After such a wonderfully busy weekend last week my weekend ended on a sour note this time. I'll let you in on a secret about myself, (although I would hope it would be an obvious thing) my main desire in life is to be used by God. I have learned that if you put Him first in ALL things, all things simply work better.
Since I began this journey with Jesus I have been able to do some wonderful things and be a part of some wonderful things. For the past couple of years, however, I have found myself sitting on the shelf and collecting dust. Oh, I have prayed about it so many times, I have fasted, and I have waited. I have always felt assured that my time would come when He could use me again.
While I have waited I have worshipped, I have praised, and I have drawn to Him. It has been a time of reshaping for me and I have been blessed by this time in the Potter's Hands. He has molded so many areas of my life and of my family and Oh I am so thankful.
A few weeks back I was faced with a possibility. It was nothing I felt like was for me, but as it was being brought forward my stomach clinched. I sought out the Lord and asked "Is this something I should do?"
He was quick to answer. He answered emphatically and resoundingly NO. And the reason was simple. I had other things to do.
The very next week I saw exactly what He had shown me unfold. How awesome it is when He reveals His plan to you, when you see that plan come to life is such a conformation of His love.
So I excitedly moved forward and went to work, dragging myself off the shelf of idleness, cleansing my gifts from the dust of neglect, and taking the lid off of my vessel to allow Him to pour into me. I rejoiced at being able to work for His glory again.
This week as I was called into action again my happiness could not be contained.
I don't know what it is like to not be who I am, to not feel the way that I do about serving Jesus. I don't know, I truly don't. It is my heart, my drive, my life to serve the One who gave His all for me.
So what could I say when the Lord took me into the palms of His Hands and made me into a vessel He can use only to have someone else tell me NO? I had no idea what to say. My exuberance was obviously not contagious. What could I say when someone wants to place me back on the shelf to collect dust again?
My heart broke. It is still broken. I sit here with tears in my eyes wondering what next. I want to be a vessel of honor, one fit for the Master's use.
And I think of the chorus we sang last night...
"I know the plans I have for you,
I know just what you're going through,
So when you can't see what tomorrow holds
And yesterday is through,
Remember I know the plans I have for you......"
I remember Lord, and I'm waiting to see...