Friday, December 24, 2010

The Ghost of Christmas Past

I don't know if it is fair to say that I am haunted. But memories have become tangled in my mind like kite strings in trees on a windy day.

I am deluged with memories from 44 Christmases that have come and gone.

I feel melancholy but not particularly sad.

Just wondering about Christmases I have yet to experience.

I want to honor Him today. I want Him to know that I have not forgotten Him. I have not forgotten what He did by coming to earth, making Himself man so He could feel as man feels.

I know He did, feel, weep.

And He rejoiced.

Tonight I sit with memories swirling in my mind. Long ago days that I can recall only glimpses of along with more recent days that burn bright and vivid in my mind.

And my heart cries out with thankfulness.

You knew when I was formed that this time would come. And in every way You prepared me to feel loss yet to continue to feel love.

And I do. I still feel the love that little girl felt laying in bed anticipating what the morning would bring. I still feel the love that shimmered when my own babies woke me at 3 am to let me know it was Christmas.

I still feel the love You had for me as You made Yourself a living sacrifice for MY sins.

I can feel each year tonight, each moment in time. And more than that I can see Your love for me in every memory.

You are the love of my life. Looking back it is so plain to see, no one loves me more than You.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

The Way We Were

I heard a song the other day

Another memory

Another time

And I could see days long gone

The softness that time has provided

To yesterday

I could hear the voices of the past

Ringing in my heart

Drawing out a longing

To relive that precious time

Knowing now how precious it was

Missing the way we were.....

Monday, December 13, 2010

When I Grow Up....

There are many things that I think about when remembering my mother. Mama was unique in so many ways.

My Mama tended to exaggerate, especially when it was something to do with the health of someone else.

Case in point: I was still living at home. My sister, Cyndi, had injured her shoulder.

I get a call from my Mom. "You need to go over to your sister's house and help her. She can't use her arms! She really needs some help!"

The phone beeps.

"Hold, on a second, Mama."


It's my sister on the line. I can just see her standing there with my brother-in-law, Randy holding the phone to her ear.

I explained I was talking to Mom and I would be over in just a bit to help her.

When I get there, her shoulder hurts, just one shoulder, but she has the ability to use both arms.

She called me one day to tell me a tornado was headed my way and that I needed to get into the hall closet!

I slam the phone down, grab my cat, Tiger, and jump into the closet.

The phone starts ringing.

It doesn't stop.....

I run out of the closet, certain I am going to die before I can get back in there and it's Mom on the phone.

"Are you OK?"

"Mama! I was in the closet!!"

She had a quirky sense of humor that not many saw but us.

She was strong as she needed to be yet she also had the tendency to panic.

After we moved to Douglas Mom developed the habit of panicking with every siren she heard go by. I cannot tell you the number of calls I got from her. It was always the same thing.

"Are you OK? I just heard the sirens go by."

I was working nights and she called after lunch one day in the "middle of my night."

I saw it was her on caller ID so I thought I would just call her back in a little while when I got up.

Next thing I know I hear "It's a Small World" playing over and over. Since that happened to be our door bell at the time I finally got up and made it to the door to find Mom standing there.

"You had better get up before your house burns down around you!!"

The woods at the end of the road were on fire and it had, indeed, burned into our next door neighbor's yard.

After her abrupt delivery of her message she got into her car and drove away and I stayed outside spraying the water hose on my yard to prevent burning.

She called one day as she normally did. "Are you OK?"

To which I hastily replied, "Why, did an ambulance go by?"

It hadn't. And my teasing hurt her feelings. She pretty much quit her siren calls after that, much to my deep regret.

I missed them.

I often thought of how she dealt with it in terms of her other children. She was too far away from them to sense trouble that might have involved them. She couldn't hear the sirens to alert her that all might not be right. She just had to trust that it was. She could hear it in your voice if it wasn't, no matter how well you tried to conceal it. And she WOULD get it out of you, no matter how long it took!

She never quit worrying about me, even to the end. She downplayed all that was going on with her for my benefit and questioned me about, well, me.

And I feel the depth of loss of her, and the way she loved me, unconditionally.

I hear her voice often times....

I hear it coming out of my own mouth.

"Where are you at? There was a bad wreck in town."

"Call me when you get where you are going so I will know you are safe."

"If you go there sick like you are you are going to end up with pneumonia!!"

Every time I hear a siren and I don't know where my children are I feel a clinching in my heart and I know this is how she always felt.

It doesn't turn off, no matter how old they get to matter how old I get to be.

I have become so much like her in many ways, and that suits me just fine.

I have grown into some of her attributes, some of her mannerisms, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I sure do miss my Mama.....and when I grow up.....I want to be JUST like her!!

Saturday, December 4, 2010

She Works Hard For The Money

I know, you have missed me, dear blog. I have missed you too!!

I have been busy, busy, busy. Work has kept me running here and there and everywhere. I will be so thankful to have things even out...if they ever will.

For Thanksgiving we escaped and went to Disney World for 4 fabulous days! We had so much fun! I really think this was the best trip yet.

We laughed and loved and laughed some more. And you know, I become I little kid again as soon as I see that big Welcome sign that crosses the road when you are entering in. We actually stayed inside Disney this time. I don't think I will ever stay anywhere else.

I know it has been said by some that I spoil my children. It has even said that I have "Bought" their love....which is the most ludicrous thing I have ever heard.

I have loved. Plain and simple. And in that love or out of that love, I have tried to store up memories for my family, for that "someday" when I am no longer here. I want them to look back and say, "Remember when..."

We have just as many memories right here in the confines of these walls as we do at Disney or any of the other places we have visited.

And here is another secret....I work hard, I pay my bills, I'm not up to my eyeballs in debt, and if I want to enjoy my family, that is my business.

Wouldn't you agree?

I will let you in on another secret.... **whispers** I was spoiled, too.

Yup, there it is.....

Did I turn out bad? I don't think so.

And I have noticed kids are pretty great. I'm proud of them, of who they are and who they strive to become.

And I think they love me, too. Not because of what I may have given them, materially, but because of what I have given them maternally.

So, we went to Disney for Thanksgiving. And we had a wonderful time laughing and loving.

And we made plans for the future. Plans for when they move on and have families of their own. Plans to return to laugh and love all over again, year after year.

Now, that made my Thanksgiving something to be thankful about. How blessed I am to have my family. How blessed I am that God has allowed us to be in the position to enjoy something like Disney, because I know how situations can change in an instant.

And I am thankful that even if I didn't have 2 dimes to rub together, I have love beyond measure.

That is something you could never put a price on.

So, I work hard for every paycheck, but, thankfully, love has come easily to my life. I have given love, and it has been returned tenfold!!

Thank You, my faithful Savior, for YOUR love for me. You HAVE given me the desires of my heart. And when that great day comes I know that it will be the love that I have for my children that they will remember most of all! I love You so much!!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Lessons Learned

You know how when you are in the midst of trial and trauma you think, "What is going on here?"

I know that I have on occasion asked God, "What's up?"

Today when talking to someone dear to me who is going through a trial I told her about one instance when I was walking into work, laughing....inappropriately....

I was talking to the Lord with each step.

Finally, I said, "Lord, I just want ONE normal day. Just one."

