant.

During his reign, King Frederick William III of Prussia found himself in a bind. Wars had been costly, and in trying to build the nation, he was seriously short of finances. After careful reflection, he decided to ask the women of Prussia if they would bring their jewelry of gold and silver to be melted down for their country. Each piece of jewelry he received, he would exchange for a decoration of bronze or iron as a symbol of his gratitude. These decorations would be inscribed, ‘I gave gold for iron, 1813′.

The response was overwhelming. But more importantly, the women prized these gifts from the king even more highly than their former jewelry! The reason, of course, is clear. They were proof that they had sacrificed for their king.

There is a reward for the servant. But the key may be not in what we do for those around us, but in what we willing GIVE to those around us.

Preparing The Nursery

2010-01-05T19:34:00.000-08:00

Isaiah 66:7-8 Before she travailed, she brought forth; before her pain came, she was delivered of a man child. Who hath heard such things? Shall the earth be made to bring forth in one day? or shall a nation be born at once? for as soon as Zion travailed, she brought forth her children.

I have had many dreams in my past. I can still remember dreams I had when I was a child.

Sometimes I dream and the dream will be so vivid, so real, that I can smell smells and feel things I am touching.

Last night I had such a dream.

I dreamed that somehow I had a baby. I was on my way somewhere and I had this fat little healthy baby in my arms.

And I crawled into the back of the car because I had no car seat to put the baby in.

Then I noticed as I was holding the baby that it only had on a diaper and his skin was cold under my hands.

So I started looking for clothes in the diaper bag to dress the baby....only there were no clothes.

The diaper bag was full of dirty diapers. There were no wipes to clean the baby up with.

There was a bottle that was full of only water and I had no formula to mix in it, no other way to feed this baby.

I had this beautiful little baby boy and I was totally unprepared to care for him.

This baby has haunted my thoughts all day, and every time I picture him in my arms looking up at me and expecting me to take care of him my eyes fill with tears.

Somebody trusted me with him and I blew it. I was totally unprepared to take care of him.

Oh, I could have cuddled him and loved him, but that wouldn't have put food in his belly to stop his hunger. I could have sang a beautiful lullaby to soothe him, but that wouldn't have protected him from the cold, that wouldn't have cleaned him up.

I can't count the times today I have wept, not for the baby, but for me.

I was not prepared.

I have prayed for revival, prayed for new birth, to see new souls born and to watch them grow in Him.

I have wept and travailed awaiting the arrival of these new babies.

Could it be that I'm not ready?

Could it be that I have not prepared? Do I not have in place inside me what it will take to nurture new life, to teach a new baby, nourish a new baby, protect a new baby until it is ready to move from milk to meat?

Could something in me be the reason Zion has not given birth here in this city??

I sit here tonight with tears running down my face because more than anything else I want to be READY!!

Search every part of me, LORD, every part. I have been travailing so long and I am certain the time is near. Make room in my life, let me have everything in place so that when I have those babies in my arms I will be prepared to care for them, for Your Word says "for as soon as Zion travailed, she brought for her children" so I know many are coming.

I am so longing to see "The precious sons of Zion, comparable to fine gold, how are they esteemed as earthen pitchers, the work of the hands of the potter!" (Lamentations 4:2)

Welcome 2010

2010-01-01T17:09:00.000-08:00

I am anxiously anticipating this new year! So many exciting things are on the horizon.

Keep checking the blog. I am working on a couple of things that I should be posting soon.

In the mean time....God Bless....God FIRST!! That is the key to success!!

Today I Realized....

2009-12-22T19:57:00.000-08:00

That this will be the first Christmas that I can think of that I have not been with my parents....

Wow.....

I sure am missing them right now.