Many Times....

Gray and hazy,
Clear and crisp,
Sometimes they surround me,
At other times they are out of my reach.
But, Oh the many times I want to.

It may be a word,
Or an expression,
Then a longing so deep,
My very core is pressed tightly.
And, still the many times I long to.

Yet the seasons still change,
The days still end,
And begin again.
Nothing has stopped moving,
Even when so many times I need to.

And I rise,
And I breath,
And I pass through each day.
Each one taking up
Where the last left off.

I think,
I dream,
I work and plan.

And then I find myself
Holding my mouth as you did.
I don't look in the mirror
And find your face.
But Oh, the many times I want to.

You find when you suffer great loss that the world is full of sympathy. After a while you find no one wants to hear anymore. No one wants to see your hurt. No one wants to know it is still there.

So, you learn to cope with it. And you put one foot in front of the other and continue on. I can't stop and give in to the grief, no matter how many times I have wanted to.

Missing you today. And understanding you in ways I never did before. You were amazing. And I am glad you were mine.