We sing a song at Truth Harbor called, "For A Time Such As This."

When I have been knee deep in my own circumstances and the problems are continuing to rise I have, at times, felt like there could surely be no way out.

And then, time passes, and I realize so have the situations that I thought would consume me.

So, here are just a few things I have learned during some of the sinking moments of my life. Who knows, maybe someone else is in the midst of their own quagmire of life and is looking for a thread of hope to grasp.

Maybe I faced some trial in the past for just such a time.

First and foremost: Not crying over spilled milk doesn't mean it hasn't spilled.

I have had my heart broken over the past several months, over the past several years. My tendency is to shove the hurt in some little dark corner and pretend all is well.

But pretending all is well doesn't make it so.

Life is full of hurts and though I am NO advocate of wallowing in self pity I have learned that I have the right to grieve, I have the right to be sad. I don't owe anyone an apology or an explanation.

On the tail of that, let me say that when you hurt I can never really KNOW how that hurt makes you feel, therefore I can't say how you should react to it.

It's your pain, just as I have mine. None of us can measure another's pain by our past experiences.

I have also learned that in life we win, we lose, and we keep on living.

Even after loss it is OK to live again. It is OK to laugh, to enjoy life.

That in no way takes away from loss, it doesn't lessen it.

It just says that your heart is still beating in your chest, your blood is still moving through your body, and thoughts are still being conceived in your brain.

Laughter really is powerful medicine.

I have learned over the years that nothing is much more important than those who love you.

Those who REALLY love you....


For who you are, not who they want you to be.

There are those in my life who make over my face....

I know who they are because love can be felt.

See, the trick is in the knowing. That gives you the power not to let it matter to you. These statements may sound bitter or cynical unless YOU really know ME. Because if you do, then you know I feel neither. There is a peace in knowing who loves you, a freedom.

And I love that!

I have learned that at then end of each and every day I lay down to rest in my own skin. The decisions I have made, good or bad, are mine. And I have a responsibility to make sure they reflect the One that loves me most of all so that I can rest easily when my eyes close at night.

Lastly, give yourself permission to be who you are. Allow Him to work through who you are to reach His purpose for your life.

Love without ceasing, until the very last breath you draw in. And if you get wrinkled up, let it be from smiling, from laughing in spite of everything life throws your way.

"Happiness is a journey, not a destination."

Good Night, my friends......

Monday, November 8, 2010

Dearest Blog....

I have missed you.

We will visit soon! I have many things to tell you!!



Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Get Your Own.....

I have been feasting lately on some of the best messages! I LOVE good preaching!! There is nothing that compares. This is not entertainment; when I listen to a message by a man of God, I am prepared to be challenged and changed! That's what it's all about!!

I have 2 children (of my flesh and blood) and I have prayed for them over the courses of their entire lives. I have prayed many, many prayers. And I don't foresee that ever ending as long as I am drawing breath into this body.

I have prayed about their hearts, about their minds. I have prayed for protection for them against the rulers of this world.

I have prayed about their futures, their callings....

I have prayed about my dreams for them, the dreams I see when I look at them.

I have asked God for many, many, many things during my many, many prayers.

And I know within my heart that He has His own dreams for them. So, I pray that I can see those dreams fulfilled.

Matthew 20:20 Then came to him the mother of Zebedee's children with her sons, worshiping him, and desiring a certain thing of him. And he said unto her, What wilt thou? She saith unto him, Grant that these my two sons may sit, the one on thy right hand, and the other on the left, in thy kingdom.

The mother of James and John sought the Lord for His favor on her sons. And He listened to her plea. After all, she had led them before the Lord in worship.

But, in this instance, it was not enough.

They weren't granted these places of honor because Mama asked. Jesus said, "You don't know what you are asking."

These "boys" were not allowed to ride in on the tail of Mama's coat. But, they did do many things for the Lord. They were loved of the Lord.

Because, at some point, they got from behind Mama and sought after His favor for themselves.

Let me tell you young people something: You can't sit back and expect doors to be open for you because your Mama prays.

You can't hang out on the pew, texting your buddies and expect to be used of God.

Daddy ain't gonna get you into the presence of God, he ain't going to get you an audience with the Almighty.

And just because you have a phenomenal Pastor, don't think you automatically slip to the front of the line.

If you want the favor of God in your life, you better get serious and get to it.

I was not raised under a pew. I didn't cut my teeth on the Gospel, didn't grow up with the songs of Zion ringing in my ears.

I was basically ignorant of the things of God when He found me. When I got on my face and wept bitter tears of repentance I wasn't doing it because it was all I knew.

I was doing it because I was desperate, and grabbing hold of Him with both my hands was all I KNEW to do!

I had not heard about gaining His favor for my life. I only knew I was broken and it was only at His feet that I was going to be repaired. I didn't accept Him as my "Personal Savior," I prayed He would clean me up and accept ME! (once again, I think that is the most arrogant of think that *I* could wake up one day and decide to *accept the Lord* and because of that Acceptance on MY part I am forever saved....SO--->What would be the point of the rest of the gospel? Why would Paul die DAILY if it was a one time thing....but, I digress)

There was a certain man in the Old Testament, one that I have gleaned much from over the years, a man named Jacob.

I am pretty sure you know the story from Genesis 32:24-29 how Jacob wrestled with a man all night. When Jacob would not relent his thigh was touched causing his walk to change. Yet, he would not let go.

Verse 26 says: And he said, Let me go, for the day breaketh, And he said, I will not let thee go, except thou bless me.

I won't give up until I have Your blessing. And even if it causes the way I walk in this world to be forever changed, I will not stop until I have prevailed.

It wasn't Mama on the ground, wrestling for favor for her son. It wasn't Daddy rolling around in the dirt.

There comes a day and time in your lives when it's time to stop riding on the coattails of others and get down in the dirt and wrestle until God gives you a blessing.

There comes a time when YOU have to make this real for yourself, when you realize that you can't rely on the walk of others to get you where you need to go.

One day you have to get down and dirty with God, when YOU get down on the mat, and you have to hold on until you get that favor, that UNMERITED favor, because even a wrestling match doesn't win that favor, *accepting* Him doesn't win that favor. THAT unmerited favor is **GRACE** and it is undeserved.

But when He sees YOU are serious. When He sees you leave your phone in the car at church and put everything you have into worship, when He sees you in pre-service prayer, when He sees you are SERIOUS....

He will change your Walk, your Talk, your Dreams and your Desires.

If you want the favor of God in your life there is only one way to get it.....

On Your OWN!!!!

Saturday, October 23, 2010


You always gave the best advice. And you saw things that I could never see. I really want to talk to you today, say "Daddy, this has happened. What do you think? What should I do?" and then I would listen as you examined both sides. I always had plenty to think about after we talked. Then there were the problems you just handled. Because you were my Daddy and that was your job. I always knew what that meant, but today I realized it meant more than I knew.... I am allowed to grieve you, I am allowed to miss you. And I alone know what I'm missing because you alone were my Daddy. I love you and miss you all the time. I wish you were here so you could talk to me about when your own Daddy died so I would know if it gets easier. Because I know you had this same great love for him.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

I'm Tired of Begging

What is the need in your life? Is there something you have been praying for over and over, year after year?

