I remember when I was a little girl playing with this metal top with a rod in the top that you could push up and down to make the top spin.
I loved that top. I played with it until the metal was worn on the bottom. I always wanted to get it going faster and faster, so that the colors blurred together and it would spin and spin and spin at my hand.
It just fascinated me, captured my attention far longer than it should have, just to see the beauty of it as it spun wildly, almost out of control.
I am now a grown woman, much older than that little girl, though the wiser part would be questionable at times. Now I feel more like the top than that little girl, as life causes me to spin around and around.
And just like that top of long ago, when my life is spinning wildly, I see the beauty of it. It captures me, wraps around my heart, fills the longings and empty places.
I don't know what life would be like without the spinning. I was called to spin, maybe that explains my early fascination.
I have told my children over and over throughout the years that *happiness is a choice.* I believe that will all of my heart. Circumstances will continue to arise in every one's lives, but we can choose how we deal with them.
So as I write tonight, my Mom is in ICU. She will be fine, I know. My Dad is home with his shoulders bent under the weight of illness. And even in the sadness of their situation I feel hope. My mouth is lifted in a smile when I remember all that He has already brought us through.
But, for just an instant, I miss that little girl, with nothing more pressing in her life that making her top spin faster and faster, round and round.