Boy, I tell you...this has been a roller coaster month. I am exhausted.
So much has been happening. I have a career change on the horizon. I am waiting to see what lands where, but so far, it is looking pretty good.
I have had a terrible blow to my heart. Not the kind of blow you are thinking of. It's the kind of blow that scares me to the depths of my soul. But, I know that it will have to get better because my heart can't take it if it doesn't.
There are other things going on that are warm and wonderful and make me happy even in my hurt. Like, I think I may be getting a puppy soon to go along with some other things.
There are few things that hurt me worse than knowing my kids have been hurt. There is not much more in life that mean more to me that my babies. Here I am, having a midlife crisis, I suppose, and it has hurt one of my babies.
It is not that I have run out an purchased a sports car and have been riding around a boy-toy. Lord, no...hahaha
I have changed. I am still who I have always been. My heart is still my heart. I am still that same woman with the same love, but I have changed. And, in the midst of all the other changes in our lives of late, it has hurt my baby. That cuts me to my core.
I wish you could read my thoughts, read my mind and you would be able to understand how hard this has been for me. I have spent the past 26 years focused on my two sweethearts.
All these changes of late have made it hard to breathe, hard to remember that I am going to be OK, and I know it has been for them, too. Hard to remember that above all else we have each other and our love.
But, I know that all will be well. A very wise man reminded me lately that he knows I love him, and he won't forget. He also reminded me it is time for me to let them grow up. I am trying, but it is very, very, VERY hard.
I do wish he could read my mind and see my heart. Then he would understand and he would know, and never, ever be afraid or doubt.