Let me give you some hope today.

There was a man, lame from birth, who was carried daily and laid at the gate of the temple Beautiful.

Day after day.....

Year after year.....

This man had a need....he needed food to eat, clothes to wear, a place to stay.

Yet, he was lame with no way to earn the money for those things by his own labor.

Day after day he was brought to the temple....carried to the appeal to the kindness of those who had come to worship.

He didn't get holidays vacation days....didn't matter what the weather was.

The Bible say in Acts 3:2 that they laid him DAILY at the gate.

Not almost every day....

Not once a week....

Not occasionally....


He laid there each and every day....with a need....waiting....

And eventually someone would come by and give him a little money...and then maybe someone else would come by....then another....

And this was great.

But it did not solve the real need was almost like a band aid that was simply covering the real problem.

Yet he still showed up every day and begged anyone who came close enough to hear his voice.

One day, he hit the jackpot....

Who knows how many times Peter and John may have passed this man before. Maybe he never called out to them before. Maybe they had slipped money in his cup on times past....

But this day when he looked at them expecting to receive money as he usually did from those who stopped he received so much more....

Verse 6 says: "Then Peter said, Silver and gold have I none; but such as I have give I thee: In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth rise up and walk."

Now, I am going to be honest, working in my chosen field I have encountered similar situations. I have had people come to me and say "If I only had _________ I could do ________."

And then, just like a miracle, I say "Hey, I can get that for you!"

But, what I have found is that there are people in this world that like living in that beggar mentality. They don't want a better situation in their lives....they like living with their hand out for someone else to fill.

This man in the Book of Acts did not suffer from this: "And he leaping up stood, and walked, and entered with them into the temple, walking, and leaping, and praising God." (verse 8)

He quickly got up out of that place of begging and went into the house of God with a testimony!!

I have spent so much time on my knees over certain things....too much time.

Now I have to ask myself....has my answer come....and I have rejected it....

Have I become so accustomed to living with my hand out, waiting for God to fill it that I have missed the REAL answer??

"Then Peter said, Silver and gold have I none, but SUCH AS I HAVE give I thee: In the Name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth rise up and walk." (verse 6)

Because the Lord didn't answer one of my prayers the way I wanted Him to, did I miss what He had for me??

And if I missed it....who else have I cheated?

"And all the people saw him walking and praising God: And they knew that it was he which sat for alms at the Beautiful gate of the temple: and they were filled with wonder and amazement at that which had happened unto him." (verses 9 & 10)

I declare to you today, I am TIRED of begging.

God has done many wonderful, marvelous things in my life...too many to ever count!

And even though there are things that I have been praying for over and over and over wanting the answer I want, I am now praying for something different.

"God, open my eyes! Let me see what You have already done in/with ____________. Let me know what YOU would give me, because even though it may not be what I asked for, if it is from You, then it is what I need. Let me get up out of this beggar mentality and walk and leap and praise YOU because You didn't leave me where You found me, crippled by the sin of the world!! Let me show others, every day, just how much serving You is really worth. Not silver and gold which will pass away....More, so much more! Oh, how I love You so!!"

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Remember My Bonds

There is an old song called "God on the Mountain." The very first line is "Life is easy when you're up on the mountain..."

That is so true, isn't it?

It is easy to give God the praise He deserves when everything is going your way.

But then you find yourself in the valley and the song changes, things aren't as simple anymore and it is MUCH harder to keep that positive attitude in times of trouble and heartache.

I bet all of us know someone that is always living in the valley, someone who you are afraid to ask, "So, how are you?" because you REALLY don't want to know.

Doom and gloom, trouble on every side, always in a crisis....

It is hard trying to see the positive side ALL of the time, I will admit it. There are times when I get my eyes off of Him and get them on my circumstances and when I do, I feel overwhelmed, even hopeless at times.

I have had to tell myself "NO, you are not doing this!"

I have had to rebuke negative thoughts and the one that brings the doubt and the fear into my life.

And I try to monitor what I say to people. I live for the Almighty, Omnipotent, All Powerful King of Glory, and that should be apparent by my actions, my speech, my life.

What am I telling the person that is looking for answers to the emptiness of their lives if all they hear from me are my problems? Do you think that will encourage them to seek Him for their own answers?

Please understand, I believe in prayer, I believe prayer changes things. NO, I don't just believe it, I know it without a shadow of doubt in my mind. He still moves stones, He still delivers, He still heals and He still hears. There is nothing too small and nothing too large for Him.

I do believe that when I am faced with problems I need to call on His Name and I need to seek other Saints to pray with me.

But I don't need to let my situations consume me. That "whoa is me" attitude has no place in my life. And I also don't believe that I need to use my problems to draw others attention to me, the kind of "Look at me, look what I am going through" mentality has no place in my life.

I have suffered, I have hurt, and I have longed for change in my life, but if at any time I have allowed my own problems to cause someone else to say "Man, I wish she would hush already," then I am truly sorry for that. I pray that is never the case, and if it is or has been, I pray that Jesus will change me, remove that attitude from my life.

Because, believe it or not, there are many things that go on in my life that only He knows about. And although you may never specifically know what they are, you know that I am a living, breathing person, therefore I have problems.

So, here is what you do: Know that life is not always easy for me, just as I know that about you, and PRAY for me. Remember me when you seek His face, call out my name before the throne. Remember my bonds.

I was struck by the words of Paul today in Colossians 4:18 The salutation by the hand of me Paul. Remember my bonds. Grace be with you. Amen.

This is the very LAST verse in the Book of Colossians.

There are 94 other verses in that book alone. And in those verses Paul talks about thanksgiving, grace, joy and love.

But in only one verse, that very last verse does he mention it, the fact that he has a need.

A desperate need.

On four or more years during his ministry Paul was in prison, literally.

And while he was he wrote Colossians, Philemon, Ephesians, and Philippians.

While he was in bonds, he continued to work, he continued to exalt the church, continued to correct, to lead, to teach and to love.

It was during an imprisonment he wrote: "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Philippians 4:13

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

While in bondage he continued steadfast in the work of the Lord. And instead of Epistles that paint a picture of how unfair and unjust life had been to Paul, we are painted a beautiful masterpiece of faith in the face of impossible circumstances.

That is the testimony I want to leave behind.

Not how bad my problems were, but how good my God was to me.

Are my problems gone? No.

Remember my bonds when you pray, as I will yours. bonds are NOT what I want you to remember about me....not what I want to fill up the pages of my life story.

Yes, they are there, but I want my life to tell the story of what I did in spite of the circumstances I may have found myself in. I don't want the problems of my life to be the plot...I want them to be a side note.

Let that be the closing line, not the opening one....

Oh, by the way....remember my bonds.


Tuesday, October 5, 2010


I think it's so exciting to see all the different places that hit my blog.

I am honored to think you take the time to check up on me. Of course, you may be stopping by because you think I'm a nut case or something of that manner....

EEHHH, I probably am....

But I would love to hear from you. You don't have to leave your name, but if you feel lead, leave a comment...let me know why you stopped, why you come back, and what you would like to see here.

If a particular blog touched you, I would love to know about it.

This has been such a nice expression of all I am inside. I would continue to do it if no one ever read them but me.

