Have you ever tried?
You know, I was not much more than a toddler when that song came out. It made no sense then and it really doesn't make much more sense now.
And, yes I AM taking those lines out of context but those are the only lines I truly remember. The rest kinda goes like this: na na. Na nana. Na na naaaaaa na.
The kind of person that just rolls with the punches.
The one that doesn't let anything bother them.
Oh. To be that person.
I can be cool and calm in a crisis. I really feel like I do my best thinking when the adrenaline is pumping.
But, even though I may have my poker face on and you may not know it from the tone of my voice, inside me I may be freaking out.
I hate freaking out.
Recently I was asked to post ten things about me that the world at large may not know. I chose to only send them to the person that made the request.
One of those things was the time that I went a little crazy.
Anytime I would ever say something was driving me crazy someone would say that was a short trip for me. But it was the final destination of a long journey.
Losing my dad hurt. Losing my mom three months later was more than I could take.
And I was shattered into a million pieces. I was unable to sleep in my bedroom for months because of claustrophobia, something I have never suffered before or since. I couldn't sleep. I cried and cried and cried. And I felt alone. In a home full of my family I was totally alone.
I thought the despair would consume me. And it almost did.
Since then I have been through so much more. And I have felt things I never imagined I could.
I have been somewhere I never in my entire life imagined even existed. I have been to a place where I wondered if it was even worth going on.
There is one particular instance that comes to my mind that I cannot even visit mentally without feeling panicked. And desolate.
I was sitting in a lady's home doing an assessment the other day. She told me I had a beautiful smile. And then someone else told me just seeing me smile made them want to smile.
I realized I have come full circle. I have travelled through such despair, but I have come back around to the other side.
Thank God for allowing me to feel the sun in my face again.