Learning Curve

When I started college some years ago, I had to take the College Placement Exam (CPE). I have to confess, when I got to the math portion I was stupefied. I had never even seen algebra, let alone tried to work a problem. So I ended up going down the list and randomly coloring in little circles.

Needless to say, I ended up in a remedial math course.

After a few weeks the teacher asked me one day if I could stay after class so he could talk to me. He said he had one question he wanted to ask me.

"How could someone who scored a 36 on the CPE in math have an A in this class?"

"No one had ever taught me how to do algebra before," I simply replied.

I knew that I was going to be facing something difficult. And with all that has gone on lately, with each situation, I would think, "this is IT."

But I had that nagging feeling that I hadn't quite reached whatever "IT" was yet (which was frightening enough considering some of my challenges of late).

Yesterday I discovered "IT."

And "IT" came from something totally unexpected. And sent me reeling.

I don't believe I have seen a remedial course on caring for your parents when they are ill. Just like those algebra problems, sometimes I can make no sense out of what is going on, or how I should solve the problem.

But I have tried.

The past couple of years have brought many changes to my life. And before I go any further, I want it to be totally understood I am not asking for sympathy or an "Ataboy" or anything like that. The only satisfaction I have sought to gain is being able to lay my head down at night and know I have done my best to provide for my parents needs while still balancing my own family life.

I am quite sure I solved some problems wrong, but there are several things I thought I had done right.

I have tried very hard to balance between being available anytime my parents need me with allowing them to maintain their independence. As a nurse, you are trained to foster independence and enable those in your care to function in the highest level of it they are able to. After all , most who lose their independence also lose their reason to keep going.

I have sheltered my parents from some of the obstacles I have faced in being able to be there for them. I never wanted them to ever feel like they were placing undo stress on me or that they were "burdening" me. So, I kept some things from them, and others as well, feeling this was the right thing to do.

For instance, basically when I left one of my jobs it was because it was STRONGLY implied I needed to do so because my family was interferring with my ability to do my job, according to my supervisor. God opened a door and made a way of escape for me before I had a stain on my employment history.

That door led to me being totally exhausted. But I still managed to get my parents where they needed to be, and my family picked up more of the slack for me during that time. This is one area we have worked very well together in. My husband is always willing to do whatever is needed, and my children have missed school, work, and social functions without batting an eye, to make sure Papa and Granny were OK.

Now He has graciously placed me in a wonderful position, better than I deserve. The only draw back was that I was off training for over a month.

But He kept His hand on me, on my family, and on my parents. Now I am pretty much here, and during this recent challenge they have been so understanding. I am so very blessed.

I have known moments of heartache and frustration. I have been brought to my knees over and over again. As Abraham Lincoln said, I have no where else to go.

And in between each challenge I have tried to cram as much living in as I can. I have tried to balance everything. I haven't always done a good job of it. I am sure of it.

I would that there were a curve built in for situations like this, so that when others look over the situation, they would be able to say "this has happened, but this was going on too, so we'll have to look at the whole thing differently."

Dad has been so confused, and I have stood with his head on my shoulder as he cried thinking, "Lord, I don't know if I can bear this."

Yesterday Shain sat with my Dad while I had stepped out for a moment. Shain said my Dad looked at him and said, "You know, they tell me I don't see Sheri anymore." And then he began to weep.

Oh my God, I need your help. I don't know what else to do. But I will do whatever it takes. You said you would never give me more than I could bear. I need You to shoulder this pain I feel. I need Your presence, I need Your Spirit to rain down on me and wash this away from me. Help me to always do the best I can and let me be sensitive to the needs of those around me. Give me the ability to see every aspect of whatever is happening around me. You are the place I run to in times of troubles, You are the mender of my heart. It is in Your presence I find answers I need, and comfort I long for. You are my shelter, my hiding place, my refuge, and my strong tower. You are my God, and You alone are worthy of my praise. Oh, how I love You.