You have no idea the number of times I have gone back, re-read, laughed, cried, rejoiced, and sorrowed all over again.

So much time has passed since I started, so many changes, so many left to take place...

One thing remains constant.....

This IS the day!!!

Monday, October 4, 2010

Not One More Day in the House of Saul

I am blessed with a phenomenal Pastor, Rev. Ben Weeks. It is always amazing to me to have a man who is so in tune with God.

Sunday afternoon service here in Douglas he preached from 2 Samuel 3:1, 6 & 12:

1-Now there was long war between the house of Saul and the house of David: but David waxed stronger and stronger, and the house of Saul waxed weaker and weaker.

6-And it came to pass, while there was war between the house of Saul and the house of David, that Abner made himself strong for the house of Saul.

12-And Abner sent messengers to David on his behalf saying, Whose is the land? saying also, Make thy league with me, and, behold, my hand shall be with thee, to bring about all Israel unto thee.

One thing we need to understand as Christians is that there will always be a struggle between the House of Saul (Flesh) and the House of David (Spirit).

Galatians 5:17 For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.

The Spirit will never be on the same side as the flesh. The spiritual conflict within the Christian involves his total being as he struggles to determine whether he will wholly surrender to the inclinations of the flesh or the sinful nature and return to the dominion of sin, or whether he will yield to the demands of the Spirit and continue under the dominion of the Lord.

The House of Saul was getting weaker and weaker, but the House of David was getting stronger and stronger.

When Abner was aligned with the House of Saul he gave it everything he had within him. He fought as hard as he knew to fight.

In Chapter 2, we read of the servants of David and the servants of Saul meeting by the pool of Gibeon. Abner suggested to Joab that the young men arise and play before them. Twelve young men from each side met and all were slain.

Never be mistaken, if you live too long in the House of Saul, the games you play will lead to your defeat.

Abner left the scene running with Asahel, the brother of Joab running behind him. Asahel was "as light of foot as a wild roe" and quickly overtook Abner. Abner warned him to turn aside saying "wherefore should I smite thee to the ground? how then should I hold up my face to Joab thy brother?

But Asahel would not stop. It was then that Abner took the "hinder end of the spear" and with more force than he probably intended, he smote Asahel under the fifth rib and he fell dead, his death on Abner's hands.

The two sides then met in battle. In the end the House of David lost 19 men, the House of Saul; 360.

When you stay too long in the House of Saul, you will get involved deeper than you ever intended.

Abner was accused of taking Saul's concubine named Rizpah during the midst of the war between the House of Saul and the House of David. This was the turning point for Abner.

2 Samuel 3:8 ...Am I a dog's head, which against Judah do show kindness this day unto the house of Saul thy father, to his brethern, and to his friends, and have not delivered thee into the hand of David, that thou chargest me today with a fault concerning this woman?

Do not be fooled. You may align yourself to the House of Saul, you may give it your all and all, but the flesh will always turn against you.

When you stay to long in the House of Saul, the accusations will be more than you can live with.

Abner approached David through messengers saying; "Whose is the land? saying also, Make thy league with me, and, behold my hand shall be with thee, to bring about all Israel unto thee."

Let me join with you, Abner said.

David replied.

2 Samuel 3:13 And he said, Well; I will make a league with thee: but one thing I require of thee, that is, Thou shalt not see my face, except thou first bring Michal Saul's daughter, when thou comest to see my face.

To align yourself with the King, you have to bring him what he wants.

I have known men, good men, and women, good women who spent too much time in the house of Saul, too much time seeking after fleshly pursuits.

Oh, it may start out innocent, small, but it never stays that way. And one day becomes two and two become three. Suddenly you realize this innocent game that you started out with has become deadly.

And you are NEVER the only one affected. That "little thing" becomes something more, and that something more becomes something more, and before you know exactly when it happened you have become involved in something more than you ever imagined.

And you are doing things that you would have NEVER done ordinarily and caused untold damage to those around you: your parents, your friends, your spouse, your children.

Then the time comes when you come face to face with how far you are from where you started. It would be easy for someone to believe the worst in you as you stand face to face with the voice of your accusers, and harder to deflect the accusations in light of all you have become.

But you can gain an audience with the King. And the voices of the past can be silenced simply by bringing the King what He wants.

You have lived your life of sin with everything you have. Doesn't He deserve the same?

He is waiting for you to bring Him His bride...

That bride that has been washed by the blood, now without one spot or wrinkle.

It's not too late for you to switch sides in the battle. It's not too late to come to the winning side.

I have made up my mind that I won't spend one more day in the House of Saul, because as I tarry there my strength leaves me, I get weaker and weaker and weaker.

I want to dwell in the House of David for the rest of my days. It's a simple choice that is worth whatever cost.

**Thank You, Jesus for my Watchman on the Wall. Thank You for instruction and the Word of Truth. You ARE my King."

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Once Upon A Time

I held the future in my hands. I kissed the sweet lips of a promise and marveled at the power of love.

From that first moment I knew my heart would never be the same.

I am so thankful for miracles. Thankful for a God who answers prayer.

Thankful that He hasn't stopped.

And amazed, even now after 20 years at the love He has for me.

You heard the prayers of a young mother who wanted just one more baby when the doctor said it wouldn't happen.

You used that little life to renew my passion for you through a healing.

You have kept him all these years, even from what should have taken his life.

And now I have the pleasure of watching him seek after You.

Once upon a time You fulfilled one promise by giving me a lifetime of love.

Thank You for giving me 20 years with my baby boy. I will never be a ble to praise You enough.

I remain Your servant, always!

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Line Upon Line

I recently had a very intense conversation with someone.

Intense and eye-opening.

I would like to be able to state to you today that I have legendary Bible knowledge, that I was one of those that could quote and quote and quote with perfection.

I have tried to memorize scripture. And I have succeeded in small ways. But, I just haven't ever been grand at it.

Don't get me wrong, I have studied the Word. I will never cease to strive to expand my knowledge of it. It is a live, vibrant thing that never fails to touch some part of me that I never even knew was longing to be touched.

The Word of God is my comfort, my friend.

Yet, during this intense discussion I recently unwillingly became a part of I longed more than ever before to have that infinite knowledge of every passage.

I have noticed a growing trend among the Christians of today. More and more I find that people are turning to a "Cafeteria Style" Christianity.

You go through through the Bible "picking and choosing" what you want to believe and passing by what you don't want to believe.

I have always **thought** this, but during my intense conversation, this way of thinking was confirmed as the person I was talking to said, "That's why it says in the Bible that there are good and bad things in it and you just pick what you think is good and leave the bad."

So, at this point in the conversation is where I wanted to be able to say: "I have memorized every single scripture of the Bible and can quote them each verbatim-HENCE I am able to tell you that is simply NOT located anywhere in the Word of God."

My real response was much more lame. After I managed to close my mouth that had dropped to my stomach when those words were tossed at me I ever so eloquently stated, "The Bible does not say that!"

"Yes it does!"

"It most certainly does not! Where is that at in the Bible?"

"Well, I don't know right off hand, but I could try to find it."

Good luck with that one.

