I had my daughter when I was just a month shy of 21. I was very young. I am not so young anymore, but "age is just a number," as they say. I don't feel old enough to have a 26 year old. But, I am.
For as long as I can remember I have looked forward to the day I would have grandchildren.
NO---- I was NOT rushing them to become parents. Quite the opposite, really. For many years I had them believing that they could not even have a child (literally) until they graduated from college. One of my friends at the time assured me they would eventually figure it out. She was right.....
I am still not rushing them. I wouldn't trade the years we have had for any amount of money, but I would that I had been able to experience some of the things they are getting to before I started a family. I have spent much time telling them that there is no hurry--enjoy your life and get to know yourself and your spouse before kids come along.
Still and yet, I cannot wait.
There must be something almost "magical" if you will, about holding the child of YOUR child in your arms for the first time. And, seeing them grow and develop into their own person, yet allowing you glimpses of your OWN precious babies at the same time must be amazing.
We had such fun when they were little, so many little games and things we did, and I miss those days keenly. But, I love who they are now and the fact that I can see things that were poured into them over the years manifest now.
I read something that my daughter had written recently that echoed my own words to her many years ago and it made my heart smile to know that she was listening.
For some reason, this morning I had my future grandchildren on my mind. And I could feel that longing in my heart to get to the business of being a *Marmie* to them.
My mother told me in the early years in my marriage when we were in a major crisis that I needed to remember that one day we would have grandchildren together and that was not something we wanted to do apart. But, we will.
I think we will make it the best we can though, and still be able to share some of that joy together while including our new partners. There is no sense in being petty and silly at this point in our lives.
What would I tell them if I could, those babies whose faces I long to see, whose lips I long to kiss?
I would say, boy are we going to have some fun...but, don't think I will let you do whatever you want. I am going to love you and spoil you, but not hurt you. And, if I let you always have your way I do you no good.
Yes, we are going to Disney World....often....count on it....
You will have no idea what you will mean to my life, to know that a part of me, of my own Mama and Daddy will live on, is beyond any words I can put here. And, I will be looking for little pieces of people you will never know this side of glory in you. I know without a doubt they will be there.
I am saving up all kinds of love for you and I pray that I can be around to know you and to watch you grow up and have your own babies someday.
And if, by some chance, I am not around when you come into being, know that I love you even now, in spite of the fact it will be years before I actually see you. I have loved you for a long time. And if you sit really still and close your eyes and open your heart you can feel the love of an ordinary woman who managed to do the extraordinary....she existed.....and she did it with you on her mind and in her heart. Always.