It has been such a benefit for me to be able to sit down and take some time out of my life to transport my feelings into the written word. I know it may sound silly to some people, but I have been able to look back at my musing and smile and even cry. I have found it to be very cathartic for me.
We finally brought Mama home from the hospital Monday. It was a very trying day to say the least. We arrived at around 10am and got home shortly before 5pm. And since I had not had any sleep it was a very long day.
Brother Wood had given me a copy of my *forthcoming* CD and I brought it along for Mama to listen to. Needless to say she cried on the way home. That was the best review I could ever get.
We got home and I stayed with Mama while Dad ran some errands. We rearranged some things so that she could get around in the wheelchair that was on its way. But while we were waiting she decided that she would probably get around better on a *Hover-round* so we called and had my uncle bring my grandmothers that she doesn't use.
Mom was so cute riding around with her boys. She even maneuvered easily around Dad's dialysis equipment. She said "Your Daddy's gonna have to build me a ramp so I can ride around in the yard." This exasperated my Dad who said "Honey, your Mama's never even been in the yard when she could get around!"
When I started to leave late that afternoon I walked over to hug her and I kissed her on the forehead and she squeezed me with the one arm that wasn't holding her boys and said "I thank God for you every day."
My throat choked with tears.
I don't think there has ever been a time in my life where I have felt so overwhelmed by life. I wake up every morning thinking about my parents and they are always what I am thinking about when I finally fall asleep.
I can remember vividly what it felt like to be a little girl looking up at my big strong Daddy. I can still she his youthful face and the strong measure of his step. My Daddy always knew where he was going. He was decisive and opinionated. I can remember times he failed and I was struck with the reality that he was a man and he made mistakes.
And I can still remember snuggling up to my Mama at night. I remember what it was like to lie with my head in her lap so she could *pet* on me. She was always bustling around, keeping everything going. I miss those days of shopping that we used to have, and the way she looked when she was holding my own babies.
It has been harder than I could ever tell to see the toll of life, to look in the faces that were once so youthful and vibrant to see the worry and pain etched into their countenances. They have always taken care of their family, and it worries them to think they may need to be taken care of.
And it worries me to think I may not be able to care for them well enough. My heart feels so heavy with the passing of each day.
I have always taken for granted the fact that my parents would be around for a very long time. Now, I don't know if that is the case. So like a sponge I attempt to suck in everything I can so that on some lonely night in hopefully the far away future I can squeeze out the memories and let them refresh my heart.
Oh, my sweet Mama, it is I who thanks God for you. I thank God for the love of two people that will carry them throughout their lives and will sustain their family long after those lives are no more. Your heart made me who I am today. I love you both with each breath that I breathe. I am so blessed.
Please, Lord, never let me take for granted all that You have given me. Every day it seems You put me back on the Potter's wheel and reshape me. Keep pouring into me. I need You today.