I have found nothing in the Word of God that states anything remotely resembling that statement. And if you are standing in the Cafeteria Religion line thinking you are getting fed, let me give you some real food for thought:

Matthew 5:18-19 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot of one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled. Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.

Isaiah 28:9-13 Whom shall he teach knowledge?and whom shall he make to understand doctrine? them that are weaned from the milk and drawn from the breasts. For precept must be upon precept; line upon line, line upon line, here a little, and there a little: For with stammering lips and another tongue will he speak to this people. To whom he said, This is the refreshing: yet they would not hear. But the word of the Lord was unto them precept upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little; that they might go, and fall backward, and be broken, and snared, and taken.

Malachi 3:6 For I am the Lord, I change not...

John 1:1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and Word was God.

John 1:14 And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us...

Luke 4:4 And Jesus answered him, saying, It is written, That man shall not live by bread alone, but by EVERY word of God.

Romans 10:17 So then faith cometh by hearing and hearing by the word of God.

2 Timothy 2:15 Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.

1 John 5:7-8 for there are three that bear record in heaven, the Father, the Word, and the Holy Ghost: and these tree are one. And there are three that bear witness in earth, the spirit,and the water and the blood: and these three agree in one.

Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is quick and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

2 Timothy 4:2-5 Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and doctrine. For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teacher, having itching ears; And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables. But watch thou in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, make full proof of thy ministry.

Revelation 19:13-16 And he was clothed with a vesture dipped in blood: and his name is called The Word of God. And the armies which were in heaven followed him upon white horses, clothed in fine linen, white and clean. And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almightly God. And he that on his vesture and on his thigh a name written, KING OF KINGS, AND LORD OF LORDS.

If His Word is true, which I am certain it is, then HE is the WORD.

That being said, if what was told to me was true then His Word was saying there was BAD in Him.

I may not have the whole thing memorized but I know there is nothing but Goodness in my God. And that would also mean that we were able to pick and choose what about Him we wanted to accept.

See, here is one way I do not agree with some. I have heard so many say that "So-In-So Accepted Christ as their personal Savior."

How arrogant is that statement?

To think that He is waiting with baited breath to see if I will ACCEPT HIM---The King of Glory?!?!

I think not!

The question is: Does He accept ME?

When I am standing before God, I will know who HE is, without a doubt, for the Word says "Every knee shall bow," and that includes mine.

But will He know me?

Have I lived up to His Word? Have I lived it Line upon Line, Precept upon Precept?

Because on that day, that line will become all too important.

So, are you living your life by the Cafeteria Plan?

Or are you living your life by His Plan?

Monday, September 6, 2010

The Music of a Life

Memories tread lightly, shifting through darkness, peaking around corners....

So many many times....

And the memories come out of nowhere, tied to a moment...

Like sitting beside them both in the front seat of the car.....

Sitting up front, just my Mama and me....

Listening to their old records and pretending I was there, too....

And riding on the coat-tails of my older siblings teen-aged years....

As they found their paths and left me to find mine.....

Nights out with Mom and Dad....impressing my friends at 40 year olds that still listened.....

Times I struggled to find out who I was....

Times when I thought I had it all figured out....

And then when love came....

And I thought I was "All Grown Up" but life showed me different....

So I turned to Him....

While rocking my babies....

And although I stumbled and fell....He was waiting to pick me up...

How could I not give Him all of my praise....with all He has given me....

He has been my strength in times of trouble, my comfort in times of need....

He has given me the courage to say "Farewell for now" to my wonderful parents....

And a life filled with love and memories...the best lived for Him....

No Turning back.....

Because I know the best is yet to come....

And someday....when my time comes....I want to be ready.....

But every now and then a memory will come gliding in on the wings of a song....

And I am transported to another place and time.....

And I remember....

Suddenly it becomes more than a becomes a piece of my life....

Replayed once again.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Separated at Birth

Although it is rare, there are many recorded instances of Identical Twins that were separated at birth, some even for the sake of research.

What has been found in each study is that both have many of the same mannerism and characteristics.

Such is the case of the 2 Jim's:

Jim Lewis and Jim Springer first met February 9, 1979, after 39 years of being separated. Both were very nervous at first, but now consider the reunion "the most important day of my life." Amid the euphoria over their rediscovery of each other, they came across astonishing similarities in their lives and behavior. Both had been adopted by separate families in Ohio, and had grown up within 45 miles of each other. Both had been named James by their adoptive parents, both had married twice; first to women named Linda and second to women named Betty. Both had children, including sons named James Allan. Both had at one time owned dogs named Toy.

Researchers of these separated twins seek to discover if it is "Nature" or "Nurture" that causes a person to become who they are. But ultimately, research has discovered that it is "Nature via Nurture" that shapes the person. It is our own inherent characteristics that develop out of our environment.

But it is the nature of who we are that dictates how we will react to our environment.

These twins may have had similar traits but their lives were different based on the environments they were raised in, their belief systems were different related to the fact that they were raised in different homes with different values.

When we experience the New Birth we bury the old man of sin and are "Born Again" as the Word of God teaches. That experience should mirror the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus as we "REPENT" which is the turning away from the old ways (the death of the old man), and then are Baptized in the Name of Jesus, which represents the burial and filled with the gift of the Holy Ghost (representing the resurrection). (See Acts 2:38)

It is through that New Birth that we become separated from the world, that we "Come out from among" those that live in the world and begin a new life. And although we are still made from the same flesh and blood as everyone else, we are not the same.

As a child of the King of Kings I don't walk the same, I don't talk the same, I don't desire the same things.

And it is the nature of that separation from the things of the world and the nurture His Spirit that changes the fiber of who we are, causing us to act different, to make different choices.

It is the change in the very environment of our lives that begins to shape us and there is a marked difference in even the things that make us happy.

And while the world at large searches for the similarities between us and them, it should be our differences that are most noticeable.

People should be able to tell a Christian from the world.

The genetics that we received from our "Father" should allow those around us to know Him through us, see His eyes when looking in ours, hear His voice when we speak, and feel His touch from our hand.

Jesus signed our **New** Birth Certificate in His own blood. And it is that very blood that flows from Calvary in a crimson stream through the veins of all that are His.

What about you? Do you feel like there is something missing from your life? Maybe a part of yourself you have yet to discover?

Let me introduce you to your Father.........He has been waiting to get to know you.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Who Can Find Her?

Driving along today, my daughter and I began a conversation.

The conversation basically went something like this:

Denise: "I don't understand that. Who would not want more (than they have) for their children? Who not want them to reach their potential?"

Mom: "Some people don't have real lives, Hun. They simply exist."

Denise: "But, I don't understand that. I want my life to mean something. I want to take care of my family, to raise my children to love the Lord, to see them live for Him. I want to make a difference in someones life, help lead someone to the Lord! And, when I die, I want people to remember my life as one that mattered."

Mom: "You want to be a virtuous woman."

Denise: "......Yea, I guess I do."

Proverbs 31:10-31 can give even the most devout woman the shivers. What a tall order to live up to!

It starts off the very detailed description in verse 10 with "Who can find a virtuous woman."

That is a good question.

I can honestly say that I fall short when the measuring stick is this account. She had it going on! Running her own business, caring for her family, making their clothing, cooking, cleaning, etc. And she did it all well!

