Let's just say I have always lived my life taking the safest route. I have a habit of following the rules because the consequences of not doing so frankly scare me to death.
I have a habit of blowing things up into gigantic proportions. It's not healthy, but it is me. It doesn't help that my nature is to pick things apart and look at them from every angle, dream up every scenario, and search for every solution.
I made a decision several years ago now. It was the right decision even though it seems that everything went the wrong way afterward. It was the right thing to do.
Because of that decision I have been forced to come face to face with many of my fears. Too many to mention here, but many of them. I am still facing some of them, and my mind is still working on them to find the solution, like a perpetual Rubix Cube.
"What times I am afraid I will trust in thee," I repeat that over and over in my life. Somehow, even in the midst of my bungling, things have turned out okay so far.
A few weeks back I went with my cousin and a friend of hers to Six Flags. Before we even left for the day I made it clear I wasn't riding anything scary. I have literally had a panic attack when waiting in line for a big roller coaster. My cousin didn't ever agree to that.
Before we left the park that day she had talked me into riding Superman. This coaster actually has you suspended face down to simulate flying. I don't know what I was thinking.
We waited in line and I mentally gave myself a pep-talk. When it was finally our turn and I was strapped in I repented of every sin I have ever done, just in case.
Next thing I know we are making our way up the first hill, facing the ground.
And, off we went. I screamed so much my throat hurt when we got off. She laughed so much hers hurt.
And, all I could think was I want to do that again.
All these years I have lived my life safely. Never taking any chances, never taking any risks, never learning who I really was.
I have found out that instead of someone cowering in the face of life, I am pretty fearless as I face my life.
So, in a couple of weeks we are going back to Six Flags. And, I am thinking of tackling Goliath on this trip. Seems kinda fitting, don't you think??