In January of 2013 my 26 year marriage ended. And, with that end came an extreme season of heartache and pain.
During that time I completely lost my purpose and my way. I found myself in a wilderness of pain and grief. Feelings of condemnation surrounded me and I would lay awake at night crying and begging The Lord to just take my life.
The pain continued to build until it was crushing. And I blamed myself for every heartache. I felt completely unworthy and full of guilt and shame. I made a desperate mistake that continued to plague me and it felt like the talons of that mistake were dug in all the way to my soul.
I only went to church sporadically during this time. I felt dirty like I didn’t belong there any longer. It was a dark time for me.
At the end of 2016 I decided to return to my True Love and my life took a complete turn as I repented and gave my life back to Him.
Today, I can say there are scars that will always remain but He has truly healed me.
I realize that divorce is common place these days but divorce was never my intention. Forever was. Two imperfect people said “I do” on that day in 1986. There were failings on both sides and I regret the pain of my trust in him being broken and that I could not overcome that again. I regret a lot of things.
There are people Iike me littering every Apostolic church. Whereas in the world at large divorce is not blinked at, the Apostolics realize keenly the beauty and sanctity of marriage. Divorce is not the norm in our ranks, but it is there. And as society continues to deteriorate it will increase.
We need to be mindful of these broken people around us. Those, like me, who longed for that forever love, wanted to grow old with that person we had chosen to share our lives with, miss the little things about having a partner, and are now facing life alone.
There has been a decrease in singles ministries in our ranks. I am not talking about a dating club, I am referring to a group of people we can spend time with who will help us heal and draw us into a closer, more purposeful life during this season we are in.
He came to heal even us. Won’t you reach out today to someone who is facing life after marriage? Won’t you step into the gap and help your brother or sister find their purpose and place? They are facing things you don’t understand, I know. But your heart speaks their language. Love is universal.
Our church has recently started a singles ministry led by one of our wonderful couples in church. We are all excited about all of the plans being made. I will be sharing more about this ministry and long to encourage others as we work toward being His hands and feet in this population.
Stay tuned.
So thankful I can write this today from a place of love and healing. God has been ever so gracious to me.