I mean I manage to do some of it, but some of it may be far from perfect or prosperous!

Sometimes I feel like I am just getting by!

She did more than that, she excelled, surpassed them all.

And if using this as a pattern, how many today would measure up? I fear, not many.

I have lived my entire life in the South. I am a Southern girl and I wouldn't trade it for anything. But, being such, I can only give an account for the South.

And, frankly, my account would not be too good.

I had another conversation with someone recently who was concerned about a young lady she knew. It seems she was being allowed to date at a very young age with a guy who was much older. They were being allowed to spend time alone together and being given opportunities that this person felt could only lead to disaster.

As we were talking about the situation the person said that one would think that the mother of this young girl would want to protect her daughter from something that happened to her at a young age, becoming a mother. And they said that they would think that would have been enough for the mother to want something better for her child, know what she went through and how she struggled.

And I told the that I honestly believe it is that kind of attitude that the Word is speaking about when it says that in the last days mothers will be without natural affection for their children. Because a mother's natural instinct would be to see her children prosper.

But, so many times today we see just the opposite. We see mothers that allow the TV to babysit their children, anything to get them out of their hair. We see women that take on a role in their marriage that God never intended, and that role reversal leads to other difficulties.

And although I know too well that there are too many men in the world today who also fail to live up to God's standard for a husband and father, that will have to be another blog for another time.

It is no secret that I feel a woman has a certain place in the family structure and that a woman should know that place. I do not subscribe to the idea of Women's Liberation. Never have.

And that's all I'm going to say about that.

What I am asking today is when you examine all that you are, are you all you can be?

If tomorrow someone had to write your eulogy, what would it say?

I am looking in my own mirror today.

To borrow from a line of a song that my Daughter mentioned today: "The greatest tragedy is not your death but a life without purpose, that your life had no reason."

What if I had no time left? What have I accomplished? Does my Husband feel blessed that I have been his wife? Have I watched over my family, supplied their needs? Have I instructed them and made sure they would go out in the world as productive citizens and not to be a drain on society? Have I taught my Daughter how to be a wife, a mother? Have I taught my Son how to stand up and be the man God expects him to be?

What legacy will I leave behind? Will my family rise up and call me Blessed?

If someone came to my door right now looking for a virtuous woman, would they find one here?

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Against All Odds

We live in a vastly changing world. Every day there are new developments and new reasons to "improve" your life.

When my generation was coming up things were nothing like they are now. You only have to look at the structure of today's family to see the changes.

It seems like everything is against the families of today.

Everything that the world has to offer, at least.

There are so many things out there today that spell **doom** for couples. More reasons to leave than reasons to stay as our society of **do whatever makes you feel good** has taken hold of every aspect of our culture.

Nothing is wrong anymore. Nothing seems taboo.

There is no order.

And where you take away order, chaos reigns.

I have seen it happening everywhere and it is not bound by race, creed, or education.

It is as if the tablecloth has been ripped off the table of our lives, removing that barrier that separates us from the spills of the veritable feast for our senses that is spread out before us.

It is as if that moral barrier is removed.

And when that barrier is gone, it's "Katie, bar the door!" We are FREE to do whatever we choose, with no thought to the consequences of our actions.

Because I assure you, there are consequences.

We have men that are unwilling to be the men that they need to be for there families. And this is not a popular belief in our **Every one's Gone Wild** society, but I believe God's Word, and I believe there is a place a man should be in.

Just as I believe there is a place for women in the marriage relationship. And if either the man or the woman removes themselves from that place, I believe you end up with....


I am quite certain there are people who long ago gave up on reading my humble musing, and have moved on to something that is easier to swallow.

After all, this is America, and we are entitled to voice our opinions, and we are also entitled to reject the opinion of someone else.

It is not important to me.

I have never lived my life longing for public accolades and adoration.

I have striven to live my life to please Him, period.

So, here we are, in the 21st century. Living our lives traveling the information highway. As adults we have everything we think we could ever want available with just a few keystrokes on our computer keyboard.

We can experience anything our heart desires.

And through this vast technology we have the ability to remove every moral barrier that stands between us and the world.

You know my very favorite saying: "Sin will take you farther than you ever wanted to go."

And it is never truer than when you are standing face to face with the stranger you married, suffering the pain of betrayal that comes at the groping hands of today's media, the seduction of this immoral society.

My husband said to me today "I still want to grow old with you. I want to be able to celebrate our 50th anniversary."

I long for that, too.

But, the the odds are against most marriages today surviving to make it 50 years.

And so many people suffer after the very fiber that binds two hearts together is weakened by the decay of our morals.

Through the changes the years have brought to the structure of families it is harder and harder to survive to **Happily Ever After.**

What can I do to protect what God joined together?

Get into the Word. Study, make it part of me.

Pray, get on my knees, cry out to Him and allow Him to work in me, through me and with me.

Protect myself. Do not allow myself to be in a situation where anyone can question me. I need to carry myself at all times in such a way that it is apparent to all that I am a married woman. I would not want someone to have cause to even think anything about me or to dishonor my marriage.

People are always happy to think the worst. And it is the worst that will spread like wildfire. I need to always be mindful of how I carry myself and how my actions can be perceived.

Be real. Be who I say that I am. And examine myself. Allow God to show me areas I need to change. And change.

Because, when it comes right down to it, I want to beat the odds. I want to hold on.

And I know that sometimes that fiber that binds becomes so torn that there is no way to mend it again. For those that have suffered through that, I pray that God will heal their hearts and draw them closer to Him.

Above all else He should be the Love of your life. And when you fall totally in love with Him, when He becomes the center of your joy, He will remove the chaos from your life.

There is power in the blood still to this day. And through that blood all things are possible. And the possibilities are endless.

Even when you think there is no hope, that your heart will never mend, that you will never survive....

Even when all the odds are against of good cheer.

He overcame the odds....

And He is still in the overcoming business.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Forever Changed

I have been having a hard time of late. And, maybe, somewhere, there is some hardened soul that would say, "Enough already! Get over it."

It's a good thing I don't dwell on what others may think about me.

I have lived my life as the goofy, clumsy, ditsy, yet very loved youngest child of the Jim Merritt Family.

There may have been days in my life that I doubted I could succeed, that I doubted my worth, that I doubted my intelligence.

But I have NEVER doubted I was loved.

My sister and I were talking recently and she said, "What do you do when the two people who will always love you unconditionally are GONE?"

I don't have the answer. Yet I am struggling to find it.

Every day, I struggle.

And if my struggle is too much for you to bear, kindly move on to the next blog.

I was on my way home from work today, missing them. Not unusual, but today I feel overwhelmed.

I had my iPod out and I put on the song that Sister Weeks sang at my Mother's funeral, "If You Could See Me Now."

I can't tell you the number of times I have heard that I should not be sad for them because they are so much better off.

And I do know this with every fiber of my being. I would never want them to come back to the suffering that they endured.

I am not sad for what they have gained; I am sad for what I have lost.

Inside of me still is that little girl who waited every afternoon for my Daddy to come home from work, and who fell asleep each night beside my Mama until Daddy came and took me to my bed. Still there is the little girl that sat between them in the front of the car when my giggling couldn't be stopped any other way and the one who never liked to stay the night away from them.

