Thursday, September 10, 2015

Crashing Down

I have always had vivid dreams. I can still see dreams that I dreamed when I was a child in my mind like they're actual memories. And, kind of like Joseph, for a time I could hear someone's dream and it was like I could see what the dream was trying to say. Not in a hocus pocus way, but almost as though I could understand what the dream was trying to say.

I never called anyone over and invited them to tell me their dreams like a sorcerer. I would just listen and then sometimes I would be able to say what I thought the message was in all that craziness. I considered it a gift from God.

I had a crazy dream myself the other night. Someone I love was injured and I was trying to get them to the house to take care of them. I wrestled them in the car that they insisted on driving, even thought they could not sit up as we started across the bay there was much debris in the water. It hit me that the other bridge had been destroyed in a storm. Not the one on the ocean side, but the one on the bay side, the one more protected. And, as I watched in horror I saw a wave headed our way, scooping up pieces of the broken bridge as well as anything else in its path. As we braced for impact we suddenly found ourselves on the other side of the bridge safe. 

But, as we were about to drive under another bridge, I can see a tsunami sized wave headed our way. Just in front of us was a car full of a young family and the children peered back at us through the rear window. Again, I yelled to brace, hold the wheel tight and steady. I was certain the flood waters were going to kill us. 

They overtook the car. I could still see the faces of the children pressed to the window ahead of us. Suddenly, just as quickly as it came,the waters were gone. We once again headed toward home and safety. 

It took all my strength to get them inside the house and safe where I could attend to their injuries. I walked back to close the door to find that the waters were rising in the street. We were still in danger. 

Sunday my cousin and I went back to Six Flags. She convinced me to face my fears and ride Goliath. Goliath is huge. Beyond huge. I was so afraid that I was crying when we were strapped in waiting to go.

Anna was glad to be there with me. She supported me as much as I would let her. She rode beside me but I would not let her sit next to me because I was scared she would touch me and I knew I could not handle that. I wrapped my hands and my legs around the safety device like a monkey.  I have rarely been that afraid. All I could think about was the fact that this was only going to last about two minutes and then it would be behind me.

I don't really remember much about those two minutes. I only remember that I did not die and I know that next time I won't be so afraid. This was something I had to face on my own.

The thing that struck me about my dream was my overwhelming desire to get the person I was with to safety so that I could help them and attend to their wounds. But, even when we reached what I assumed was safety, which was home, there was danger. I could not protect them.

There are things in life that happen that are beyond our control. We send our kids out into the big ole world and we have to trust that they will be okay out there. We cannot enclose them in protection and keep them safe. They make choices that sometimes put them in the path of danger. And, sometimes all we can do is wait on the sidelines until the danger passes and hope that they don't drown when the waves of destruction come crashing down.

Sometimes we can save people, we can pull them out of the rising flood and drag them to safety. And, then when we look away they wade right back into the water.

Life is funny like that. We sometimes spend all of our time on the shore, sipping a cool drink in the shade and wondering why someone else chooses to swim in the riptide. I chose to sit in that seat, chose to face something that took me out of my comfort zone, and I made to the end. No one could have ridden that for me and allowed me to face what I needed to face.

I could not drag my injured love one far enough away to keep them safe from what it is they must face in my dream. Or, in reality.

I can sit there, waiting, with a nice fluffy towel to see if they emerge from the crashing waves, but it is up to them to come out. Just as in my dream, they were driving, I was merely riding along, hoping we could make it to safety so I could nurse them back to health.

And, so it is. I wait. Praying they make it back to shore.

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