I recently had the unpleasant privilege of trying to talk to someone that I knew needed to stop and do an inventory on their attitude. I hate that role, but if that's what God needs me to do, I'll do it. And after prayer, and fasting and asking "You're SURE I need to do this, Lord?" I did it. And I hated it just like I knew I would. It seems that my well chosen words opened a *Pandora's Box* of festering emotions and I was deluged with an outpouring of pain and bitterness.
And my heart broke.
I think of Solomon being wise enough to ask for wisdom. But even that wisdom didn't give him all the answers. I am wise enough to know that at times when I have no answers I just hold on to Jesus, because He is the answer to every situation.
And I did, even when my own doubt caused me to wonder if I had truly heard from Him at all.
I spend a good amount of time thinking about that great day when *No heartaches shall come,* that day when they'll be no more sorrow, no more pain. Some days thinking about THAT day is what gets me through till the NEXT day when the sun shines on my world again.
I don't know why He trusted me with this particular task. I don't know what He saw in me at that time that made Him think I could do it. I was sure the only thing that showed was my reluctance to do it. But I did.
And it was so much worse than I could have imagined. I knew in my heart after I finally made it home that the only thing it had accomplished was to cause a riff that would never be repaired. Even though repairing the broken is what I feel like Jesus wants me to do, and with His help I have tried time and again to do just that. But this was different. This time I felt like I was the one that caused the breaking.
He came through again, just as always. He confirmed to me and to those that knew what I had been through that His hand never left the situation. This time He brought the healing through the preached Word. He poured a healing balm in a hurting and bitter soul. I just sat back in awe as Jesus gave me a miracle.
I seriously don't know what I would do without the love of my Saviour. That He would leave Heaven to robe Himself in flesh, that His Deity would become humanity so that I could know Him, is more that I could ever hope for, more than I could ever deserve.
I am ready Lord, use me. Use my life for Your glory, for it's only through You do I stand to gain. Use me even when I can't understand, even when I am scared and reluctant. More than anything I want to be used by You.
Thank You for seeing me, for seeing this need, and for believing in me even when I was afraid to believe in myself. Thank You for allowing me to see Your hand in this situation, for seeing You move and mold and reshaped a broken vessel right before my eyes. Thank You for letting me recognize Your voice, Your call. Call me again, Jesus, please.
For if You can use me to reach the lost, the broken and the bitter, I want to be used by You. Let me have hope in the face of hopelessness, grace in the face of bitterness. And let me always put my trust in You to see me through.
You have never let me down. I love You my precious Lord, my Jesus.