I would hardly every make plans for Friday night as a teenager because I knew they were going out to eat and if I was home, I would get to go too. Those meals were some of the best times of my life, and not many teenagers can say that.

Over the years they became more than my parents, they became my friends. They were the first ones I wanted to call when something happened, good or bad, and they were my confidants, my advisers, my cheerleaders and my reality checks.

And as I listened to the words of that song today, I tried to picture them as they must be now, happy, whole and free, worshiping at the feet of Jesus.

I thought, what if I could see them now?

I remembered Moses when he came down from Mount Sinai after being the the presence of the Almighty God.

Exodus 34:29-30 And it came to pass, when Moses came down from mount Sinai with the tow tables, of testimony in Moses' hand, when he came down from the mount, that Moses wist not that the skin of his face shone while he talked with him. And when Aaron and all the children of Israel saw Moses, behold the skin of his face shone; and they were afraid to come nigh him.

Moses asked the Lord in Exodus 33:18 I beseech thee, show me thy glory.

And the Lord replied "there shall no man see me, and live."

In my mind's eye I can see them now as they must be, with their faces alight with the glow of His presence.

I can feel the joy they must feel knowing they are changed forever. One moment they were here, broken and in pain, and the next moment they opened their eyes to His Glory. I can't even begin to know how that must feel for them, after suffering for so long.

And unlike me, there is no tears for them for He has dried them all.

Unlike those frequent trips to the hospital to be "fixed up" for a short time, they are forever changed, forever whole.

And I will continue to encourage myself with these thoughts for as long as I need to, even until I can see them again.

On that day when I, too, am forever changed.

Even so, come Lord Jesus......

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Right Under Your Nose

Last July I set off with my parents to take some of their stuff to Louisiana. We had the biggest U-Haul trailer we could get and loaded it down.

My Dad was losing his eye sight before his death. But, he never quit wanting to take care of his family.

So, when it was decided I would go with them he told me that he would "help me drive." He was worried about me because he knew that I had never pulled a trailer before.

We loaded up early one Saturday morning and my Dad was going to drive "until he got too tired."

Before we were halfway to the next town, which is about 20 miles away, I was in a panic.

Dad was driving about 35 mph. He was weaving in the other lane.

And I was desperately texting everyone I knew would pray.

It wasn't long before Dad said, "You know, I think I'm going to let you drive when we get to Willacoochee."

I carelessly said, "Ok." I didn't want him to know how alarmed I was, and how relieved I was.

But I was certainly shouting in my head.

I had brought along some snacks for me in case I got sleepy, some Combos and some kind of chewy candy. I had a book on my iPod and I stuck one headphone in my ear.

After a quick stop for a biscuit we headed west.

Mom and Dad both dozed off and on. Dad would wake up occasionally and we would chit-chat and eat Combos. Mom was pretty quiet in the back seat with the dogs.

We cruised on.

I faced my first obstacle when getting gas. And I passed with no problem.

We cruised on.

About 4pm I looked at my parents. They were both quiet.

And then I looked at the clock again.

4 O'CLOCK!!!!!!!

I glanced at Dad again and then looked in the mirror at Mom.

"Um, you guys want to stop and get something to eat?"

I got a resounding, in unison, YES!

And I was completely horrified!!!

How, on earth, had I managed to forget to feed my parents?? I mean, I know they had been sleeping most of the time, and I know we had a few little snacks (Mom always brought something to snack on and Dad and I had pretty much killed the Combos), but, my parents needed FOOD! They were starving, right under my nose!!

I navigated the next exit, pulled into McDonald's and ran inside to fill their order.

I felt so bad. It was just such a peaceful ride. I was having a nice time, enjoying them, feeling helpful and needed, yet I had neglected such a basic need.

My parents needed to be fed.

And I had looked at them, talked with them, laughed with them, and never noticed their hunger.

I was thinking about them, thinking about this trip and how much I would give to have one more opportunity. I would pay more attention, make sure I was more watchful. If I had the chance to take that trip again, they would have never felt the slightest hunger pang.

And in thinking about them, I thought about those around me every day of my life.

What am I missing?

Is there a hunger in someone that I have failed to see?

Am I cruising along life's highway with someone who is starving for something that I could provide for them?

Lord, open my eyes to see those around me who are in need, who are hungry for something, for You, and are waiting, hoping silently that I will recognize that hunger and provide what they need so they will never hunger again. Let me see what is right under my nose.

And thank You, THANK You, for the precious, sweet memories You have given me, for the love that I feel, even now when they are gone from me. You really are my closest Friend.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

8 Seconds

I am not a sports fan.

At all.

But I would watch Rodeo if I had to.

I don't know why it has always fascinated me except that I have always secretly wanted a horse since I was a little girl.

When we were bored as children and said to our Mom, "I'm BORED!" she would always respond, "Read the encyclopedias."

So we did.

I learned exactly how to ride a horse by reading the encyclopedia on the subject over and over.

When the time came for me to actually ride a horse, I was able to mount right up. The guy who owned the horse couldn't believe it.

But, man, I had been studying the subject for years.

I was especially enthralled with Bull Riding.

How nuts do you have to be to willingly climb on the back of an enormous, angry animal with huge horns whose name is something like "Switchblade" just to see if you can hang on by one hand for 8 seconds.

Just sitting here typing this 8 seconds doesn't seem like very long at all. But if I were on the back of "Switchblade" while he bucked and thrashed and jumped and twisted I'm pretty sure 2 seconds would seem like FOREVER!

Yea, and I am pretty sure you can tell where I am going with this one...

Isn't it obvious?

I know I am not the only one who has had times in my life where I felt like I was holding on by one hand to my hope, my dreams, my sanity, while what seemed like an enormous problem was doing its best to "throw me off."

And it seems like when you are in the middle of a trial there may be times when it seems it will never end, even though in reality, when in comparison with the rest of your life, that trial that is consuming you at the moment doesn't really have that much meaning, doesn't take up that much of your time.

Yet, there you are, holding on for dear life.

And sometimes, you get thrown off into the dirt of life, and that problem threatens to stomp you into powder.

That happens to the best of us.

When it happens to you, the key is to GET UP! Don't just lay there! You are guaranteeing that whatever is trying to beat you will succeed.

What happens when you are too wounded to get up on your own?

You surround yourself always with people who will cover you in times like that, cover you in prayer, fight the bull of a problem for you, until you are in safety once again.

I want to encourage you today to HOLD ON! It may seem like this ride is going to last forever, but if you can ENDURE to the end, you will get something much better than a championship buckle.

You will get a crown of gold....

To lay at His feet.

HOLD ON!! What seems like forever may only last 8 seconds....

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Running Away

My hunny & I will be taking a much needed break from reality at the end of this week. I am ever so excited about having some time away from life and all of its ups and downs.

Here of late I have thought more than once about just driving off and disappearing for a few days. I think I am in need of some "alone" time.

There are so many things in my mind that I need to just be able to think my way through. And I am desiring some time with my Friend, to get re-acquainted with Him after my recent heartaches have left my vessel a little cracked.

Bro. Jonathan Alvear preached an awesome message when we were there just before Mom died. When I think of that broken vessel that the Bible talks about, I have always picture it as busted into pieces.

