Backed into a Corner

It's 2:30 am.

I'm awake.

I don't know when sleep will come again.

My name is Sheri.

Let me tell you a little about myself.

First of all, I hate whiners. BOY, do I hate whiners.

And, I hate turmoil, and, dare I say it, drama. (I have found most people who say they hate drama say that for the dramatic effect, so I REALLY hate to even say it)

I'm awake at this time of the night because I have placed myself in a situation.

Please, notice the verbiage here.

I have placed myself in a situation.

I am feeling so torn between logic and the illogic of where I am. There are these moments of clarity on either side, but when the logical side is clear it is accompanied by a burning in the pit of my stomach that I cannot rid myself of.

I have backed myself in a corner and I know of no way out. There is no knight in shining armor going to ride in on his white horse and save me. I have no one to call out to who is even listening out for me.

I dreamed a dream and like other dreams of my past when I lead with my heart, I have come to realize that some dreams are only that. Dreams.

There is this ongoing argument between logic and illogic. And, I know I recently introduced you to anxiety girl. Yeah. I hate her. Because of her I behave in ways I would NEVER normally behave. I loath people that behave like I have because of her.

But, you see, I dreamed of being happy. I dreamed of the same stupid thing I dreamed of long ago. And lying here at 2:34 am I can hear a distinct voice. It says "you're an idiot for thinking you could have your dreams."

It says, "no one will ever want you. You are fooling yourself. You fought and prayed to feel the sun on your face, but now all you feel is the press of the wall in the corner you have backed yourself in."

I have never been much for telling my business. And I am sure there are those who will read this and think one thing when it is another. But, right now I would that I had someone to tell my heart to.

I am listening for the sound of hooves as my knight approaches.

Lord, I need You tonight. You are the only one who can save me from myself.