I have found, in my walk with God that my deepest wounds come from those that I am the closest to.
More often than not, it is not an enemy that puts me on my face before God, but it is a friend.
And though I long for days of peaceful grazing in His presence, I am faced with opposition that has me running for the cover provided under the shelter of His wings.
And I cry out to Him, "Oh that I had wings like a dove! for then would I fly away, and be at rest. Lo, then would I wander far off, and remain in the wilderness, Se'lah. I would hasten my escape from the windy storm and tempest." (Psalm 55:6-8)
Like this prayer of deliverance from David in the 55th Psalm, I have found that it is those that you see every day that are sometimes the biggest oppositions to your walk.
David said, "For it was not an enemy that reproached me; then I could have borne it: neither was it he that hated me that did magnify himself against me; then I would have hid myself from him: but it was thou, a man mine equal, my guide, and mine acquaintance. We took sweet counsel together , and walked unto the house of God in company." (verses 12-14)
He goes on to further describe his opposition by saying, "they have no changes, therefore they fear not God." (verse 19)
"The words of his mouth were smoother than butter, but war was in his heart: his words were softer than oil, yet were they drawn swords." (verse 21)
I have walked with opposition. I have broken bread and dined with the enemy. And I have learned that it is a dangerous thing to allow yourself to think that because you live for God, and your heart dwells within the safety of the walls of His truth, that opposition won't come knocking on your door in the guise of friendship.
Because the enemy will come, dressed up in their finest, and the walls that serve to protect you will give you no escape from the enemy within.
I have felt the weariness of battle of late. I have cried out to my God to carry me away and give me peace and rest.
His answer came in the voices of those I love this weekend. "Don't every begrudge your troubles, because it is through your troubles your anointing comes."
"As for me, I will call upon God; and the LORD shall save me." (verse 16)
"Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved." (verse 22)
Abraham Lincoln said, "I have been driven many times to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go. My own wisdom and that of all about me seemed insufficient for the day."
I have found myself running in circles, trying to outrun my troubles. And it is then, when I know I have no where to go, no where to run to but to Him, that I find Him waiting.
It is the times when I am broken, and the times when I strong. The times when I feel Him, and when I only feel the heat of the battle. In my times of rejoicing and in my deepest sorry.
I have found He is the finish line I long to reach, He is the One that I count on, for He has never let me down.
He is the reason I continue to fight. He is my song.
He is the shelter I need, my rest, my refreshing. He is the Rock I cling to.
He is the prize awaiting me at the end of my race.
Lord, let me always run to You. "Evening, and morning, and at noon, will I pray, and cry aloud: and he shall hear my voice." (verse 17) I grow so weary, Lord, and there You are, providing me with Word to feed on, and strength to continue the course. If I do not walk an easy path, may I never begrudge the way You have set for me. For it is through my weakness, through my troubles, and through my trials I gain my greatest strength and testimony. I love You too much to fail You now.