But he said sometimes our vessels are just cracked. We go to church, we get refilled, and because that crack is there in our vessels all that we are filled with leaks out of that crack until we are empty again.

So, if that's me, Lord, I'm in need of some time on the Potter's Wheel.

And I am hoping that I get that staring out at the beautiful scenery this weekend.

I may be running away from my reality, but I am running into His arms....and that's the only place I long to be!!

Saturday, July 3, 2010

To Every Thing There Is.....

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 To Every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down , and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

To EVERY thing there is a season.

To EVERY thing there is a purpose.


Such a precious commodity.....

So taken for granted.

In all of our life there is a pattern....

He gives....

He takes away.....

We have.....

We lose.....

And during that time when we lose....we weep....we mourn....

And we wake up to a new day and begin the cycle all over again.

To EVERY thing there IS a season, and a time to EVERY purpose under the heaven.


Because everything HAS a purpose. The good things, the bad things. The time of being born, the time of dying, the time of planting, and the time of harvest.

There is a time to kill things in our lives....and there is a time when we need to heal and be allowed to heal.

There is a time when we have to break down walls and strongholds and there is a time when we need to build things up inside up, build up ourselves.

There is a time when we weep pain filled cleansing tears....and there is a time when the memories that once caused us pain can be remembered fondly, can be laughed over.

There is a time when we will mourn...and there is also a time when we shed our proverbial mourning clothes and dance in His presence again.

There is a time to hold on....

There is a time to let go.

To EVERY thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.

What we need to decide in ourselves is that every season has a purpose...for us.

Ecclesiastes 3:14-15 I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever; nothing can be put to it, nor anything taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him. That which hath been is now; and that which is to be hath already been; and God requireth that which is past.

In other words, He has it all under control.

Every season, Every purpose, He knows.

Every tear, Every laugh, He knows.

Ecclesiastes 3:10-12 I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it. He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end. I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life.

There are seasons when we feel lost, when we are just plodding through. My Pastor told me during an especially difficult time once that "There are seasons when you just survive."

But even through those times when we don't know how we can continue on, He knows.

In the deepest of despair He has a plan; a plan to make everything HIS time.

And He knows how it is all going to turn out for us....He knows the end of our story, even if we don't.

Knowing that He had everything under control should be cause enough for us to rejoice....

In EVERY thing.....

In EVERY purpose......


Within us should always be that good times and in bad times....

Because He knows.

Phillipians 4:4 Rejoice in the Lord always: and gain I say, Rejoice.

Paul spoke of trials, of thorns, and of joy...

Phillipians 4:11-13 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

How did he learn that contentment???

Phillipians 4:8 Finally, brethern, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, THINK ON THESE THINGS.

There it is....

Think on those good things....

The proverbial **Positive Attitude**?


Is that such a bad thing?

When we have our minds on the unholy things of this world, we lose that joy, that nearness, that peace of God, and our hearts are unguarded.

What we need to remember is that even in our present circumstances God has given us everything we need to be victorious, to live above our circumstances, to be triumphant.

Through Him we have to power to do all that He has for us to do.

When was the last time YOU tapped into that power??

When was the last time YOU looked beyond your present circumstances and looked at EVERY thing??

Because when you take the time to look at every thing, you see His hand.

In EVERY season....

In EVERY purpose.....

He knows....

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Praying for Boaz

I have spent years praying for my children's future spouses. And I continue to pray for them.

I have prayed that they would find a godly spouses, who would be a compliment to their walk with God, who would encourage them to grow, pray with them, a spouse that they would love with a godly love as the Word of God outlines.

There have been close calls, but God is always faithful. I want for my children that love that lights their faces when they see their spouse walk into a room. I want a love that desire to serve each other, that is not SELF serving.

I want them to have it all, and I know that even though it seems like a distant future to them at times, I know that it will be worth the wait for the right one. I know that with all of my heart. There is not compromise, no settling, on something this important. A wrong decision in this area could have life-long repercussions.

You only have to look at the astronomical divorce rate to know this is true.

What do they need to find the one that He has for them? A willingness to listen and a desire to serve.

This was the spirit of Ruth.

Left a widow, she declined to return to her own people as did her sister-in-law, Orpah. Ruth "clave unto her" mother-in-law.

Ruth 1:16-17 And Ruth said, Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whiter thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the Lord do so to me, and more also, if aught but death part thee and me.

This is the spirit I want residing in my children. This is the spirit needed to have a successful marriage, even though she was talking to her mother-in-law, God honored that spirit, that commitment.

Last night I had a dream, a dream about Boaz. I dreamed he called to me to have my daughter lay at his feet. I know that is not exactly how the story of Ruth unfolds, but as I was dreaming I was thinking "This is important. This means something."

And it does, without a doubt. Boaz is out there right now. He is praying for his Ruth. And I am praying for both of them. I am praying that God will bless a union that has not even taken place, because I know MY God is faithful to His promises.

He is faithful to His daughter....and I AM His child.

Lord, You see my children. You see what lies ahead for them. Prepare them for whatever You have for them. Prepare them to take on the "roll of a lifetime," that of a wife and a husband, that of a mother and a father. Make them ready to be servants, to love as they would be loved, and to always be listening for Your voice. And help me, Lord, to teach them Your ways, to be the example they need. This is my desire, Lord.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Looking Back....Moving Forward

I know you are not supposed to look back.

But, I want to look back.

There are things that are now behind me that I want to remember, always.

So I am going to continue to remember those things that are worth remembering.

I'm going to move forward from those things that are worth leaving behind.

I have a wonderful legacy of love that I will hold to forever.

But, each day is a reminder that I am still here. And with each reminder I know I have a purpose yet to fulfill.

And I am ready to be all that I was created to be.

I am looking back.....and moving ahead.

And I am ever thankful.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

This is My Song

Every moment
Every memory
Every season
Every year
All the good times
All the bad times
Times of strength
And times of fear
Through the tears
Through the sunshine
Through the pain
And the joy too
The notes are arranged
By the Great Composer
He is writing
My life's tune

This is MY song
This is MY song
Each day is a verse
To my own melody
My Savior is writing
My song just for me

And it is filled with high notes
There are low notes too
Some days the tempo changes
As He sets the mood
This is my life's story
That someday will be finished
The composition complete
Will it be worthy
Will someone sing about me
Have I made an impression
That will last for all time
Will it be remembered
When my song is done?

This is MY song
This is MY song
Each day is a verse
To my own melody
My Savior is writing
My song just for me

Monday, June 14, 2010

When Death Comes

When death comes
It comes quickly
Even when it is expected
It steals in
And provides an ending
To some one's story
When death comes
Hearts cry
Tears run hot
Not for the life that is gone
But for the life that is left behind
When death comes
It catches you
Even if you have waited
Holding your breath
For their last to be drawn
When death comes
Time begins again
Now divided in before
And after
Memories flash
And you reach out
To grab them
And draw them close
For the comfort they provide
When death comes
It leaves in the place
Of the life that has ended
An emptiness
That can only be filled
In eternity
When death comes
Sorrow catches you off guard
Washing over you in waves
As the voice whispers
"She's gone, she's gone"
And you wait
For that time
When death comes
For you.