Wednesday, April 16, 2014

At the End of the Day.....

Decisions, decisions......

I once had this supervisor who would talk....well....a lot. And, she would extoll all the reasons why things were successful because of her, and why she made this decision or that decision. One of her favorite things to day during one of these conversations was,

"At the end of the day, when I lay down, I am satisfied with the decisions I made."

Isn't that how it should be?

I would be a liar if I said I never made decisions that I regretted. Everyone has made decisions they wished they hadn't.

For instance, I regret the decision to ride my bike down the culvert when I was eight which resulted in me flying off the side and flipping with my bike before landing in full view of my older brother and sister. They still talk about it.

I could go on to list dumb decisions for the rest of the day, but I will stop here.

Let me instead tell you about some of the things that I am satisfied about at the end of the day.

At the end of the day, when I lay down, I am satisfied that I decided to pour my life into my children when they were young. My kids always came first, and they still do. The decisions I made were based on my love for them and they weren't self serving. I am glad I taught them about God and how to live a good clean life. I am glad I didn't go out and party and carry on, but that my idea of a party was being surrounded by them and any other of my "kids" that happened to be around.

At the end of the day, when I lay down, I am satisfied that I made the decision to go to college and to make a way to support myself. I am satisfied with the career I have and where I am going. I am confident that I can make it and I can do that without having to depend on anyone else.

I am satisfied that I loved my parents as much as I possibly could and that they knew that I loved them. I would never trade the days I had with them for anything.

I am satisfied that I tried to be a good wife and that I can look back and see my own failings and see the marriage without bitterness that most women seem to have. I am thankful for that time in my life and for the good memories that I have. I am also thankful for the lessons I learned and that I have an opportunity to love again.

I am thankful and satisfied that I am happy even though my life is far from perfect. I am thankful for having someone in my life that makes my heart smile and helps me to want to be all that I can.

And, I am satisfied that I can be "proud" so to speak, of the person that I am. Far from any type of perfection, I am what I am and who I claim to be. I have no motives, not looking for someone to make me happy, I only need someone to be happy with. I have learned that happiness is my choice.

And, at the end of the day, when I lay down, I am satisfied with my choice to be happy.

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